to ask my cousin if my aunt has died?

[forbiddenfruit85]

My fathers side of the family is not close, not through having a fall out, they just aren't close (not spoken in years)

I met my cousins a couple of times, but I was too young to even remember.

Around 4/5 years ago I added one of the cousins on Facebook, we sent around 4 messages (nice and chatty) but then didn't make contact again.

I think said cousin must have joined a dating website because I kept getting adds (at least 3 a day!) posted on my Facebook wall asking for me to write a review about him? It got frustrating so I just ended up deleting him.

Move forward to today, and I've heard from my mum that someone had rung up asking a few odd question about fathers sister, and they think she may have died.

My mum knew that I had contacted cousin before and said maybe I should contact him again?

I'm really not sure how I would even word it. Especially after I deleted him on Facebook as well and haven't spoken for 5 years now and have never been a close family.

Even though my father and my aunt haven't spoken in years, I guess he does have the right to know if his sister has died.

So aibu to ask my cousin if his mother has died?

How is your Mum? Included inusual pleasentries.

Sorry to sound harsh but if he didn't bother to speak to her when she was alive what difference will it make if she died? I think it would be quite rude and possibly upsetting to your cousin if you get in touch and ask him if his Mum died, he will probably wonder why no contact was made with him Mum before and why you all care now, he might even think you are after some inheritance.

My mum died this year. I would emphatically not welcome someone I do not know at all contacting me out of the blue to enquire about her mortality status.

If your dad and his sister haven't spoken in years, what does he care if she's dead or not? And if he's that curious he can search through Somerset House or somewhere. There is no need to upset a bereaved son just to satify your idle curiousty.

I had similar to this last year.

Dad had retired and been told by an ex-collegue that another ex-collegue had died. Dad had worked with for a 25 years and was surprised his wife had not contacted him. But he also didn't want to show up enquirying.

We found out it wasn't true as I happened to speak to someone who knew 'possibly deceased friend'. I simply asked 'oh you know 'bob', erm.....how is he?'

Personally I wouldn't go trying to contact him again regarding it. You dad doesn't actually have a right to know and surely if he wanted to, he would have asked you to help. Not your mum.

Depending on when she died (if the register has been completed) you could find out as her death certificate would be on record and its public record.

I shouldn't have said 'right to know' I guess.

I find it hard to image because I am so close with my siblings.

She was a bridesmaid at my parents wedding so there was closeness there once, but they started speaking less and less until it got to the point where they didn't speak anymore. No falling out though.

Are they local? Look in the local paper 'announcements ' on line.
They go back a few years usually.

Ok, if your dad had died recently, how would you feel about your cousin contacting you out of the blue to check whether he was still alive on behalf of your aunt?

Can you refriend him and then have a look through his timeline? He might have posted about her death. Although sounds as though there are other ways to check online as suggested by PPs

I'm going against the grain and I'd welcome it if I was asked. I have lost a parent, and I imagine it would be nice to know someone else was thinking about them even if they weren't close.

I wouldn't just delve straight in and ask on the first message though, I think you will have to do some niceties first, and explain why you deleted.

Move forward to today, and I've heard from my mum that someone had rung up asking a few odd question about fathers sister, and they think she may have died.
WHo is this information source?
I understand you and your father wanting to know but would not contact your cousin if he wanted your to know he would have contacted you.

can't your dad pick up the phone?

If they never fell out could your dad not just phone his sister and see?

Google their name and obituary