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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not be able to get used to DSs name?

61 replies

pageturner1 · 09/12/2012 22:31

DS is four months old and I still cannot get used to calling him his name and flinch when I hear others say it. We gave him my favourite name ever but there is something about it that doesn't feel like his name - if that makes sense. I can't work out why this is.

Has anyone else felt like this? If so, how long did it take for you to get used to your DCs name? Is there anyone who is still not comfortable with it? I'm wondering if I'll always feel like this.

OP posts:
Musomathsci · 09/12/2012 22:34

How odd! Is it a name that you can shorten? Would that feel any more comfortable?

It's not too late to add another name to his birth certificate (I think) if you are really too uncomfortable to live with it. I'm sure it's possible to change the name in the first few months.

RobinsBaubleSparkles · 09/12/2012 22:35

Yeah, I think it's normal. You will get used to it! Xmas Grin

I felt odd for a while with both my DDs after they were born. DD2 is known mostly by the shortening of her name and, even now at 22 months, it still feels odd if I hear someone call her the long version!

louisianablue2000 · 09/12/2012 22:39

You won't always feel like this, it will just become his name when you get out of the post-birth hormonal mess. DD1 and DS got my favourite girl and boy names ever. I have had doubts about both names. On the other hand DD2 didn't get her name until the day after she was born, I've never had any doubt about it despite it being the name most people here find challenging. The difference was DD2's birth and first few months were as good as you could hope so I was in a lovely happy bubble.

Jojobells1986 · 09/12/2012 22:39

I'm not wildly keen about my DS's name. He's an individual & therefore it doesn't seem right that he doesn't have a completely unique name. It's ridiculous but I just couldn't find a name that was just 'him'. DH had to choose the name! I've mostly gotten over it now that he's nearly 14 months but I still have moments where it sounds odd! Hmm

threesocksfullofchocs · 09/12/2012 22:40

yanbu
I took a while to get used to dd's name, no idea why(well I do but not the thread for that) but I got over it.

TooImmatureMincePies · 09/12/2012 22:42

I still feel surprised when people refer to DD (9 months) by her name. I always call her Bean or Monkey. Blush I do love the name, though.

duke · 09/12/2012 22:46

I couldn't call my ds1 by his name as it seemed too old and was a bit unusual so I called him 'baby' for 6 months and used a shortening of his name, then I met a baby with the shortened version of his name as their full name and thought no your not going to be called that so called him his old sounding name from that day on. He's 8 now and it really suits him.

hiviolet · 09/12/2012 22:50

I do think it's normal. For me it felt like my daughter was too little to have a "proper" name, so I would use pet names for her instead. I definitely felt strange calling her by her name. Things changed as she got bigger and gained a personality Grin

steppemum · 09/12/2012 22:51

I do think that certain names are right for certain children. I chose names for all of mine, but it wasn't until I met them that I really knew if that name was right for them. My mum named me and then chnage dit 48 hours later having decided it just wasn't me.
My favourite girl's name just wasn't right for dd1, and we called her something else which suits her. We used my favourite name for dd2 and it suits her.
So yes, I do think that even if it is a favourite name, it might not 'fit' your dc.

But I am not sure what you can do now. Can you use a middle name as his everyday name? Or add a name? Or use a short version of it?

In the end I think you would get used to it, but better decide now rather than later.

Princesspond · 09/12/2012 22:57

Just for your info, I think you are allowed to change their name before they are one relatively easily.

Original poster
pageturner1 · 09/12/2012 22:59

Thanks for replying. Steppemum, DS does have a middle name but I'm not really a fan of using middle names day to day as always think it could be confusing - having to explain that his name is x but is known as y. Its possible to change a babys birth certificate up to 12 months but I didnt really want to do this -am just hoping to get used to his name.

OP posts:
Softlysoftly · 09/12/2012 23:04

Names imbue personalities, especially if you have had it in your head before baby even arrived.

Unfortunately newborns don't really have the big personalities to match, they are insular and unconnected but for feeding and pooing so I think they don't live up to a name.

Both my girls have long names they will grow into as adults and shortened/nicknames that they grew into about 6 months.

DD2 is 7 months and has only just taken ownership of her name as her mega personality stamps itself all over it Grin

So don't fret it just call your DS monkeychops, or chipmunk or stinkybum until he makes his name his own usually when you begin yelling "Englebert put the squirrel DOWN!"

InExitCelsisDeo · 09/12/2012 23:06

So what is it that you don't like? It was the name you chose, but it doesn't suit him?

steppemum · 09/12/2012 23:08

softly, you have reminded me that I actually called ds 'little bunny' for months, until I realised maybe it would stick and he would be stuck with this baby nickname! Didn't use his real name for ages. It is really fab on him now aged 10

cece · 09/12/2012 23:10

I must admit I didn't really like the names I chose for my DC after I had given it to them. Especially DD I felt exactly as you say you do. She is 11 now and it is her name and it suits her but it took me a while to get used to it.

