or is this other mum?

[Clary]

Was picking up from Scouts last night and another mum was there with her DD - it was very very cold and drizzling, so I made some comment (as the girl was in her jammies!) about ooh you are brave to come out with mum, wouldn't you rather be at home! I can't get anyone to join me at pick-up time!

SO anyway mum replies, oh well, DH is working away this week so she had to come out. I didn't know what to say tbh as the girl is in year 8 and in fact turned 13 last month.

Surely anyone would leave a 13yo at home for max half an hour (I know they live pretty locally) while you walked to Scouts and back (at 9.30 btw so pretty late to be coming out unnecessarily!). I felt like saying that actually, but then thought it's not my business what they do.

But really? Am I way off the pace here? DH was here, but if he wasn't, I would have no qualms, I mean not a single one, about leaving eg DS1 (13) and Ds2 (9) at home, in bed or not, while I picked up DD (11) at Scouts. Is this just me? Am I missing something? Or do you all do this and this other woman is a bit bonkers over-protective???

my mum used to leave my DS, DB and I at home alone at that age.

We used to beat the absolute shit out of each other, run around the house trying to get the last punch in, play dangerous games that my mum didnt like, such as sliding down the stairs on cushions and as soon as we saw the lights from the car we would fly into the living room and try to act like this was all we had been doing all along.

mum and dad would give us this face, because we would all be out of breath and bright red!

I'd leave my DS (12) at home for longer than that, he is trustworthy, makes good decisions and navigates his way around a (admittedly small) city on a regular basis, as his school and a lot of his activities are there, whilst we are not because we live out in the sticks.

I wouldn't leave DD (14) alone for a minute because she has LD and makes impulsive, dangerous decisions.... but you might not realise that if you just met her in the street with me.

What you do with your kids sounds just fine to me - so don't worry about it, it doesn't make you a shocking parent

I would have had the same instant reaction as you, then as my brain kicked into action realised there could be a reason for not leaving that 13 year old home alone - or more, her not wanting to be left home alone.

Also, there wasn't anything wrong with what you said to the girl, you were making conversation - some people have lost the art, don't let that concern you either.

It would not be a problem to leave a 14 year old at home. Maybe, for many reasons, she didn't want to be on her own.

'ooh you are brave to come out with mum, wouldn't you rather be at home! I can't get anyone to join me at pick-up time!'

I would have taken you saying this as a catsbum mouth at why she was out, in a round about way. But then I'm prickly, defensive and always on the look out for the most critical side of what people have said

I wouldn't have guessed that you were catsbumming at why a 13 YO couldn't be left at home.

It's all these nuances that make it really difficult to read peoples behaviour and what's behind what they say.

Could you all be a bit more specific please so I can stop being so paranoid confused?

I have a friend who is marvellous at this. She would say - Don't you like being left at home, some people don't do they, good for you getting out in the rain, tell you what you can pick up the scouts next time while I stay at home, and so on, and just blither a lot of nonsense so that it wasn't any kind of catsbummy elephant-in-the-room thing at all, just an "everyone is different" thing.