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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that if you work with vulnerable people then this isn't the sort of thing you should say?

28 replies

MurderOfGoths · 09/12/2012 01:56

I've been doing badly recently. Really badly. So badly that I've been put under the care of the local mental health crisis team. Mostly as I almost went as far as taking an overdose.

They obviously know this.

Now because I'm struggling it is a massive effort to do even the most basic tasks. It feels like I have a very small, finite amount of energy, and I have to ration it throughout the day. Unsurprisingly with an 8 month old, almost all of it is going on him. As such, personal grooming, eating and tidying have fallen off my scale.

I spoke to my HV about it, and she recommended Homestart. I said I'd think about it. I then mentioned this to the counsellor I was seeing from the crisis team. I didn't expect the response I got.

"Be careful about allowing too many professionals into your house, the more who see the house, the more chance there is your son will be removed. I think you should say no."

Shock

Luckily, I knew he was talking bullshit. But can you imagine if I didn't? I'd be refusing help, and also be paranoid about my son being taken from me. As for the suicidal thoughts? Oh I'm sure they wouldn't suddenly increase Hmm

Of course, he's now denying he ever said it. Apparently I "misunderstood". Because, what would I know, I'm just a crazy lunatic. Nevermind that I suffer with depression not any kind of psychosis.

Oh and after this he turned up at our flat, looked at some boxes that were on the floor. Boxes with wrapping paper around them. And said, "and what are all these boxes?". No "Hello". No "How are you today?". When I pointed out they had wrapping paper hanging off them as they were birthday presents, his response was, "hmm". FFS.

He is convinced our home is a hazard to our son. It isn't. It may not be the tidiest place in the world. But to be fair, it is a one bed flat. Space is limited, it is going to be a bit cluttered. And I rarely feel up to even brushing my hair right now, tidying is not a priority. DS isn't even crawling yet, and he's never left unattended. Oh and the major thing, there are no massive hazards! He kept saying, "oh your son could pull things down on his head". What things? There are no things he can reach to pull down! It's not like we have stacks of precariously balanced objects around the room.

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 09/12/2012 02:01

It is an utterly stupid thing to say. Either your home is a hazard and then the more people helping you and aware the better, or it is not in which case you can have people there and there will no issue at all. Have you thought about asking for a different counsellor, he sounds like an idiot?

MrsTerryPratchett · 09/12/2012 02:03

BTW, I meant to say, you are always lovely on here. I hope you feel better soon. Congratulations on the small person.

Original poster
MurderOfGoths · 09/12/2012 02:03

Oh yes, I'm refusing to see him now. He's a twat of the highest order.

OP posts:
Original poster
MurderOfGoths · 09/12/2012 02:04

Thank you, that means a lot. MN is a really good outlet for me. Gives me a chance to focus on something different.

OP posts:
DontForgetTheSproutsLawrence · 09/12/2012 02:09

Oh my god Shock what an apalling thing to say.

He sounds dreadful. Have you reported him/do you feel up to reporting him?

DontForgetTheSproutsLawrence · 09/12/2012 02:11

And yes, you're right - he is a liability and should not be working with vulnerable people.

Original poster
MurderOfGoths · 09/12/2012 02:12

I ended up calling children's services for advice and peace of mind. They've been lovely and put me in touch with a charity. They also said they'd speak to this bloke and set him straight. Unfortunately they believe his version where I've misunderstood.

OP posts:
DontForgetTheSproutsLawrence · 09/12/2012 02:17

It is a disgraceful way to interact with a patient/client.

I'm glad you're strong enough to see his comments for the bullshit that they are. Good luck in your recovery Xmas Smile

DontForgetTheSproutsLawrence · 09/12/2012 02:21

Actually, I'm really fucking cross that he is practising in this way. How dare he say these crappy things to someone who needs support?

Grrrr.

MrsTerryPratchett · 09/12/2012 02:23

They may not believe his version just have to act that way because of internal stuff. He actually sounds a bit dangerous. I like professionals who can own up to mistakes and have the courage to stand by their words.

Moominsarescary · 09/12/2012 02:31

Totally odd and unprofessional my beat friend suffers with her mh an I few years ago was very unwell, she had some fantastic support from children's services, charities etc and not once was there any talk of taking the children even though she spent quite a lot if time as an inpatient. I hope to you receive lots of good support

Jizjones · 09/12/2012 02:45

MurderOfGoths Thank you for your post.

In expressing that you saw through the bullshit you will have helped many people to ask/accept/receive the help they might actually need when life becomes (as it can) difficult.

Homestart is a service.

Social Work is a service.

