What would you do ???

[Leogirl73]

I've just had 2 really nice little windfalls in the last week , both amounting to £1000 this is really a big deal to me as I don't have a lot of money and I was delighted , I planned on having a really nice Xmas buying family extra things etc , was going to take dh for a meal and buy him some nice prezzies for Xmas , he has know being really horrible to me saying why having you give me any money yet , I only had £15 in my purse at the time so offered him that he told me to keep it ! I'm not mean and just wanted to share my little wins and have a nice Xmas , I went out shopping today and bought him a lovely shirt when I told him he said I don't want it , I wanted the money ! I feel like I can't win ! What would you do in my shoes ? Xx thanks for reading xx

:( He sounds horrible

I would tell him to whistle and treat myself

Or, if he's always such a charmer either put it towards Relate or a good solicitor

Sorry he's taken the shine off your good luck

Is he usually such an arse? I would take the shirt back for a refund and not give him anything!

He's being a complete and utter arse! I'd spend the money on yourself and DC (if you have any).

I would tell him to fuck right off if that is his attitude.

He has a good job earns a good salary , he always says he has no money !! He is being so nasty , I feel he is acting like a spoilt child ! Thanks ladies xx

Hmmm, very different responses to when someone asks, "DH has got a bonus, AIBU to expect him to give half of it up?"

Do you share money normally? In this house a windfall for either of us would be used on something we both agreed on, or would be splpit 50:50. It depends on how you run your finances.

Ive got to admit if i was short of money and dp got a windfall but decided to get me little presents without sharing any money id be abit naffed, specially if i needed the money rather than the treats if you see what i mean. agree with wmittens would be very different the other way around. You have done a lovely thing but maybe he is struggling money wise

That's what his argument is mittens , he doesn't get a work bonus , but he claims that if he comes in to money he would share for example he won an office draw last year it was a type of rollover thing he won £1900 split it with a colleague , as they had both agreed to do so if either one won it , I got zero from his win !

You won the money, you want to spend it on making Christmas great for the family
unless he is suddenly not part of your family he is just being a spoilt child.

Out of interest what did he spend his winning on last year?
The fact that he didnt share any of his win, especially when it was for almost the same amount, is enough of a reason to tell him to take a running jump.

And I would say exactly the same thing if it was the other way around.

Just re-read this thread OP.
It will tell you what he's like.

Put it in the bank for when you leave the bastard.

HTH

He did spend it on decorating our dc bedroom new bed etc , but I was going to spend it on the family too including him !

I would split the money, and would expect dh to do the same, unless we agreed on spending on something in particular. That is based on everything else being shared though. If that is not the case, I might view it differently,

I can see why he may have wanted to discuss what you spent the money on, but if he's thinking you should have just handed some over to him, then he's an arse.

Ultimately, if its your money, you get to decide what it's spent on. Presumably as an adult with a family, you can be trusted to spend it wisely.

I'd tell him to fuck off.

If it was a 'DH won lots of money and won't give me any wahh wahh I want cash' then the answer would be the same!! OPs DH is acting very selfish and childish, its no wonder he isn't getting anything.
Think about it this way, if your child said 'I want to buy something, give me money now!' would you?!
Tell him to sod off and buy yourself something nice!!

That is exactly my point everything ! I feel if a child were to shout and rant I want this that and the other it is considered rather spoilt , I bought him a nice shirt which was the equivalent of say a nice bottle of perfume if he won some money and bought me a bottle of no5 I would have been delighted not ungrateful and snipe I'd rather have had the money !

He's your DH? So this is family money, unless you have an odd financial setup where you both keep money you earn.

If my DH came into some money, I expect we would talk about how we both envisioned it being used. Neither of us would unilaterally decide anything. Although it was thoughtful of you to think of buying him something, perhaps actually talking about it first would have helped. Maybe he didn't want or need a shirt, but there was something else he would've really enjoyed or found useful. Giving is about the other person, not you.

Having said that, your relationship seems rather dysfunctional in terms of finances, particularly seeing that he set the precedent about not sharing money. This would be unacceptable for me, and many others here. Ask yourself the uncomfortable question, is this the only red flag in your relationship?

Don't split the money (he didn't with his win) but do spend it on something for the family (like he did with his win). Also stick some in an account for a rainy day.

He is being very demanding and childish at the moment.