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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that NCT clubs are only for smug and over competitive mums

74 replies

bee169 · 07/12/2012 18:24

There are some great groups in my local area where I have met loads of lovely mum's. However, I have found the NCT mums groups are full of really bitchy, extremely competitive mums. Can anyone else relate to this experience?? or AIBU??

OP posts:

JugglingMeYorkiesAndNutRoast · 07/12/2012 19:43

My sister suggested the NCT to me when I was expecting DD1 and it's been such a support to me. I went to the NCT ante-natal classes (as well as the hospital ones) and both groups met up in each other's houes as the babies arrived which was just fab and so supportive !
Then when DD was 1 we moved to a new city where we knew no-one. I got in touch with the local NCT group through an advert I saw in the library and went along to the NCT toddler group. From there I made so many friends. The NCT group is still the core of my friendship group now the DC's are teens.
It's been wonderful for me - and the ante-natal training helped me feel confident going into the birth of my two DC's too, and also to BF with no real probs too.
I'd recommend to anyone - very friendly and supportive to me !

AlienRefucksLooksLikeSnow · 07/12/2012 19:44

AIBU to not know what NCT is?

ceeveebee · 07/12/2012 19:46

If it wasn't for my NCT group I would have had a terrible time on maternity leave, I didn't know anyone with children nearby so they were (and still are) a great support network.

Also my NCT teacher kindly introduced me to all the other parents expecting twins in my area and we set up a twin club/support group as a result which has now got over 20 families with twins 12 months and under.

Neither of the groups are smug or competitive, just supportive and heloful

lovebunny · 07/12/2012 19:47

erm, no. daughter has an nct group of friends and they're all lovely.

however, 'outsider' nct mums are chavs with horrible, badly behaved children. i know. i've seen them.

gwenniebee · 07/12/2012 19:50

Hang on a minute! You've just labelled me as bitchy and competitive in one wildly sweeping statement. Thanks.

My NCT group are lovely. There are 8 of us and they have been nothing but supportive of each other. Also, I can honestly say we have never bitched about anyone else we've met at the various groups we go to, and I'm fairly certain no-one's competing.

piprabbit · 07/12/2012 19:58

Alien - have a look at www.nct.org.uk

Pigsinblankets · 07/12/2012 20:03

Still friends with the people I met at NCT 6 years on. The group teacher and breast feeding expert were militant about natural birth, breast feeding etc but we all saw it as an opportunity to make friends with other new parents and took everything thy said with a pinch of salt. I actually found the hospital antenatal stuff much more informative.

PlateSpinningAtAllTimes · 07/12/2012 20:11

I found that NCT antenatal classes were one of the best things we've ever spent money on. The teacher was fantastic - a real breath of fresh air. Very down to earth, totally non judgy about feeding or pain relief choices: simply gave us the facts. I was the youngest and poorest there but no one seemed to bat an eyelid about that. There's probably been the odd moment of competetive parenting from one or two people (mainly dads actually) over the years, but the most likely thing we compete over is who is the laziest/most neurotic parent! We haven't all stayed in touch but I've got a couple of really close friends from the group who've been absolutely fab. So I think YABU - every group of people is going to be different.

DyeInTheEar · 07/12/2012 20:14

After EX-P left me when DS was 4 months old and my NCT group rallied round and helped me get through every tricky day - I'd have to say in my case YABU. They were brilliant, kind, generous - amazing in fact considering I'd only known them for a few months and those early days would have been much worse without their support.

Some were wealthy, some had C sections, some BF, some FF. No one gave a toss or judged.

MustStopOutingSelf · 07/12/2012 20:17

toobreathless Perhaps they were right, I bet they didn't have grey hairs at 27

Yermina · 07/12/2012 20:23

NCT demographic tends to be educated, professional 30 something women.

Successful, confident and well-educated women make some other women feel a bit inferior and itchy. Is that you OP?

