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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be absolutely seething with the ex about promised presents for Christmas

56 replies

SophisticatedFury · 09/12/2012 12:27

So my ex partner has been telling my 10 year old son that he'd get him a PS3 for christmas. I've clarified this with him. However, he text me Monday night to say he didn't realise PS3's were that expensive and can not afford to get one. He's told my son for months he'd get one.

I'm so pissed off. I mean it's 2 weeks before Christmas and now he drops the bombshell. DS doesn't know this yet as ex has only text to tell me. I've been wracking my brains on our figures to see if we can afford to get one as I know he's going to be so disappointed.

OP posts:
DontmindifIdo · 09/12/2012 13:02

Can you return some gifts? Also speak to your parents/extended family, ask if any are planning on giving money to DS for christmas and if so, would they mind terribly if you put it towards this. Explain what your Ex has done.

Feel for you, I would hate to suddenly have to find an extra £150 because someone else had over promised.

HELPMyPooIsStuck · 09/12/2012 13:03

Ps3 is pretty cheap now, I saw a fab bundle for £199 recently, they sell 2nd hand for around the £100 Mark but ive seen them going on Facebook for a lot less on the for sale pages.

honeytea · 09/12/2012 13:07

It was a bit stupid of your ex to tell DS what he was going to get anyway, isn't the idea of gifts that they are a surprise?

WOn't your son have lots of other things to unwrap on christmas day?

CajaDeLaMemoria · 09/12/2012 13:07

There might be good offers on in January. You could give him what you've got him, let his dad explain why he hasn't got one, and then use any money he gets to try and get him one in a deal in January?

It's difficult, I feel for you. His dad is really out of order to promise something he had clearly not thought properly about getting. Will you son see his dad on Christmas day, or will it be you that has to deal with the disappointment?

SPsFanjoIsSantasLittleHoHoHo · 09/12/2012 13:09

My bio dad used to do this to my mum all the time.

Original poster
SophisticatedFury · 09/12/2012 13:10

Jenai, he's on benefits. He's just a prat and I can't wait for the day ds sees him for what he is. He only seems to bother with him to make himself look good to his gf.

Thanks for all the replies. I'm just at a loss at what to do. I mean why leave it two weeks before? Fucker!

OP posts:
fuzzpig · 09/12/2012 13:10

Has your ex told you what he actually is going to give him?

I don't see why you should have to return the presents you've carefully chosen for him, that I'm sure he will love, just to cover up for his twit of a father. :(

nkf · 09/12/2012 13:11

He's an idiot and it's not your role to cover up for him. I can understand why you are seething though.

fuzzpig · 09/12/2012 13:12

He's just a prat and I can't wait for the day ds sees him for what he is

Maybe this is the day. Poor lad. He won't come to any harm from not having a fancy console, but broken promises - whatever their monetary value - they hurt.

In all honesty I don't think you should do anything other than keep bugging ex to man up and tell his DS he can't keep his promise.

WorraLorraTurkey · 09/12/2012 13:14

What an utter twat.

Does he know anyone with a catalogue?

SPsFanjoIsSantasLittleHoHoHo · 09/12/2012 13:15

I'd give him the options to find one or he tells your son why he can't have one.

My bio dad one year told me he was going to get me a karaoke machine. I was 8 and it was all I wanted. About a week before my birthday he got intouch with mum and said I can't get her one. Mum felt bad and got me a small one although she skint herself and my stepdad to do it. She let him know what she had done.

I had a McDonald's birthday party a week later. In strollsled bio dad with a huge Karaoke machine!

He did it to get at my mum and stepdad and wanted to seem like the best parent. He was a tit and still is

Original poster
SophisticatedFury · 09/12/2012 13:16

He hasn't said what he's giving instead. I think I may have to just explain to ds and possibly contribute towards it in the new year as he generally gets money off family.

OP posts:
JambalayaWarmMincePie · 09/12/2012 13:19

Ex-DH has done this to my daughter every year since she was two. Every year he promises massive presents, expensive trips, and never delivers. I told him time and again eventually she would give up on him.

