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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU

15 replies

Iceaddict · 09/12/2012 21:16

Ok so, split with my partner and father of 2dcs last march, hated being away from him even though we had problems, after 6-7 months apart we tried again and things have been so much better. One issue that will not change is his mums and my relationship. Tried so hard to put up with her and was nice even when I didn't want to be. She made it clear to me many times she doesnt like me very much or thinks I'm not good enough for her son. For example, I discussed my worries about his drinking with her and she basically bought him beers when we were struggling badly, both with money and the drinking. I asked her for help as I needed the support.

Anyway she basically disagreed there was a problem and carried on helping him to drink (maybe 8 cans of lager a night.)

So with that and other things that have gone on for 13 yrs I decided the only way for me to stay sane was not to see her at all. She makes me so stressed to the point of illness. I drop my DC's off whenever she wants to see them and never stand in the way of her seeing them or vice versa. It's my issue and i have to deal with it.

Ive just asked dp if he fancies having a few friends round to our house between Christmas and new yr as its my bday. And he said we can't as his mum won't have the kids over night if its for me. She did have them overnight regularly before.

It's a bit of a bummer but not so bad as my parents will have them now and again. They work a lot and have a social life (I don't expect our parents to babysit I know they're our kids)

Dp told her he's tried to talk to me about it but we don't get anywhere. Because In my opinion he's on the defensive when it comes up and always ends in a row.

but AIBU to think this is so petty. Just because she doesn't see me anymore. (She obv doesn't like me anyway btw.) she won't baby sit for us to spend time together if its my idea???

Thanks if you bothered to read that btw Grin

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Iceaddict · 09/12/2012 21:17

Wow sorry longest post ever

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SantaIAmSoFuckingRock · 09/12/2012 21:20

yes she sounds really petty. i would just never ask her for anything again, even if it is babysitting for both of you. if he wants to ask her that's fine but if she is going to be like that i would just avoid giving her any opportunity to remind me that she doesn't like me. you dont need her.

Iceaddict · 09/12/2012 21:24

Thanks so much that's exactly how I feel. I've wanted to post on here about the situation many times but tonight I just had to. There's so much to say about what she's done but it'd take a week to read.

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Iceaddict · 09/12/2012 21:32

Would you stop taking them there unless they ask to go? I don't want to be a bitch about it but don't want to bother really. Dp doesn't have room in car to take both that's why I take them

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squeakytoy · 09/12/2012 21:34

Why do you need to have babysitters if you are at home. The kids will be fine wont they?

YANBU to avoid seeing her though if she enables his drinking to that extent.

SantaIAmSoFuckingRock · 09/12/2012 21:36

the dcs? i'd always give them the choice. if she rings to ask for them i would always ask them. (how old are they?) i'm assuming she doesn't drive?

Iceaddict · 09/12/2012 21:42

They are 2 and 4 and she doesn't drive. The reason I want them out the house is so I can just enjoy myself, they'd get up if they heard people here and I don't want to be up and down the stairs all night putting them in bed. They're very into wanting mummy at the min and Our house isn't massive. Lounge diner and kitchen are all open plan so not like they can watch tv or anything. When they're older I wouldn't mind them being here at all

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SantaIAmSoFuckingRock · 09/12/2012 21:49

my dcs would be the same (7 and 3). small house and ds2 hears everything, he would be down as soon as he heard the door shut. there is no way i could relax with friends over (and friends would probably get fed up too)

Iceaddict · 09/12/2012 21:59

Yes I wouldn't relax and would be thinking friends would be wishing they'd go to bed. It's only this one night really unless we have a family doo where my parents can't sit. In which case dp will have to stay home while I go so he'll be the one to miss out really

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iamapushymum · 09/12/2012 22:35

Why would you think she would agree to babysit purely for the enjoyment of someone who has cut contact with her?

SantaIAmSoFuckingRock · 09/12/2012 22:45

er, and her son iam

Iceaddict · 09/12/2012 22:54

It's for us both. I can go out without him whenever I want to. I feel she's doing it to make me see I'm wrong for not seeing her. And to make him see I'm wrong to. She's succeeding I must admit. He's definitely siding with her he can't see my point at all. Why can't I just not see her? I'd talk to her but I've tried so many times it just doesn't go in. She's blinded by the fact her son is perfect in every way and I'm out of order about everything

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manicinsomniac · 09/12/2012 23:21

YANBU, very petty. It's for her son's benefit too.

DIYapprentice · 09/12/2012 23:25

You're more generous than I would be. I wouldn't be dropping my DC off at a MIL like that. I wouldn't go to any effort at all. If your DP really wants to, he can sort something out himself (like get a car that fits his DC!!!)

If she's such a cow to you, then you really don't know what she's saying to your DC about you.

Iceaddict · 09/12/2012 23:36

I know, she is so nice to everyone nobody would think she's ever done any wrong, once when ds was little he said 'naughty mummy' when I asked who said that he said she did. I mentioned it to dp without trying to cause something of nothing and there was uproar about it. I'd clearly made it up to make her look bad. I just want to keep in the good books and out of her way but its so hard when I look like the bad guy whatever I do.

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