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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell off other children at soft play?

45 replies

ohchristmastree · 08/12/2012 12:52

Took ds (17mo) to soft play this morning and one boy who was about 4 was pushing him out of the way quite forcefully and taking things off him. Poor ds looked quite shocked. The little boys parents were doing nothing. This happened maybe 5 or 6 times. He was doing it to other children too. I did tell him not to push as it wasn't nice but I'm not sure if I should have.

Can someone please tell me the etiquette on this? Do I take ds away or tell the boy it isn't nice to do that? It's only our second time at soft play, I try and avoid it usually but the weather was shocking this morning and I needed to keep ds away from the christmas tree out of the house.

Or am I being pfb and just let them get on with it?

OP posts:
Icelollycraving · 08/12/2012 12:53

No,I would have done the same.

Thumbwitch · 08/12/2012 12:56

YANBU and I would have done the same too, and do - both at soft play and playgroup, although at least at playgroup I know all the other parents - we all do it, it's a case of whoever sees it, deals with it (up to a point of course!).

NannyEggn0gg · 08/12/2012 12:57

If another child is hurting or upsetting your child (and defintely when they're older as well) and the parents are doing nothing, then yes, I would say something.

NoSoggyBottoms · 08/12/2012 12:59

YANBU

I stopped taking my DS to a soft play area because of the behaviour of some children and their parents doing nothing about it (apart from knocking back pints and using their mobiles).

It's hard to know when to "step in" yourself, but I think you did the right thing.

DeckthehallswithbowelsofMIL · 08/12/2012 13:05

YANBU - I would have done the same! I'm often tempted to tell parents off too when their children are being nasty to others and they either ignore or are totally oblivious to what they are doing!

NagooHoHoHo · 08/12/2012 13:06

YANBU I do it too.

I tell them if they don't stop it I will tell their mum. Then I'm not technically telling them off.

MammaTJ · 08/12/2012 13:07

It would not have taken 5 or 6 times for me to have done the same. Once with parents ignoring would have been enough for me.

bumblebeader · 08/12/2012 13:10

YANBU. I used to tell the naughty ones Father Christmas wouldn't be coming to their house if they didn't behave.

splashymcsplash · 08/12/2012 13:11

Yanbu I have done the same.

I don't really want to tell others people's children off, but when the parents are nowhere to be seen and the child is hitting it needs to be done

BackforGood · 08/12/2012 13:22

First of all I wouldn't have gone to softplay, but that aside I've always tended to go with the "Excuse me, what do you think you are doing?" if ever concerned about the aggressiveness of other child's parent.... it's simply asking them a question, if the parents turn ugly Wink but hopefully means the child has clocked that you are not going to tolerate whatever they are doing. Oh, and not leaving it until the 5th time.

Original poster
ohchristmastree · 08/12/2012 13:36

I didn't leave it until the 5th time, he kept on doing it and not listening. I wasn't the only one who told him to stop it.

I'll use the telling your mum thing next time I go.

OP posts:
uptheamp · 08/12/2012 13:42

telling the naughty ones father christmas won't come to their house is dead miserable, blimey was a cheerful person you must be

i wouldn't take a child that young to soft play in the first place really, can they get much out of it? imo it's a place where children should be able to run about and let off steam without meddling adults telling them off

Original poster
ohchristmastree · 08/12/2012 13:45

There's a fab bit for under 5s. I don't follow him about but I always keep an eye on him, he's never out of my sight. There are lots of children there his age or younger.

OP posts:
Original poster
ohchristmastree · 08/12/2012 13:46

And letting of steam shouldn't be at the expense of a nothing child.

OP posts:
Original poster
ohchristmastree · 08/12/2012 13:46

Another

OP posts:
natation · 08/12/2012 13:49

I've actually physically removed children from soft play where I've seen them hurting other children (no not mine). Yes I put myself at risk in doing so, but I equally cannot stand and watch violence in front of my eyes and not say or do anything.

HDee · 08/12/2012 13:50

My exact words would be 'Do NOT push him, he is a baby'. I've never had to tell a child more than once. If they are even tempted to do it again, they look in my direction and see that I am still watching them.

merryng · 08/12/2012 13:52

YANBU. I spent yesterday afternoon at soft play trying to keep my 2 yr old out of the reach of hideous little boy who repeatedly bit and hit children from our group of friends whilst his dad say in the corner texting etc and largely ignoring matters. I eventually decided to approach the father who semi-apologised and then did nothing about itAngry Angry ...!

WileywithSageStuffing · 08/12/2012 13:53

iwouldn't take a child that young to soft play in the first place really, can they get much out of it? imo it's a place where children should be able to run about and let off steam without meddling adults telling them off

Errr hitting other children is not letting off steam Hmm

YANBU OP - once would have been enough for me to intervene if my death stare had failed .

merryng · 08/12/2012 13:53

sat not 'say'!

Cahohohootz · 08/12/2012 13:58

YANBU
I would have said something quite passive, but a bit long and boring.....

'oh excuse me, can I please ask you a favour, but I don't know ifyou have reused but this little boy is only a baby and here ally doesn't like it if he gets knocked by big boys like you. Do you think that when you go by him you can be more careful. ......... Blah, blah, blah

This way you haven't told him off, you have just asked for his assistance.

Cahohohootz · 08/12/2012 13:59

Realised not reused. Confused Blush

fairylightsandtinsel · 08/12/2012 13:59

I think if a kid is deliberately pushing, throwing things etc at your DC then fine, a firm, don't do that is perfectly acceptable (although my friend DID get told to fuck the fuck off by someone's irate mother for doing exactly that!) If they are just running about full pelt and accidentally knock into your little one then maybe not so much, if its crowded then keep your LO in the toddler area when you are more on solid ground if an older one is causing trouble. My 2 (3 and 1) love being in the big cage but if there are 8 year olds charging about, I keep them out, as its not for them really.

catwomanlikesmeatballs · 08/12/2012 14:03

yanbu, the parents should be doing it but aren't so other adults are entitled to intervene to protect smaller children. I'd say something to the parents too, there is no excuse for standing by and allowing your child to be aggressive to other children.

HaphazardTophat · 08/12/2012 14:14

YANBU. I've done it myself at these play areas especially when it's a much older child. I put as much disgust in my voice as possible when I ask the child what s/he thinks they are doing hitting a child so much younger, I then ask them to point out their parents to me. If they don't, I tell them I'll be watching them to see when they go back to mum and or dad and if I see anymore of this behaviour I will speak to their parents straight away.