To think a return text would have been polite?

[smilingismyfavourite]

On Sunday, just shy of two weeks away from Chirstmas a friend texted and basically invited herself, her DH and 2 DCs to our house for christmas dinner. I had asked her at the beginning of November if they would like to join us so it wasn't completely unsolicited but as she had muttered something about other plans, had not replied to me, or given me any indication that she was thinking about accepting the offer I got on with organising our Christmas. We will also be having my MIL and SIL and as I am working a lot in the week before christmas I had already organised a lot of things. However becasue it is the season of peace and goodwill and because I am not a mean spiritied person I texted back to say "Yes, of course come".

And since then? Nothing. No return text to say "Thank you for having us at short notice", no "That's great, looking forward to it" and more importantly no "What would you like us to bring?....!" Nada. Surely this is the height of bad manners or am I getting my knickers in a twist about nothing? Very annoyed and to make matters worse DH is fuming as these friends have a reputation for doing things like this all the time and now I am worried he is gong to be annoyed and hostile to them on Christmas day and ruin the atmosphere.

How close are you to this friend?

It doesn't sound like a very good friendship if you go long periods without talking to each other, so could you message her and say that you need to make plans so could she confirm that she is coming?

Or ask her if she'd mind bringing x?

I'm with your DH here, it's extremely rude to wait such a long time to reply anyway (even waiting a week makes it look like you were waiting for a better offer) and then not to respond thankfully and offer to bring something is very poor. It makes them sound very entitled, and if they aren't willing to help out now, will they make Christmas difficult?

Have you hosted them before?

We used to be very close friends but the friendship has cooled a little recently for various and boring reasons (and due to the type of behaviour I have described). We see each other fairly reguarly but not through the week as we both work and have all the family stuff to do to. I had actually seen her briefly on the Sunday but she didn't say anything about Christmas, just texted me later in the evening.

Yes, Sugar, we have hosted them before.

YANBU, of course it is rude. And your DH is not being unreasonable to be fuming, but why would you be worried about him being hostile and ruining the atmosphere? He is grown up enough to just shrug his shoulders and make the best of things, isn't he?

YANBU for expecting a text and for them to ask what they can bring. Even if your host turns down the offer, you don't just roll up with 4 extra people on Christmas Day and expect to be fed without having the courtesy to confirm the arrangement.

I also agree that your DH needs to behave like an adult though. Being hostile and annoyed on Christmas Day is U. Far better to speak to these friends now and check if they still plan to come. Since you've already extended an invitation it'd be a bit churlish to withdraw it but perhaps leave them to make their own arrangements next year?

Sorry but i think this is your own fault. Why on earth did you say yes? It would have been quite easy to explain that you had made plans/ordered food etc and it was too late to change them now.

If you act like a doormat unfortunately you will get treated like one.

I definitely would not withdraw the offer, that would be mean. I didn't even really mind them taking up the offer so late, but not to even reply or to offer to help? I feel really disappointed.

I am sure that DH will suck it up on Christmas day and behave, but things like this have happened just too, too many times and I think he is just extremely annoyed with them now. Hope the wine doesn't talk for him!

They will definitely be left to make their own arrangements next year!

Thanks for the replies, I think I needed to vent a bit too x

I think you should speak to her and find out for sure.

While you're at it ask her what puddings she's thinking of bringing along with some wine and see what her reaction is?

Your dh shouldn't be arsey , will be calm down nearer the time?

You are nice than me. I would have said that I had worked on the assumption they weren't coming as they hadn't responded to the invitation for nearly 7 weeks.

nicer not nice

katiecubs - I think you are probably right! However, had she texted right back and been grateful or appreciative then I wouldn't be feeling like this and all would be good. I didn't know she wasn't going to relpy when I said yes and the lack of reponse is the main annoyance!

You could just text now saying Did you receive my text? She will get the message that she should have replied whilst still being polite.

NotMost - yes I think this is what I will do. Thanks

She is being a bit off-hand. However, this texting does seem to lead to communications breakdowns and misunderstandings. I don't text myself but I have seen other folk have this problem and have been annoyed at texts they have been sent. I think a phone call is better to sort things out.

phone her, ask if she is coming & tell her a few things that would be appreciated as a contribution!
It is up to you not to allow her to take the piss. [festive stern face emoticon required]

Vivien - I do appreciate what you are saying, but I had seen her in person earlier in the day and she didn't mention it. I am also not entirely sure how you can misinterpret "Can we come for Christmas day with you?" and my reply "Yes, of course you can" and to hear nothing?

Yep i see what you are saying smiling and agree it is very rude behaviour but if she has done this kind of thing before then i guess you should not expect so much from her.

If it was me i would text her back and say "not heard back from you so unsure if you are still planning on coming or not? can you let me know as it would be great to also organise who brings what so we aren't doubling up"