To let her think his present is hers

[stella1w]

I have a nearly 5yo dd and nearly 18 mo ds. This christmad he is getting a play kitchen cos he loves it and she is getting a wooden prate ship which she gravitates to at a friend,s house. The first is bigger than the second which i am sure she will register. I wd give her a few smaller gifts as well so she has MORE as well as evening out the money. And i hope both of them will play with both items.
Should i let her think the kitchen is for her, as he won,t care? Or give them both presents jointly, though he has had a lot less than pfb since he arrived or just let her get over it? It,s been a tough displacement for her cos i was v ill after the birth for a long while so couldn,t give her extra attention.

It depends whether she will mind him playing with it tbh

Why not get DS another small present instead and do the kitchen as a joint present?
I'd say do both as joint but the pirate ship is probably less suitable for DS.
I wouldn't worry about being 'fair' with money at this age.

I would imagine that she is old enough to understand that bigger doesn't necessarily mean better. But if you are worried, make them both joint presents.

The kitchen is his, the ship is hers and that is fine. Or you give both presents as joing. Never too young to learn about sharing. Don't buy more to make it equal. Neither child will know if you have spent 50p 0r £50. Being ill must have been difficult but that was 18 months ago and shouldn't even be relevant now.

The only thing I do is make sure there is the same amount of gifts from FC in their stocking. I certainly don't worry about spending exactly the same on each child.

I would let Santa bring them the kitchen as a joint present - then share out what else you already have between them. You can even wrap the bits that come with the kitchen up separately.

I would not make it look like she got more than DS - no matter how tough life was for her when he was born. You can't change that and you can't make her get more/better 'stuff' than DS all the time.

I think notwoo has it with the joint present idea.

I'll be doing some joint presents for my dds (almost 5 & a very forward 2yr old). They do tend to share toys anyway.

We are not worrying about spending the same amount of money on each child either as we also have an 11yr old who wants an iPhone. If we spent £200+ on each we'd need a bigger house and a lottery win!

Agree, kitchen his and ship hers but tell them they can share. She may notice size and number of presents but wouldn't expect her to be comparing costs.

My DC are similar ages, and I know if DD thought the kitchen was hers she'd be screaming and pushing DS away every time he came near. So I would make it VERY CLEAR it was his.
Unless your DD is a lot more generous and charming than mine...!

Do young children really add up/compare who got what and how much bigger/smaller presents are?

Surely they're just happy with well chosen gifts that they're excited to receive?

I always made sure both dd's had the same number of presents regardless of the money, they are now both grown up and I still do this. I have spoken to them about it and they are both in agreement that how much had been spent was irrelevant but the number of gifts should be the same. My eldest says as a child she likened it to sharing sweets they both got the same because that is fair so obviously Santa would make sure they had the same because that is fair.

I wouldn't make her think she's got two presents and he's got no big ones. Because when it comes to the point you give them both the same she will feel hard done by.

I know someone who still gives the older one bigger presents in case he's upset, and they're in their teens now.

Aww - I don't think it's really very fair to buy something as 'big' as a toy kitchen for an 18 month old and tell the 5 year old that it's for her baby brother and just give her a little pirate ship - cost is not important to 5 year olds - size is. 5 year olds are still quite young in terms of getting presents - it is still about Big Boxes and Exciting Looking Things. I think sharing both is the best option - even if that means DD looking after the pirate ship in her room for a little while until DS is big enough to play with it.

I would have the kitchen as a joint present. I would then get something the same size as the pirate ship for DS.

Thanks.. All good ideas.. A fiend gave us two wrapped presents and she has clocked that ds,s is bigger! I have aassembled and wrapped the kitchen and even we grownups were affected by the wow factor. My postnatal issues went on for more than a year and had a huge impact on her. As i genuinely expect them to play with both, this time will be joint for both.

Oh good, that's what I was going to suggest as well. Just saves pain afterwards as well, as they can both play with both things (which no doubt they'll want to anyway).

Glad you have it sorted :)