DS1 and 2 were the same but now their names are perfect for them.

Original poster
pageturner1 · 09/12/2012 23:12

InExit, I still like the name but it doesn't feel like DSs name. I don't know if it suits him or not as I'm not sure if any person actually 'suits' a name - a name just becomes theirs - if you see what I mean!

OP posts:
InExitCelsisDeo · 09/12/2012 23:13

I know what you mean. But if it doesn't sit right with you, is there another name that does?

buzzbuzzbuzzingBee · 09/12/2012 23:33

That happened to me with DD1 and DS1's names. It took about a year for DD1's name to suit her- even then it was a shortened version, and until about 8mnths for DS1. If it feels more comfortable, call him honeybun/honeybunny, little monkey, beansprout, pooeybum, whatever (they've all been baby nicknames for my DCs at some point Xmas Blush), because babies are perfect for ridiculous, adorable nicknames because they can't get annoyed or embarrassed about them.

TheHoneyDragonsDrunkInTheIvy · 09/12/2012 23:40

It is weird naming a little being that still feels very much part of you. It will be fine, baby's aren't one for good manners and don't need to be formally addressed Smile

Viviennemary · 09/12/2012 23:46

I think it does sound a bit strange this little being has a name in the first few weeks. If you really feel it isn't him think about changing it. If you have another name you'd like.

AcidTurkishBath · 09/12/2012 23:57

I felt really odd calling ds by his name. He's 5 now and I've slipped into using his middle name. I actually like his middle name a lot less but it suits him more. He knows to reply to both names and I usually introduce him as his first name. It's really only for school and to friends that we point out he uses his middle name. It isn't a hassle so don't rule it out as an option.

MammaTJ · 10/12/2012 00:04

My DS is 6. I like his first name but his middle name seems wrong. He seems to like it though.

GrimAndHumourlessAndEven · 10/12/2012 00:04

I called DS1 The Baby for many months; I struggled with bonding as it was a traumatic delivery and he was in scbu for a while and didn't feel mine iyswim.

This passed by his first birthday

zipzap · 10/12/2012 00:16

It took us until the day before the limit was up to choose ds2's name - we'd got the registrar's appointment booked for that day and so had to have something! He was known by a nickname that ds1 (then 2.5) had chosen when he was still a bump - and named after ds1's favourite nursery rhyme rather than an actual person per se so not really a name that you could carry through into real life (think 'Twinkle Twinkle' except it was a different rhyme).

I was happy with the name we chose for him in the end - and it does suit him. However the name I would have liked him to have dh vetoed because it is ancient egyptian and he just thought it was wrong. I've always liked it and thought it would have been a bit different, plus it could have had lots of different nicknames from it, from interesting to some that could also have come from a normal top100 type name if he wanted to play down his interesting name in years to come.

When it came to second names - having taken so long with the first, there wasn't that much time for the second. I still have no idea how we ended up with Edward as a second name when:

  1. we didn't want to use names of friends or family and it is the name of a good friend
  2. It's fairly close to dh's name and nicknames are often interchangeable between the two
  3. It's an ok name I suppose but it hasn't ever shown up on either my list or dh's lists of names for ds1 or ds2 and isn't one that I could imagine myself choosing.

I still to this day wonder what the hell happened. And it still feels wrong as a name for ds2 (now4).

I burst into tears in the registrar's office - I couldn't believe we were using it and it just seemed wrong - the registrar bless her left us alone to have another conversation while she went and did the next people after us as they were already there, then came back to us. partly because we couldn't get another appointment before the deadline date and partly because by that time dh wanted edward as the second name we ended up with it Hmm.

I also wanted to add my surname in as a second middle name but dh refused because we hadn't done it for ds1 so he thought it would be unfair for ds2 to have it and not ds1, and also unfair if ds1 had to have his name changed when he was 3 and thus used to it. First time round, when naming ds1, there was a lot of other stuff going on, dh was very ill, I was pretty ill, so I was just glad that I'd managed to get to the registrar (then lived in a different place). So much going on that I didn't think about adding my name in, which would have been sensible as I haven't changed my name after getting married and it could be handy to have my name at least in the ds' names.

So no - yadnbu if you can't find yourself liking your ds's name. Do you find yourself calling him something else when you are thinking about him or talking to him when you are on your own, different from what you would call him when others are around? I used to find myself thinking of ds2 as the nickname of the name I would have liked him to have and it took a long time to train myself not to! And of course - post pg hormones throw into the mix don't help at all!

Good luck - hope it all settles down and feels ok soon, and that if it doesn't then you are able to find a solution that you are happy with...

GwendolineMaryLacedwithBrandy · 10/12/2012 00:32

I couldn't go into the registry office to register dd2. I was so disappointed that she wouldn't be called the name I loved that I knew I'd burst into tears when I was asked for the name.

Now I feel bad because I was there for the registration of dd1 but not her. And I've grown to accept the name I guess.