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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

...to have a nativity scene on display when we are atheists?

57 replies

MackerelOfFact · 11/12/2012 14:28

Just that, really. It belonged to my GM before she passed away, it's quite a funky one from Mexico (a bit like this but kind of purple and gold) and it looks quite cute and festive.

DP however is appalled that as staunch atheists we have it on display and it sends the wrong message to the DCs and guests about our beliefs. I don't believe in God but I think it's a nice story and don't see why we can't depict it.

Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:

MissCellania · 11/12/2012 14:30

I'd find it a bit odd, to be honest. It's his home too though.

OneWellAndTrulyCrackeredMummy · 11/12/2012 14:33

Neither of you are BU.

As an atheist I wouldn't display it no, perhaps you could put it in your bedroom where you can enjoy it & its not in anyone's face, as its the sentimental value not the religious value that makes it important.

Every year I look at at the olive wood nativity in Lakeland & every year I think but I wouldn't be able to put it out :(

ihaverunoutofnicknameideas · 11/12/2012 14:37

I think it is perhaps a bit strong of DP to be "appalled" personally but I suppose it depends on how staunch his beliefs are - some people take religion/ lack of religion very seriously.

Do you celebrate Christmas? Whether or not you actually believe in the nativity story/ Bible you can still respect Christianity and acknowledge the nativity story as being the story on which the celebration of Christmas is based.

I don't believe in God either but have no issue with DD taking part in nativity play, singing carols etc at school.

LoopsInHoops · 11/12/2012 14:37

YANBU. I'm atheist and have a traditional advent calendar for the DCs. It;s pretty. We do stuff for other religious and cultural festivals too, means nothing other than fun and prettiness.

piprabbit · 11/12/2012 14:38

I have a nice nativity set that we get out and talk about the Christmas story. To me it is only a story - but it makes a nice change from "Christmas is the time of year when I get loads of presents" story.

We have also collected over many years some elves, pixies, reindeer with a flashing nose and a nutcracker painted like a toy soldier. None of them are really, real either.

DivineInspiration · 11/12/2012 14:40

I don't see why it sends the wrong message to your DC. The UK is about to celebrate Christmas, the Nativity is central to the Christmas story, it seems pertinent to explain to DC who are old enough to understand Christmas that this is what Christians believe happened and even if we don't all agree that it did or not, this is still where the celebration originates from.

Is your DP actually and genuinely appalled by it? That seems like a bit of a disproportionate emotion towards a set of wooden miniatures, but I do also agree that if he truly does feel this way then you need to take his feelings into account.

Arcticwaffle · 11/12/2012 14:41

Our atheist household has two sets. One stone, one knitted. One set given by each set of (ever hopeful) Christian grandparents. I'm not wild about them but once they're merged in with the reindeer, penguins, father Christmases etc it just comes across as one more Christmas story.

Pandemoniaa · 11/12/2012 14:41

I'd find it a bit peculiar, tbh. Why would you want such an overt demonstration of Christian iconography on display? Especially if your DP is vehemently opposed.

HilaryM · 11/12/2012 14:44

I'm an atheist and we have the lovely Lakeland olive wood one. I also send my children to a church school (it's our closest school and we applied as 'non churchgoers).

I am a very traditional person, though, and I enjoy some of the rituals of Christianity especially at Xmas even though I don't believe. I think, like Richard Dawkins, I'm a 'cultural christian'.

PostBellumBugsy · 11/12/2012 14:50

Mackerel if you & your DP are about to join with most of the rest of the western world in the celebration of that 2000 year old feast of Christmas (celebrating the birth of Christ) then I don't honestly think your DP has a leg to stand on!

apachepony · 11/12/2012 14:50

I'm an atheist and I have one, given to me and added to each year by my dm (I said I'ld like one after seeing my dsis'). I love it, I remember being captivated by the story as a child, and it will always remind me of my dm. It's just a lovely fairy tale afterall isn't it? Even the pope says the nativity story isn't true

piprabbit · 11/12/2012 14:52

This is our set (we have the tiny 6cm version). We don't have the 'stage' to stand it all on - they sort of migrate round the house in different settings.

notMarlene · 11/12/2012 15:11

TBH I think unless you choose not to celibate christmas at all then it's important to be clear to DC what it is actually about, fairy tail or no it's an important religious happening.

