does anyone else get confused by conversations with people who seem to have swallowed the book how to make friends and influence people?

[WhereAngelsFearToTread]

I'm fairly much direct; I'm not a great faker. But it really throws me when people are overly 'social' (or just more socially skilled?).

I had an entire conversation recently where the other person was obviously thrown by my complaint, and unhappy at being challenged during our talk, but rounded it up by saying 'it's been a pleasure' very huskily and sincerely. I snorted. I'm wondering if I'm aspergers now.

Not really sure what you mean - was the other person being pleasant and chatting to you and you complained about...what exactly? Sorry, you'll need to explain I'm afraid.

Oh, sorry :) I meant that I had phoned them to complain, the entire conversation was a bit awkward because they seemed a bit startled and unhappy and unsure how to deal with my complaint, but it was rounded off by them being suddenly charming. I wasn't a ranter during the conversation but I was a bit surprised by how they were suddenly able to switch to being 'charming' at the end. I can't switch modes like that!

Eh?

So it upsets you when people have good social skills?

Oh noooo people, I am really fearing aspergers now. I can't be the only person unable to pick up social cues very easily?? They were a bit off with me during the conversation so I was confused at how quickly they were able to suddenly switch to being charming at the end. I had thought they were annoyed with me prior to that. I'll go off and get a diagnosis if I'm being bonkers!!

Right, so it's not that they were charming but that their politeness/niceness/behaviour seemed to switch on and off?

If they speak on the phone to people a lot at work then maybe they have a sort of autopilot for "end of conversation, correct things to say"?

They may just be very good at customer service and phone calls may be monitored. I'm sure they would be pulling a face!

I get what your saying OP, it all seems very false and insincere. Can't really articulate it but I know what your saying.

Trills, maybe; this has been a protracted thing though and we've had several conversations previously. This was the worst (as in most confusing) conversation yet though and I was surprised, I SWEAR they have swallowed that book.

Perhaps they were just being "professional" ?

OP - I think I might know the kind of people you mean! They use your name far too much, despite having just met you, make lots of eye contact and are often trying to sell you something

I sat with a mobile phone salesman once who was trying to 'mirror' my body language but totally overdid to the point where he was copying every move I made. With FAR too much eye contact! Totally spooky rather than charming.

At the company I worked for there was a lot of it as well. My boss used to thank me for sharing my feelings with him, if I was stressed or complaining about something...

Cumfy, possibly. Sorry this thread hasn't turned out quite how I expected, my complaint was regarding a harassment so I'm not comfortable going into more detail; I was hoping more people would be able to say about how they had experienced people who were a little too 'smooth' (or 'professional'!).

Thanks all anyway!

I get very disconcerted by that sort of obvious learnt or trained interaction. I try to ignore it and focus on the outcome that I want rather than being distracted by the way I am 'handled'. Sometimes it's difficult though, especially if they are very obviously moving through stages rather than just having a conversation. I do sometimes have to bite my lip when someone uses my name in every sentence.

I actually understand what you mean after your last post.

But it's a bit crappy to just decide you have Aspergers and that's just because your not social

I don't have a problem with people with good social skills. I do have a problem with people that are too familiar too quickly.

Please dont go throwing aspergers around lightly

Being confused by someone who acts in a strange way doesn't mean you have a neurological condition

presumably you have some other reasons for thinking you might have AS other than a puzzling phone conversation?

It's not confusing, it's just that people go into work mode, have a work "phone voice/phone manner", particularly in customer services. It may even be a work rule that they could get into trouble for if they don't end a conversation that way.

I use peoples names a lot so I can remember them. I have such a poor memory. I also have cards where I write down bits of info to bring into the next conversation. Eg if some one mentions that they are off on holiday I write it down so that next time I speak to them I can ask how it went. They are known by my colleagues as my stalker files. It makes people feel as if I have a bond with them before I ask them to do things for me that are more important to me than them.