WWYD? - DD's room-mate has BO

[sidandlinus]

Posting here for the traffic really - it's more a WWYD? To be brief - my DD is a weekly boarder (Sunday night until Friday night) and shares a bedroom with another girl. Both girls are 15 and get on well. The problem is that her room-mate has (according to DD and other boarders) very, very bad BO. She showers everyday and uses deodorant but still a very unpleasant smell lingers. It's now reached the point where my daughter is spraying deodorant in her room to mask the smell and is reluctant to go in her room (except for sleep). Other boarders know it's not DD but she is beginning to find the experience very unpleasant - she says the smell is enough to make her gag. The problem is how does she handle this? She is scared to say something that will cause offence as her room mate is nice enough and she doesn't want there to be any bad feelings. She could request a change of room (there are single rooms available) but she doesn't want her room mate to think she doesn't like her. She could ask one of the adults there to mention something but again she is worried about upsetting her room-mate. I am at a loss as to suggestions. I don't want to wade in on her behalf and I think she should find a solution - but not sure what! All hints/tips about extra showers/deodorants/smellies fall on deaf ears and this girl does shower - they have a shared bathroom so DD knows it's not this. Any tips?

Can she not confide with her housemistress and let her deal with it??

The girl I shared a room with in the first year of university had this problem. I didn't say anything and I just learned to live with it.

Hmm very awkward!

If the girl showers daily and wears deodorant but still has a very strong body odour, perhaps she has a medical problem? Could your daughter mention it to staff, who could then pretend to have noticed it of their own accord and talk to the girl?

Otherwise, if your daughter does not want to say anything, I would suggest she make up a white lie about why she wants a single room, so as not to hurt the girl's feelings, and move out!

I know you say the other girl showers but does she wash her clothes frequently enough? There was someone I knew at uni who thought that, as long as one showered every day, you didn't need to wash your clothes. So he'd start off the term Ok but by the end of term dear god he reeked to high heaven! It would appear that his mother washed all his clothes over the holidays but the idea that he had to wash them during termtime didn't occur to him...

Are her clothes being washed enough? Maybe it's now imbedded into her clothes?

I think your daughter should speak to a member of staff she trusts to handle it sensitively.

I agree with poledra. My roommate was showering daily but it was her clothes that smelled.

I did take a boy who was in my class and had the same problem to one side and told him really nicely that he had a bit of an odour problem and that was the reason he was being bullied and that there were steps he could take to solve it and should do that. He was ok with me telling him, he never sorted it out though..

I think someone needs to sensitively tell her. It won't be nice to hear but its not nice to be smelly and have everyone know you as the smelly person either..

she might have some type of hormonal problem... could you speak to the housemistress about maybe her speaking with the girls parents, as though it were any other type of inimate medical issue....

House matron, Housemistress or cleaning staff. All presumably have occasion to go into the room and need not finger your DD.

Sad. And awkward. The girl should know - and it could be medical.

She needs to speak to the housemistress or a matron she likes. If it's that bad, it will presumably be affecting other girls wanting to sit next to her in lessons/hang out with her at weekends if she's termly boarding. It's a PSHE issue as well really, so the house staff should be able to approach the girl about it. Your poor dd :(