To hate my BIL?

[Jayne266]

Am not sure this is in the right thread, but me and my BIL never really got on just too different I guess but we never had a problem with family gatherings. But at our wedding the BIL told MY DAD that he thinks my DH can do better. Ever since then I have wanted nothing to do with him. But now we have our DS he demands to see his nephew (through my DH secretly) I know my DS needs to see all of his family but everytime it comes up that my DH wants to take DS to visit BIL I get so upset and angry and we argue. The sensible part of me needs to find a way to deal with this any advice?

I dont blame you at all for feeling this, but maybe try to see it as beneficial to your ds if he has a nice relationship with your BIL?

hard one, I know

He doesn't 'need' to see his uncle. If the man is as toxic as he sounds then your dh ought to support you in keeping your son away from him.

Personally I would try and clear the air especially if the last time you had anything to do with him was your wedding.

I do also think that you are doing a bit of a disservice to your son by not giving at least another chance.

If you really don't want anything to do with him. Can dh take your son?

If bil was to say anything nasty about you to ds, what would your husband do?

What's you husbands thoughts on this?

Has dh taken your son to see bil secretly or has he just told you that? How did you find out what he said to your dad? I think we need a fuller picture.

My DH had a word with him after the wedding incident but only after I felt he never supported me. My BIL is socially awkward and spends all his time drinking (he even said he got my DS a bottle of scotch and he doesn't understand why this isn't appropriate). I don't go with my DH to see him but I do make a effort for us all to see my MIL often. He doesn't have a good relationship with my DS and asks more about my dogs than my DS.

Tallwivglasses- my dad got moody through the middle of the wedding and he told me he had a upset tummy. Then when we got back off my honeymoon he told me the truth.

Your BiL is a twonk,

Send him a letter,

Clearly you would like to return to normal family relations, as you wish to spend time with my son, unfortunately when you hurt my feelings at our wedding, I then felt unable to facilitate a relationship with you, If you wish to rectify the situation, I would be willing to hear what you have to say.

If he can find a way to apologise to you in a genuine way, then you will be able to start a fresh.

I don't think your dad should have told you what was said. A relative of mine once said something horrible to my mum and I about his own child, but we have never told them. It would just cause upset. So I think your dad should have told BIL he was out of order, but never said anything to you.

You don't have to like your in-laws. There's no rules that say you have to be great friends. But, for family relations I would be civil. Go with your DH to his house with your son, but make it clear you're only going to stay for half an hour. Be courteous, be polite, be the bigger person and you may find that you start finding him a little more bearable.