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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think dh is selfish?

12 replies

TwinklingWonderland · 12/12/2012 08:35

Over the years my father (df) has helped out dh and I with money for our house deposit etc, paid for caravanning holidays and so on. Probably to the tune of around £20k. Dh and I didn't ask for the money as were both working and not hard up. We were both thankful, df said he wanted to help us for his gc future, hence giving us the money.

Df is now ill and can no longer drive. He asked whether we'd like to buy his car. Dh and I said we were interested and would like to think about it, dm told me as df wanted to get rid of it he wouldn't want much for it. Anyway, df said to me a couple of weeks ago that he'd like £8k for the car. Dh and I were surprised as market value is probably more like £6.5k. I said to dh that I didn't want to haggle as df has been very kind to us in the past, we can afford to pay the extra, especially as df loved his car and it would be rude to an elderly person to haggle (he won't be driving again). Df did say he was happy to take whatever dh and I thought it was worth.

So dh has decided, without speaking to me first, that he's going to buy a different car, that is similar to dfs but cheaper. I feel like dh is being a selfish brat, as he openly admits that if df had asked for less for the car then he would want to buy it. Aibu?

OP posts:
Flatbread · 12/12/2012 08:37

No, you are right. He is not showing respect for your df's feelings.

He sounds like a selfish prat.

SugaricePlumFairy · 12/12/2012 08:41

That's really mean of your dh, will he listen to you when you tell him he's acting like a dick?

Convert · 12/12/2012 08:42

I think if you can afford it then I would buy your DFs car. I think it's really rude not to even discuss it with you first.

StuntGirl · 12/12/2012 08:45

He's being uneeasonable to do it without even discussing it with you.

If you can easily afford it I'd be inclined to pay the £8k as your dad has been so generous in the past; however if it would be a struggle I'd offer the market value and then let your father decide.

Whichever way you go should be something you're both happy with though. Ask your husband how he'd feel if you just agreed to buy your dads car without consulting him at all.

dreamingbohemian · 12/12/2012 08:47

I think your DH is being really insensitive. I hope he won't be so cheap if you end up needing to support your parents in other ways as they get older.

SeasonallySnowyPeasant · 12/12/2012 08:50

That's mean, YANBU.

HappyAsASandboy · 12/12/2012 08:53

You are absolutely right. If your DH doesn't want to pay the £8k, he souls at least buy a completely different car so that you can tell your dad it was because you liked the other car more.

I was in a similar position recently with my Grandad. He thought his car was worth £4k, I thought £3k, and we settled on £3.5k immediately. He then gave me £100 to help me out with petrol for it Grin I got a good car at a slightly inflated price, my Grandad got less money than he was expecting but likes that I have his car rather than a stranger. The £3.5k was enough to buy him a mobility scooter so he can still get to the shops Grin

INeedThatForkOff · 12/12/2012 09:27

The other thing is that used cars generally dropped in value under the scrappage scheme (don't know if that's still the case now the scheme is no more). Perhaps your GF has based his assumption on previous rates of depreciation.

Why not get hold of Parkers price guide and use that to help you decide whether it's reasonable and affordable?

NoTeaForMe · 12/12/2012 09:34

Hmm, I think your husband was out of order to go and buy a similar car to the one your dad was selling without even discussing it with you first. Actually I'd be annoyed if my husband bought a car without talking to me first, whatever the other circumstances!

But...I do think that you should have researched the cars actual market value and told your dad that, then offered a little bit more than that. It's a bit cheeky of him to try and sell you a car £2,000 more than its worth! I know he'a been very generous in the past and that's lovely, but I think that's a separte thing really.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 12/12/2012 10:57

YANBU

Haggle for the £1500 to be deducted from the value of the car....then pay him back the £20k he has lent you and DH over the years.

I don't get your DH's logic at all....he sounds very selfish.

TwinklingWonderland · 12/12/2012 12:43

Thanks all. Your views have confirmed what I had thought about the situation. I think I may suggest I use my savings to pay for most or all of dfs car, dh can chose to contribute or he won't be allowed in the car Grin.

Sadly it seems that some people reward kindness with an expectation of handouts forever more, my eyes have been opened to dh....

OP posts:
ClippedPhoenix · 12/12/2012 13:05

YANBU, your DH has acted very selfishly here with no regard to anyone's feelings Sad

I second buying it yourself.

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