This year, before her birthday, he took her to a toy shop and told her to point out what she wanted for her birthday - then got her none of it.
This time was the last time, she's had enough. She's decided she doesn't want to see him this Christmas. She won't see him throughout December because she's chosen to spend time with family members who keep their promises. She's eight.

Please don't cover for him, as hard as it will be.

FreudiansSlipper · 09/12/2012 13:29

yes breaking promises is not a great thing but i think you are being a bit harsh it was a mistake

i feel children need to learn at times that things are too expensive and the lesson behind this. either join together and buy it or be honest. if he had let him down becuase he just cba to buy it that is different but he wants to but simply can not afford too which is quite sad for them both

Original poster
SophisticatedFury · 09/12/2012 13:33

Yeah, but don't you think he should check the fucking price before promising? And why leave it 2 weeks before.

I'm sorry but it's not the first time he's been let down and to be honest I doubt it'll be the last.

OP posts:
PessaryPam · 09/12/2012 13:44

SophisticatedFury

Jenai, he's on benefits. He's just a prat and I can't wait for the day ds sees him for what he is. He only seems to bother with him to make himself look good to his gf.

Well if you step in and buy the PS3 you will be putting off that day won't you. So don't do it.

fuzzpig · 09/12/2012 13:45

:( jambalaya :(

So sad that a child has to learn that at such a young age.

Nancyclancy · 09/12/2012 13:48

If u can afford to buy one even if it's second hand then buy one. Then make it clear it's from you and not his dad. You can rent games from love film which is what we used to do for our wii.
I think your ds needs to know his dad didn't buy it, even after going on about it.

SellotapeInMyHairExtensions · 09/12/2012 14:00

Aww OP that's rotten Sad I know why you're trying to fill the gap by buying it for DS yourself. I've done the same for the past two years (Christmas and Birthdays) when ex has promised things and then pulled out at the last minute.

This year I asked him not to do it, explained the upset it causes the DC and the stress it causes me trying to locate things at the last minute. And trying to find the cash to pay. He promised he wouldn't and went ahead anyway Angry

So I've told DDs that they will get some of what they asked for on Santa list and some surprise things and that they shouldn't expect presents from anyone else. I just can't afford it this year.

Whilst I do agree with those who have said don't buy one yourself, I know that in these circumstances (ie if I hadn't pre-warned my DDs) then I'd be doing everything to buy one too.

SellotapeInMyHairExtensions · 09/12/2012 14:03

Also I'd like to point out its not just material things that he let's them down with, my DC are not greedy or entitled , its everything that he promises Sad

JenaiMathis · 09/12/2012 15:02

God, what a bunch of utter knobbers (some of the fathers mentioned, not posters!).

I was prepared to give him the benefit of the doubt as I think sometimes we underestimate how hard it can be to live as a non-resident parent but good grief he needs to pull his finger out, this one.

I lean towards gently suggesting that Dad the arse might not be able to manage the PS3 in time for Christmas, but we (you, your ex) will do everything feasible to get one in the new year. Poor lad.

Original poster
SophisticatedFury · 09/12/2012 16:09

Well I've broken the news to DS. I figured there wasn't a point in waiting for the arsehole to get in touch with him as he's too much of a chicken shit. I've explained that if he clubs his xmas money together he can try and get one in the new year. DP and I are also willing to contribute something towards it if his money falls slightly short.

I'm actually quite shocked at his reply. He's gutted not to be getting it for Christmas but informed me that he had a feeling 'dad couldn't keep his promise.'

OP posts:
YuleBritannia · 09/12/2012 16:14

Try Freecycle in the Wanted section. Explain the circumstances but without too many embellishments.

JenaiMathis · 09/12/2012 16:22

Oh lord. Poor kid.

Has he told all his friends he's getting a PS3? Is he worried about losing face?

Original poster
SophisticatedFury · 09/12/2012 16:34

He's told everyone he's having a PS3. I'll look over at freecycle thanks YuleBritannia. It's unfair that he's going to have to spend his own xmas money for something meant as a christmas present. I think I'll have a look at ebay too. I'll scout a bit in hope of finding a reasonable deal on one off dp and I.

The fuckwit hasn't even said what he's getting him instead...

OP posts: