Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU about work night out and hangovers

26 replies

snowycat · 08/12/2012 22:32

its my first post on here and dont know all the acronyms yet so please bear with me...sorry its long...
My dh had the work xmas do last night starting at 5pm and got home somewhere around 2am really drunk. luckily slept in the spare room as I'm 30 weeks pregnant with no 3 and feeling really tired at the moment as im not sleeping well. anyhow i get up early with the kids ( 6am) and wake dh at 10.30am with a cup of tea as he said yesterday we had lots to do today and he should get up at a reasonable time and not lie in all day. I can tell hes in a bad way when i wake him-he looks awful and stinks of alcohol but he denies it and takes a few paracetamol and we carry on with our saturday. He left the car near his work last night and when we retrieve it theres a parking fine on it-£40. im irritated but dont say anything.
All day he looks pale and shakey and looks really miserable and tired but when i ask him how he is in a slightly teasing way, I admit, hes adamant hes fine.
we get home about 3pm and im starting to feel tired but its a kids party on at 4pm that the kids are really excited about.I decorate the xmas tree with the kids while he sits on the sofa. When I mention the party to Dh he says hes too tired to go and he wants to have a rest/bath while I take them. So i agree. When we get back around 5.30pm he still looks awful but casually mentions hes off to the pub a bit later. Im stunned and later when the kids are in bed I say calmly that Im surprised hes out tonight as he obviously feels terrible and I tell him I feel exhausted and he could have acknowledged/ thanked/ noticed that ive tried to let him have a bit of rest today despite feeling tired myself and having the usual minor but annoying pregnancy niggles of backache, heartburn,aching feet, etc
He gets really angry at this point and says he cant ever admit to being hungover as i tease him about it, and that im moaning about nothing and if he wants to go out again thats up to him and i dont have to be consulted on what he does. I get upset and tearful at this point and he goes to the pub.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Doilooklikeatourist · 08/12/2012 22:35

No

MousyMouse · 08/12/2012 22:36

yanbu
get him to get up with the dc tomorrow morning and make yourself a nice quiet day in bed

LikeAVirginMary · 08/12/2012 22:37

Your DH is being a prick. In a very big way.

Sorry I can't offer you any advice, but you are most definitely not being unreasonable.

YouOldTinsellySlag · 08/12/2012 22:37

YANBU. Letting his pregnant wife look after the kids all day whilst he lolls around is bad enough but going out AGAIN in the evening without giving you a break is taking the piss.

Getting annoyed with YOU when you question this would be a serious piss take in my book and I'd be making him take a long hard look at himself. If he wants to live like a childless bachelor, then he bloody well can, but it wouldn't be in my house!

I'd be fuming.

Doilooklikeatourist · 08/12/2012 22:37

Oops .
No . He BU and a bit of an idiot
He goes out , comes back with a bit too much to drink , feels like crap all day , then goes out to do it all again .
Why ?

WillYuleDoTheFandango · 08/12/2012 22:39

YANBU when's your rest and lie in and nice relaxing bags happening? Presumably not tomorrow when he's hungover again?

Shinyshoes1 · 08/12/2012 22:39

He's acting like a single bloke with no responsibilities . I have no advice but I will say he's a complete areshole !

Leafmould · 08/12/2012 22:44

Yanbu. I would say that if someone has a hangover, let them sleep it off. My partner does this for me, and I do it for him. Luckily for him I don't drink much!

I can see this is tough while you are pregnant though.

And totally unreasonable to bugger off to the pub. He should have had an early night.

LauriesFairyonthetreeeatsCake · 08/12/2012 22:49

Actually he does have to consult you - or at least it has to be agreed between you who has to stay in with the children.

He sounds a right tosser, he's not always like that is he? Or you wouldn't be having more children with him would you.

AgentZigzag · 08/12/2012 22:50

YANBU, but then he isn't particularly.

You say he looked like shit all day but said he was alright, surely it's up to him how he says he is, especially when he's not up for the ribbing (which I would probably give my DH too).

I'm surprised you've not noticed he doesn't like being teased about it before now.

You've done more than enough today and he should be helping you out, but is he going down the pub because he's had enough of his hangover being brought up? Or is going down the pub his default setting for when he wants to get out of situations?

He doesn't have to ask permission to go out, but he should be mature enough to come to an agreement with you about who's going to run the house tonight. I'm sure he thought you'd say no way so he just told you what was happening, which is frustrating/fuck off annoying if nothing else.

Kalisi · 08/12/2012 22:52

Oh God YADNBU! I'm afraid you have touched a nerve with me OP because DH is just like this! Thankfully it's fairly rare but on the occasions that he does go out it fucking ruins the whole of the next day. I get so Angry
Can't give much advice I'm afraid as I'm the stupid mug that runs around silently fuming the next day doing everything as he is too fragile to move. Grrrrrr!

YouOldTinsellySlag · 08/12/2012 22:54

You've done more than enough today and he should be helping you out, but is he going down the pub because he's had enough of his hangover being brought up? Or is going down the pub his default setting for when he wants to get out of situations?

Who cares what his reasons are? He has had the day to recover whilst his pregnant wife picks up the slack. That's fine now and then, as long as she gets a break too. But no, he's off to do it again! He is being really selfish and should be working as a tag team to ensure they both get a break at weekends.

It really bugs me when men take wives for granted and just assume everything will get done if they feel like a break.

WorraLorraTurkey · 08/12/2012 22:56

He should have stayed in bed all day, I would have done.

So YANBU since he decided to be a martyr.

apostrophethesnowman · 08/12/2012 22:59

YANBU

He is being a complete idiot.

You pandered to his sensitivities all day and are rewarded in this way.

Why the hell do you (or does anyone) put up with this type of behaviour?

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 08/12/2012 23:02

I presume you're getting the lie in, tea in bed & several hours to yourself in the afternoo tomorrow? No? Then he's a twat.

InExitCelsisDeo · 08/12/2012 23:02

No

DialsMavis · 08/12/2012 23:03

DP had a work party last night, he came home at 4.45am apparently Shock, that's fine, I left him to sleep until he woke up at 12pm (would have woken him if he had stuff to do). He then ate a shit load of carbs and got stuck in with DC stuff until he went to work. If he hadn't had been working tonight, there is no way in the works he would just bugger off out again without first checking if I wanted to go anywhere or do anything. I think if I was pregnant he would stay in with me for sure. So, YANBU

AgentZigzag · 08/12/2012 23:12

I agree with you YouOld, I was just wondering about his reasons for getting the fuck out of the house. If it's his normal response then it wouldn't be on, but if it's unusual for him that might be an indication of just how much the OP has been on his back about his hangover.

However lighthearted she thought she was, sometimes it's just fucking irritating someone who keeps going on about something that winds you up. However reasonable you are the rest of the time.

YouOldTinsellySlag · 09/12/2012 12:55

Whatever his reasons for going back down the pub, there isn't a good one.

His pregnant wife has had to cope with two young kids on her own and instead of giving her a break, he goes and does it again. When does she get a rest?

Jingleflobba · 09/12/2012 14:51

Being teased for a hangover is par for the course as far as I'm concerned and he needs to grow up about it and stop using it as an excuse to get out of doing anything to help you. He's acting like a big kid. YANBU

expatinscotland · 09/12/2012 15:02

YANBU.

YouOldTinsellySlag · 09/12/2012 19:01

Well put Jingle

StoneRose83 · 09/12/2012 19:28

No you're not being unreasonable AT ALL. When DH goes out he lies on the sofa the next day absolutely useless while I do everthing and it drives me insane!!! If I happen to go out (which happens once in a blue moon!) and I was to lie on the sofa eating crisps he wouldn't let me hear the end of it, so I go out but make sure I'm back at a reasonable time so I'm up the next day. And going out two nights on the trot is a p*ss take!

SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 09/12/2012 20:58

yanbu.

And, yes, he does have to consult you if he's going out when he's married with 2 dc and expecting another. Who does he think you are - the unpaid babysitter?? Why don't you try disappearing out for the day next saturday, leaving him in sole charge of the dc and say to him 'I don't need to consult you about going out.' See how he reacts to that.

And yes, he does invite teasing about a hangover if he sits around looking shaky and ill all day after a night out.

Original poster
snowycat · 11/12/2012 10:09

Thanks for all the support on this issue. its helped me to stay firm on his unacceptable behaviour and he has now apologised. I think i am not very good at putting myself first sometimes or making him put me first and im calm and amenable too often. I've realised from the replies that he has been acting badly and i should be more assertive with him, although its hard to do that.
He got up early with the kids on sunday and did a big tidy in the kitchen so I think he was trying to redeem himself. He then did more housework unprompted and even hoovered ( completely unheard of!) I said he'd done a good job but didnt thank him as him considering housework 'my job' as Im a SAHM is another issue at times.
My DH 'running away' usually to the pub is a common habit of his if I confront him on anything or try to discuss something. Even if I'm really calm about the way I raise it he still cant cope with it and the problem is this just makes things worse as the issue isnt resolved and I feel more irritated by him avoiding any discussion. I find this kind of behaviour quite immature but I think its quite common with men...anyone else have this problem with their dh? and what do you do ? as i see it theres always a need to discuss things in a relationship and two people do not always agree on everything.

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread