To feel very angry everytime my DH says he's tired too!

[longbay]

I've got a 3&1/2 yrs old DD and a 3 months old DD who take it in turns waking me up every 1 to 3 hrs every single night.
I am EXTREMELY tired.
However, my DH who does not have to get up with them at all/ ever and snores throughout every single disturbance keeps telling me how exhausted he is. On top of that he chooses to go to bed after midnight whereas I'm in bed before 8.30pm! Also he stays in hotels a couple of nights so getS complete uninterrupted nights sleep!

"Punch him awake in future"

yep, then when he loses his job because he can't concentrate or puts somebody else in danger you'll be stuffed for years to come.

Why don't you agree to have one night each weekend when he gets up for the DCs and you lie in as long as you want to?

And agree that you're both tired and neither minds the other complaining about it..

how would he feel about being a SAHP cat rather than just hiding in his games ,

This is a common problem. We've been there.

We got very resentful of each other until we had a long heart to heart. Getting competitive about it doesn't really help.

What helps us is my DH saying "I know you are more tired than me and I feel sorry for you every time you have to get up". Just him acknowledging that makes it a lot easier.

He also needs me to understand that although he doesn't get up every night with our 1 year old, he still gets disturbed and he finds this stressful when he has work the next day, also that having to be at work 5 days a week brings its own stresses and pressures.

He also generally gets up first with our 3.5 year old if she wakes up and can often get her back to sleep without needing me.

If we are having a totally horrendous night with our 1 year old (like last night - chicken pox) then he gets up with me and we try and deal with it together (though we often snap as we are so fed up and tired, ha ha!)

No meds atm toad - I can't get him to the GP

We've discussed the SAHD thing (which he would do) but it would mean him not looking for a job in the New Year and I really feel he needs adult company and to build a social life

"OP, don't get competitive"

Um, it's the lazy shite getting a full night's sleep every night just like he always has but competing on tiredness with a woman who hasn't had a full night's sleep in months that is "getting competitive".

In a decent relationship this doesn't happen, because you are both concerned to make sure the other person is well rested.

A spouse who lets their supposed partner do 100% of night wakings for two children is not doing their fair share.

In a tiredness competition they lose.

Unless they are unwell.

Possibly work will give him a routine which will help him out of his depression. Whereas SAHD will mean he just sits on his arse while the dishes pile up and cockroaches breed in the laundry.

Yes.......on the day he's home alone with DS, although they have had a lovely time the house looks like there was an explosion

Apparantly it's not possible to care for a 1 year old and tidy anything up at the same time

I hate it when dh does tgat

sleighbells

You've missed the point. We don't yet know what the OP's DH does, but if he (for example) is employed to do a physically dangerous job it is appropriate that he gets enough rest. If he gets his legs chewed off in the wood mulcher, the OP will have 1. no family income 2. an extra dependant.

I would sooner be a lone parent than live with some of these 'men'. The feckless articles need telling.

Apparantly it's not possible to care for a 1 year old and tidy anything up at the same time

oookaaaay then

Well I manage it............. :)

Sorry got distracted with jobs, jobs, jobs! Oh sorry I shouldn't call them jobs as it's housework & looking after my two children and that of course doesn't qualify as work!!
I'm a stay home Mum. DH works mon - fri but often has to be away a couple of nights. He then goes out fri and sun night and occasionally sat night too! Because he only goes out for a couple of hours he think it doesn't count but to be honest that time of night is exactly the time I need him when the baby doesn't settle to sleep for over an hour!
I know it's not a competition. I know I don't have a monopoly on sleep deprivation - I just wanted to know that other people felt like me.

Toadin

The point you are making is not central to this at all.

Even if it is necessary for him to get a full night's sleep before work or he might kill people (unlikely, since he stays up so late)

1 there are days he doesn't work so he could give the OP a break on the nights before those days

2 regardless of the reason, or how justified it might be (although it almost certainly is just the usual bleating about how important men's work is) he is still getting a full night's sleep every night.

The least he could do if he's going to hog all the sleep is be grateful to his exhausted wife for making that possible and recognise how tired she is.

DH's job is not physical however he does clock up quite a few miles during the week.

You do have the monopoly on sleep deprivation in your home.

Why is he out so much when you need help at home?

Which are your three nights out a week?

Why do some men do the competitive tiredness thing? Seriously I want to know. When mine were little I did all the night waking even slept downstairs with them sometimes but I would still get the "Oh I'm soo tired"!

what happens at night? Are you BFing or bottle feeding?