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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to find dh disgusting

49 replies

Pinkforever · 09/12/2012 02:00

dh went into town to meet a friend for drinks at 6pm.just rolled in and is steaming.our ds woke up and callee because dh couldnt walk from taxi.when i asked dh why he was in such a state and where had he been he. told me repeatedly to fuck off.again our ds heard this.he has just been sick.i think in our bedroom and i will have to clean it up.aibu to be disgusted with himr?

OP posts:

dreamingbohemian · 09/12/2012 10:16

Of course it's not easy to leave -- but do you want to? Would you leave if you could?

If so, start making a plan, doing research, getting advice on here. At least get it set in your head that this is what you are going to do, even if it takes a while.

I'm not going to fault you for telling him to fuck off when he came in -- I mean, seriously, how many people would just be all calmly, 'off to bed then, dear'?

Far more damaging is staying with someone who's abusive (if what Abigail said is right).

GoldQuintessenceAndMyhrr · 09/12/2012 10:18

Why not take the kids out for the day and let him deal with this when he gets up?

Can you go to your mum for a day or two?

bradyismyfavouritewiseman · 09/12/2012 10:19

have a problem with the sanctimonious tone of some posters.....

You were the one that said you told him to fuck off. It gives the impression of a different situation.

When I read that I imagined you both going at it awarding at each other in front of your child.

AbigailAdams · 09/12/2012 10:22

Pink, you need to leave him, you know you do. If you post on relationships a wonderful poster called olgaga will give you all the information you need to get out of this situation (or you can do a search for her posts).

And I'll say it again, he will not get better but he is likely to get worse. As you found last night you cannot protect your kids all the time from his actions.

JenaiMathis · 09/12/2012 10:23

What Quint said.

Chandon · 09/12/2012 10:23

Poor you!

It makes my blod boil to think of you cleaning up after him, FFS, why, why WHY? Are you his domestic?!

Take kids out all day. Local leisure centre for a swim, or just the park, bring some snacks.

Then start working towards a getting away fund. If he has the cash to get so pissed, you should be able to squirrel away money for yourself. Start bit by bit, even a pound helps. In a few Or more months you will have some cash to run away! if things are better, just keep adding to the stash in case it all goes tits up again. Really, you cannot keep your self in such a financially vulnerable position!

OrangePanda · 09/12/2012 10:40

I agree with GoldQuint in the beginning of her post. Your husband makes only one problem. But you go out a lot and does he care over your kids when you are out? So you have some inconveniance now but he has many smaller amounts over a year

bellarose2011 · 09/12/2012 10:51

You did nothing wrong pink, honestly people how can you have a go at her? have you all behaved perfectly since the second you gave birth? Get real. Your children are not going to suffer or be damaged by hearing you say fuck off.
As for leaving, you can if you want. I did it with a newborn and 15 month old. It was hard but i did, i didnt have much money either. My ex was also a drunken abusive bully.
And i glad i did every single day since, you will be so much happier without him. You will get stronger if you havn't got him draining all you energy and confidence.
Have you got any family you could stay with for a few days? I used to go and stay at my mums a lot and it helped.

AlienRefucksLooksLikeSnow · 09/12/2012 11:02

No matter who's waking up covered in sick this time, or who's telling who to fuck off, it sounds like a toxic situation for your kids, you shouldn't have to clean up after him, take the kids out for the day, and have a serious think/talk about how to change your family life, once and for all.

JenaiMathis · 09/12/2012 11:12

I wouldn't be remotely surprised if the OP want exactly stone cold sober either, judging by her reaction.

People go out, get pissed, throw up. It's not the end of the world. But the dynamic here doesn't sound healthy for anyone in that household.

GhostShip · 09/12/2012 11:57

You both sound as bad as each other. Ridiculous to do all that in front of a kid.

OrangePanda · 09/12/2012 11:57

Abigail I think you are too easy to tell this lady to leave the husband

JenaiMathis · 09/12/2012 12:08

fwiw it's not disastrous to see your parents make drunken dicks of themselves occasionally. At least it never seemed to harm me, or my friends our my cousins. People were continually pissed in the 1970s iirc (actual stats won't bear that out, I realise!).

But the blame, the resentment, the fuck offs - that's not good.

fatlazymummy · 09/12/2012 12:50

orangepanda really? It's not the only incident.
As far as I am concerned, I couldn't live with someone who gets drunk enough to throw up in the bedroom, and I wouldn't want that person to co-parent my children. It's simply unacceptable, IMO.

fatlazymummy · 09/12/2012 12:52

oops, don't know what happened there to my spacing [embarrassed]

OrangePanda · 09/12/2012 13:00

It is an incident and that is all. No reason to tell her to leave him

bradyismyfavouritewiseman · 09/12/2012 13:02

fatlazymummy what ever? Even once?

fatlazymummy · 09/12/2012 13:05

He would only get one chance. My teenage son threw up [through being drunk] on the landing once. I got him a bucket of water and made him clean it up. He didn't do it again.
By all means act like a drunken tosser, but not in my house. Don't inflict your anti social behaviour on me and my kids.

bradyismyfavouritewiseman · 09/12/2012 13:14

The op has also done it.

Should her dh got rid then?

bradyismyfavouritewiseman · 09/12/2012 13:16

Tbh I don't think it matters really.

The OP is unhappy and his whether he is drunk or sober. Or she is drunk or sober.

It is not a healthy marriage.

op you may not felt you can leave right now. But you can start planning.

babyphat · 09/12/2012 13:21

Without knowing any backstory, YANBU to find him disgusting. YABVU and a bloody doormat to clean up after him

fatlazymummy · 09/12/2012 13:29

bradywell, obviously, if he was me.
It's not really a case of 'tit-for-tat'. I don't drink myself [I used to, though not to that extent]and I don't want to be around drunkards or to have them in my home around my children. It's as simple as that.

bradyismyfavouritewiseman · 09/12/2012 13:44

Me neither.

But you are saying that once is enough. I am simply pointing out that both the op and the dh have done it.

VisualiseAHorse · 09/12/2012 13:46

What do you need to clean it up? It's his mess.

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