CPNs and Mental Health Professionals are a service.

There are many individuals within these services...you get the good, the bad, and the scarily deficient.

Well done on having the wisdom to actually say to him 'No, not good enough for me'.

giraffesCantFlyLikeReindeer · 09/12/2012 02:46

Hope you get some good support, from helpful people.

MammaTJ · 09/12/2012 03:25

Well done on speaking out.

Homestart are great. I hope you get one of their best volunteers.

cynnerthenaughtyreindeer · 09/12/2012 03:37

I am thinking about MOG...you are a lovely poster...I am sorry you are having such difficulties at this time..

Original poster
MurderOfGoths · 09/12/2012 12:32

Jiz Thank you. A while back we had to report a friend of the family to social services as she was struggling and her child was at risk. One of the things we got told later was a mutual friend saying, "now she can't seek help as they'll take her child away". At the time I remember thinking that was ridiculous as surely not getting help and continuing to get worse would make it more likely. Whereas getting help would make it less likely. Now I understand why they thought like that, if even the supposed professionals are spouting that drivel. :(

OP posts:
WelshMaenad · 09/12/2012 13:11

Oh Goths, petal, I'm sorry things are so bleak for you at the moment.

He is of course talking bollocks. Can you ask to see do Elbe else? I would not want HIM in my home again. Twatchops.

Love. And unmumsnetty hugs.

Birdsgottafly · 09/12/2012 13:31

Homestart is a service.

Often staffed by peole who haven't had any training except a few weeks induction. It is a good place to volunteer if you like giving you opinion and being a bit bossy.

I have met some wonderful HomeStart workers (i refer families for this service), but i have heard some terrible stories.

Some of the workers involved shouldn't be allowed around vulnerable people, or even struggling parents.

If i go into a home as a SW, i will point out hazzards that exist at the time, not in the future, especially if that person is struggling with depression.

I find this advice very worrying, he will begoing into the homes of parents with children under Child Protection/CIN plans. The advice that he is giving out, if taken onboard, could lose that parent their children.

Alisvolatpropiis · 09/12/2012 13:36

That is an utterly ridiculous way to speak to a client/patient. You've been strong in seeking help and that twat is saying things like that to you?! He shouldn't be allowed anywhere near vulnerable people with an attitude like that.

YANBU.

Jingleflobba · 09/12/2012 13:36

murder hopefully though, even if they believe you misunderstood what this tit said the seed has now been planted that maybe he isn't the right person for the role. I bet you aren't the only person he spouts bullshit to now or in the future. Not helpful for you I know and I'm so glad you've said 'no more' x

lottiegarbanzo · 09/12/2012 13:40

Please speak to the person's manager and ask if you can see a different counsellor, this one seems to have a training need.

RedHelenB · 09/12/2012 13:47

Try to have a wash & brush your hair - it will help you feel better honestly. Daft as it sounds, the more you feel you have achieved, even little things like combing your hair will give you more energy. Make sure you accept the help you are offered, your little lad needs his mum to be as well as possible.

honeytea · 09/12/2012 13:49

What a silly silly man!

And since when has a box with wrapping paper in it been dangerous to anyone, I would think a child who was crawling/walking might have some fun playing with a box and wrapping papaer, it's not like it is a chain saw.

Don't worry about the cleaning, the thing with cleaning is it just gets messy again so it is a waste of time in my opinion.

Original poster
MurderOfGoths · 09/12/2012 14:44

You nest of vipers Grin

Thank you all. Your support means so much to me, more than you can ever know.

RedHelen Thanks to your post I went and washed and brushed my hair, and you are right, it makes a huge difference.
Me and DH are going to tackle the flat now, luckily DS has fallen asleep for a bit. SO hopefully we can get a fair bit done before he wakes again.

honey We've discovered that DS adores ripping up wrapping paper. I've now decided to leave a little bit of paper loose on his presents so he can have fun tearing it off Grin He may not be old enough to understand Xmas, but he should enjoy that.

OP posts:
iusedtobefun2 · 09/12/2012 15:02

Good for you for standing up for yourself and refusing to listen to this man.

FYI - I'm a volunteer for Homestart. Promise I'm not bossy and I'm probably the least judgemental person you can meet! I feel really privilaged that I'm invited into peoples lives when they are struggling a little bit. Really I don't do much. Mostly I just listen, drink tea, have a giggle about TV programmes like "I'm a Celebrity" and I NEVER EVER give out advice. Afer all, what do I know!

Guess like every service where human beings are involved you will have good ones, bad ones and indifferent ones. And we all make mistakes, say the wrong things sometimes and have bad days.