Shame for you.

edwinbear · 07/12/2012 20:24

YABU. I still regularly meet up with my NCT mates 3.5 years on, (NCT Xmas party tomorrow night), 4/8 of us are on baby number 2. Some switched from bf to ff early on, I couldn't tell you exact numbers as it simply wasn't a concern for any of us, how anyone else fed their baby. They are possibly the most accommodating, inclusive, un-judgemental group of women I've ever met and I would have really, really struggled without them.

BsshBossh · 07/12/2012 20:26

Not my experience either, even though I was the only mum in our (rather hippy) group formula feeding, using disposable nappies and following Gina Ford!

JugglingMeYorkiesAndNutRoast · 07/12/2012 20:33

Hmm, I think it's as well to remember they were originally called the Natural Childbirth Trust - that leaning still lingers on strongly, but I don't think that's a bad thing - anyway it's suited me and my parenting style.
Actually I think it might have been more honest and helpful if they'd stuck with their original name

babyphat · 07/12/2012 20:39

I'm sure some are nice but I found mine v judgy - not lentil weavery though, more the opposite. They thought I was a weird hippy. Fair enough. Wasn't for me.

Rudolphstolemycarrots · 07/12/2012 20:41

I don't relate at all. My NCT group are lovely angels. Two of them are my best friends and we have known each other for 10 years now.

propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS · 07/12/2012 20:42

My NCT group are ver ver naice. It is (generally) a middle class pursuit, in my experience. If you have a baby called kobi-lee-Kai then I can see that you might not necessarily have a lot in common. That does not make the NCT mums smug though!

2cats2many · 07/12/2012 20:44

My group was full of women like me- a bit panicked, in need of support and feeling pretty isolated after the birth of their first baby. It was a real life line at times.

LunaticFringe · 07/12/2012 20:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fryingpanalley · 07/12/2012 20:57

Yawn, the perennial 'come and have a bash at the NCT thread'.

There are more than 800 members of the NCT in my local borough and at least twice that on the local contacts list for teas etc. If you have a problem with 1600 women, you've got a problem frankly. Sure you won't like everyone but lazy generalisations seriously fuck me off especially if they discourage someone from trying their first NCT coffee morning, playgroup, cafe meet up, sale, pub night, PND support group etc. to make up their own minds.

WhoKnowsWhereTheMistletoes · 07/12/2012 21:02

Mine are amongst my closest friends 9 years on, we still meet most weeks for coffee and a chat, we have shared eveything about our DCs and our lives and I cannot imagine not having them in my life. The classes themselves weren't great, but having a close knit group of friends with children the same age to share all my worries and concerns with over the years has been priceless. No smug competitiveness at all.

seeker · 07/12/2012 22:43

I am still very good friend's with 4 of the 8 women I met at NCT 17 years ago.

I'm not in touch with any of the group I went to 11 years ago because I didn't really click with any of them. It's just like any other group- you like some people, loathe others and are indifferent to the rest. I suppose people who go to NCT are likely to be mostly middle class, educated types. If that translates for you as smug and competitive.......

LilyVonSchtupp · 07/12/2012 22:59

TBH, if you are a new mum, you feel a bit vulnerable to being judgy and judged anyway. You have spent 9 months reading / being told / taught in classes what the 'right' or 'ideal' or 'normal' way to birth / parent is so anyone who does something different from you and talks about it, can come across as judgy and competitive. Just as when you talk about how you do things WRT sleep / routine / feeding / nappies / weaning - some people may infer that you consider this the correct way. And you've all had no sleep and are over-sensitive and don't know any of your antenatal group well enough as non-mothers to work out if they are being ironic, bluff, bullshitting or quietly crying on the inside.

Does that make sense? Or is it just me?

Newforestpony · 07/12/2012 22:59

We did our local NCT course simply to bring some normality to a scary pregnancy (baby was very sick). We didn't say anything for the first few weeks, except privately to the leader. It made all the difference to us to meet people who didn't judge, but were kind and supportive.
We're still in touch with them all, despite having hugely varied backgrounds, and I feel so fortunate to have met such great friends. All the others have gone on to have number 2, and 2 have just had number 3, except us. But they're all still part of our lives in varying degrees - and I'm really looking forward to our Christmas drinks next week!
Try it - you may just be surprised at how great and friendly NCT families are! ;-)

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