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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think you don't invite other people on days out you have planned weeks in advance?

32 replies

WeAreEternal · 13/12/2012 06:55

I arranges to go shopping with my sister today, I took the day off work especially.

We live a couple of hours away from one another so we don't see each other that often.

We arranged this trip over a month ago, it was her idea.
We both live around 30-40 miles either side of The city that we are arranging to go shopping in.
DSIS doesnt drive so planned to get the train (it's only a 20 minute journey) and meet me there.

Last night I called her to see what time she wanted to meet up and she said "I've arranged a lift so can meet anytime"

I asked her who the lift was with and she said a friend who I don't particularly like but get along with
I asked her why she didn't tell me that she was inviting someone else. She said that she didn't think it mattered.

AIBU to be annoyed that she invited someone else just so that she didn't have to get the train?

I wouldn't have minded so much if she had told me before hand, but she has just left it to the last minute (not unusual for her).

Plus I hardly ever get to see my sister, the last time I saw her was in the half term.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 13/12/2012 06:59

That would annoy me to.

Hattie11 · 13/12/2012 07:00

She said she's getting a lift, she doesn't appear to have said friend will be shopping with you?

ChasedByBees · 13/12/2012 07:00

That would be very irritating.

Onlyaphase · 13/12/2012 07:05

My sister used to do this all the time and it irritated the crap out of me. She no longer does it as much as she realised how irritating it is. This took 30 years to sink in.

YouCanBe · 13/12/2012 07:09

That would annoy me too. It will spoil your sister time!

Original poster
WeAreEternal · 13/12/2012 07:19

She did Hattie she said she didn't think I would mind, which is why she didn't bother telling me.
I did tell her that I was annoyed because if I knew we were inviting other people I would have asked a friend to come too, but when we arranged the day out it was because we haven't seen each other in months and we wanted to spend time together.

OP posts:
FelicityWasSanta · 13/12/2012 07:20

Yanbu that would also wind me up!

Fakebook · 13/12/2012 07:21

Yanbu. That would Piza me off.

AlienRefucksLooksLikeSnow · 13/12/2012 07:32

Is the lift friend definitely shopping with you? couldn't be that she's just going shopping, or to the City, so is dropping your Sis off? If not, and she's hanging out with you all day YANBU it totally changes the dynamics of the day, my Mum brought a friend on a rare day out recently, it was rubbish,we didn't get to talk as normal, and were more concerned about friend having a nice time.

AlienRefucksLooksLikeSnow · 13/12/2012 07:33

Oops sorry Hattie asked that, can't you bring a friend too?

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere · 13/12/2012 07:44

Would definitely annoy me, too. YANBU.

Original poster
WeAreEternal · 13/12/2012 07:48

It's too late for me to ask someone else now, everyone will be at work today.

It will change the day because I was looking forward to going to my favorite Italian in the city for lunch, but now we won't be able to go there because this friend 'v' won't be able to afford it, so we will have to go somewhere cheaper, my sister warned me that last night.
This friend doesn't work so is always skint, so DSIS pre warned me that we "can't go to expensive places because it will make her [friend] uncomfortable"

My sister is a nurse, it's not like we are loaded, and the Italian isn't expensive.

OP posts:
Original poster
WeAreEternal · 13/12/2012 07:51

Thanks all for agreeing weth me,
Sometimes I do wonder if I am being a little bit unreasonable with things like this.
But I will tell DSIS that I would rather her friend not come.

Although I'm sure I will be painted as the unreasonable cowbag that tuning 'their' plans.

OP posts:
thebody · 13/12/2012 08:07

No she's in the wrong here.. Tbh I would cancel, tell dsis that she can shop with her friend and you go somewhere else and enjoy a long lunch with a nice magazine.

She will get the message.

ENormaSnob · 13/12/2012 08:10

Yanbu

I would be very pissed off, more so because of the lunch issue.

Tbh, I'd probably cancel.

slatternlymother · 13/12/2012 08:14

Yes I would also probably cancel. Enjoy your day, by yourself.

That was thoughtless of her.

jellybrain · 13/12/2012 08:23

I am completely on the other side of the fence and wouldn't see this as a problem.
So I will add my first ever YABU to mm Grin

VoiceofUnreason · 13/12/2012 08:26

YANBU. If two people have arranged something, it's a damned cheek to later invite someone else to join without discussing it with the other person.

whois · 13/12/2012 08:32

Agree with OP it's annoying and totally changes the dynamic when someone gets asked without discussion.

DowagersHump · 13/12/2012 08:35

I'd be really hurt if my sister did this :(

Bumblequeen · 13/12/2012 08:39

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at poster's request.

fairylightsandtinsel · 13/12/2012 08:39

no that's not ok. I sort of did it once when I realised I had double booked myself with two friends but we all took our kids together to a park and it worked out alright, but not something like that which is specifically for the two of you.

willstanton · 13/12/2012 08:40

Umm my sister and I do this to eachother all the time - it dosn't bother us in the slightest - we are forever imposing friends on our days out together. We do it the otherway round as well ie bring sister along to day out with friends. Our friends kind of expect that we come as a package and know not to be surprised if we turn up as a two instead of just one of us.

prettybird · 13/12/2012 08:42

YANBU - especially if your dsis is already acknowledging that it would mean changing the plans on where to shop mooch and to eat.

I'd tell your you'd still love to spend the day with her alone but failing that, you can arrange another day and she can enjoy the day with her friend, while you enjoy a day pampering yourself (see if you can book a facial, have lunch at your favourite Italian , have a coffee/glass of wine while enjoying a magazine/good book).

Because you're worth it! Xmas Smile

Original poster
WeAreEternal · 13/12/2012 08:44

If she had said something before now then I probably wouldn't be as annoyed, but she didnt tell me until the last minute because either she didn't think I would be impressed, so she left it to the last minute hoping I would just agree because it was too late to change it. Or she didn't think it was important to tell me that she had changed our plans.

OP posts: