to be upset to see £1000 has gone out of our joint bank statement to DH's brother?

[wolvesarerunning]

Just discoverd this when statement arived yesterday.DHwokss abroad and earns a lot more than me. He is likely to say he is entitled to help his DB ouBIL hashistory of this but this just upsets me deeply.

Well that is my view I suppose Sock. Though DH and I would discuss large purchases. If OPs DH earns 100k plus per year and there is 10 grand in the current account it is different to him spending the kids xmas money. Like I said - context is everything here.

oh heck. joint account money is joint money. heshould have asked.

"If I earn the money and all my bills had been paid and everybody in my house had what they needed then I wouldn't feel I had to ask anybody's permission"

Nice.

And presumably since you earn the money, and it is really yours, you're the one who gets to decide what everyone "needs", right?

This is the attitude that makes financial abuse so prevalent.

OP has still given NO context here. It DOES make a difference what one partner would call incidental or not. Eg. I spent £25 without discussing it with dh, and would not expect him to spend £1000 without discussing it. Such are our finances. Ops finances might be the same, or totally different.

Nope they tell me what they need if i haven't already noticed the need I then buy it or give them money. And when I had a partner I used to pay all the bills do all the shopping and pay him £800 PCM to do as he wished with and absolutely no needs as I took care of those.

This was in exchange for absolutely nothing as I did all the child related stuff paid all child care all the housework, and what I didn't have time to do I paid for someone else to. He was just a lazy Xbox playing bum cock lodger who leached off me as well as everybody else he hooked up with.

So fuck off with your accusations of financial abuse

We could easily afford £1000 to give to one of our brothers. (We have 3 between us.)

If one of dh's brothers needed the money for something reasonable I would almost certainly agree.

If dh just transferred the cash without asking me I would be really annoyed and doubt our relationship.

I earn slightly more than dh but I don't think that that makes any difference. I used to earn a lot more than him but didn't think I had more money rights then. During my maternity leave year he earnt lots more than me but again he had now additional rights to our money.

That is a large amount of money and it warrants a discuss BEFORE not after giving that sort of money away. Period.

I would very VERY cross. x

For all we know the OP has squill ions in the bank and a grand is chump change.

It's exactly the same as the fiver I lent SIL - of course I didn't bother telling dh - and we have joint everything.

Context is ALL.