With out a mention of the nativity it's surely just a gross consumerist fest of over consumption with no rhyme or reason.

I say this as a fellow atheist.

We have a nativity tell the story to the DC, they know that although a lot of people believe it to be a true story we don't, but nobody knows for sure and it's fine if they want to choose to believe. We let them know that a lot of people are celebrating the birth of jesus we like to make a nice celibration the brighten the darkest days of winter and enjoy being together with close family and friends.

But, we're lucky to have sinterklaas here, he brings masses of presents and over-the-top-ness (as well difficult to handle racial stuff) at the beginning of december. So, it's easy to skip the present fest (although they do have a wee stocking), it's more or less the same for all DC here so they don't feel left out in any way.

So, yeah, IMHO it is U to have a nativity and not have it about at the relevant time.

MrsTerrysChocolateOrange · 11/12/2012 15:13

Do you have any Disney princesses, Gruffelo toys, My Little Ponies? All things that your DP presumably thinks aren't real lying around the house.

Annunziata · 11/12/2012 15:15

I think it's a bit odd but Christmas is really religious so.

That set is very pretty.

YourHandInMyHand · 11/12/2012 15:16

I'm an atheist with a nativity on display. This is due to the fact that this year my child with special needs was finally able to verbalise to me that he believes in god and jesus. Because they got told about this and pray at school. I had no idea state schools were legally meant to worship god. He didn't have the skills to tell me. So for the last 5 years he has had this insidiously taught to him and as I had no knowledge of the situation I was unable to offer a differing view, or even point out that SOME people believe, SOME don't.

As you can tell I'm not happy about it but it turns out my child is a believer so we have a nativity.

MrsHoarder · 11/12/2012 15:19

Do you have any father Christmas "dolls" lying around? If so, presumably your dp doesn't have an issue with them despite not believing in him?

chocoluvva · 11/12/2012 15:26

Atheists here too.

We have part of a nativity scene acquired over the years - the baby Jesus in the manger was made by DS when he was 2 and the angel was made by DD when she was little. We've never got round to getting a Mary and Joseph though so every Christmas poor baby Jesus is chilminded by one of the three kings!

We justify joining in with the celebrations to the children by explaining to them that we're taking advantage of the opportunity to spend time together as a family and be in touch with friends and relations who we don't often see.

Original poster

MackerelOfFact · 11/12/2012 15:43

TBH I wouldn't go out and specifically buy a nativity scene, but I don't see why a pretty thing that has sentimental value to me should be hidden away purely because of its Christian symbolism.

Perhaps 'appalled' is a strong word but he barely tolerates it and is quite embarrassed by it. I don't see how it's much different to a Father Christmas or Rudolph statue, as others have said.

OP posts:

PostBellumBugsy · 11/12/2012 15:46

Mackerel, tell him you won't be buying him any pressies this year or allowing him to join in Christmas dinner, because you don't want to embarrass him with symbols of Christianity!

Annunziata · 11/12/2012 15:49

He's that upset over some little figures? If he's celebrating Christmas he doesn't really have a leg to stand on! Tell him he's being ridiculous!

ethelb · 11/12/2012 15:50

What would your DP do if you were religious?

I'm religious, DP is an atheist and put his Grandma's gorgeous nativity set up at the weekend.

Can't he see it as a nice story.

HullyEastergully · 11/12/2012 15:51

I am a raving atheist and we have at least 3 nativities from different countries. I also have a lot of santas and flying reindeers that I don't quite think are real either.

autumnmum · 11/12/2012 15:51

I'm an atheist and we have one. Kids know I don't believe in God but that daddy might (non-practicing catholic, can't make up his mind) and that Nana and Grandad do believe in God (practicing Catholics). I love the whole ethos of Christmas, even if I'm not religious.

AmberSocks · 11/12/2012 15:52

We have one,a nice wooden one from GLTC.i am an theist too and so is dh,he rolled his eyes when he saw it but the kids know its all just a story anyway,its just for fun.

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