To want to leave DH but not have a notion what to so next

[hippoherostandinghere]

This may be long, apologies in advance but I have never admitted any of this before.

After yet another argument with H tonight I've decided I've had enough and want to separate. It started from something stupid but ended the way it always does. In nasty comments and screaming. I'm so unhappy In this marriage but am scared to leave. What the hell do I do next. I've realised that he's just jot a very nice person and if I stay I will be forever miserable.

I just don't know how to go about this. Where do I go from here? He works nights is is away to work. So I'm at home with the DCs. But he's so stubborn that I know he won't leave so ill have to take the kids eventually and find another home. We co-own our house but have Zero chance of selling it in this market.

Am I selfish to split up my family because my DHs makes me miserable. The last thing I wanted was for my kids to come from a broken home

Have you spoken to him about the fact that this is how he is making you feel and you are prepared to leave him if there is no change?

Do you have anyone that you could go and stay with for a few days as a trial separation?

And don't look at it as a 'broken home'. It's only broken if it's an unhappy home, if you can give them a happy home as a single parent then you owe them that.

I've told him over and over again that he makes me miserable bit he does nothing. He doesn't change. He's shouty and lazy and very under appreciative. He makes no effort at all. He just works and sleeps.

I could stay with my parents but I doubt I could admit to them what's going on. I know I'll have to eventually but this seems such a massive task, I can't see how to make it happen.

If you leave your husband, your parents are going to notice....

I think that you should tell them that you are unhappy in your marriage- if they care about you and your DC's then they will only want the best for you. Not just to score cheap 'I told you so' points.

Your DC's are more important than your pride.

If you're going to leave, you will need to admit to them, and others, what is going on. Break it up into smaller, more achievable tasks. Call your parents. Open a new bank account. Work out what you need to take. Find a van hire place. Find a lawyer. Speak to an estate agent.

And believe me, coming from a broken home is always infinitely preferable to coming from a miserable, afraid one.

It sounds like he works hard for you and the family and gets tired and grumpy doing it. Is there really no way you can work things out? I wonder what his story would be?

He does work hard doing nights and he is grumpy. He's in a new job and its tough going but it doesn't give him an excuse to be so nasty to me an to do nothing at home.

I work too, part time but do my hours over long shifts. He thinks just because I'm part time I can do everything in the house.

I've tried to work things out several times, I'm always the one who backs down. I'm just a coward who doesn't have the guts to do anything about it.

Thanks for all the advice.

Go with your gut instinct. You know your relationship better than anybody on the internet.

Maybe some space for a few days will help give you both some perspective.

Don't assume it will be you and the kids who will be leaving. You co-own the home; it may well be you and the DCs who stay and he who is ordered to go, by a court if necessary.

there's no substitute for early legal advice about your financial options; it might help you plan your next steps.

you did say 'DH' but even if you aren't married, it could be the same outcome - all depends on the details.