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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not want DH to work...

34 replies

skiesmylimit · 07/12/2012 12:52

Ok, DH has really pissed me off, he thinks I'm being unreasonable.

He is meant to be finishing work at 2, he is on set shifts, they've asked him to stay till 6 as overtime. We have a 3 year old and a 7month old, I'm pissed off as I start a 12 hour night shift tonight at 7! Hed get in at 6.15. I'd have to leave for 6.45. I won't get any sleep.again. And he's also broke a promise to DS so he can stay at work. They have been planned to go swimming for a week, DS1 was really excited.

Now, he has also told me he's working 8-4 on sunday. I'm at work 7-7 on sunday. So now he's expecting me to sort a baby sitter out. I only take on shifts when I know he's home to have the kids. Now he's left me in a mess. Fucks sake why does he put work first all the time. The agreement was I go back to work on bank shifts so he doesn't have to do overtime.

OP posts:

DontmindifIdo · 07/12/2012 13:47

OK, you need sleep, it's not on for him to think you can go without any sleep.

Can you cancel the shift tonight? You can't do it now, you really can't. (If you have to, i'd be tempted to call him every hour to stop him having any sleep, but then I'm petty)

Then sit down with him, ask him if he wants you to work or not. I would suggest you discuss other options like, if you are working a nightshift and he won't garentee you will get at least 4 hours sleep before/after a night shift then you either have to not work or pay a childminder to have the DCs so you can get some sleep.

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 07/12/2012 14:02

I'm a bit at the posters who blithly suggest that OP gives up work so her husband can do more overtime.

Why should his work come before hers? She may enjoy her work and / or think it is important to continue to invest in her career, which her husband should surely be supportive of?

It's like her need to work is less valued than his.

CailinDana · 07/12/2012 14:09

I agree unexpected. In fact I would wager that her DH is hoping that by being as uncooperative as possible it will force her to give up work. I might be wrong but it sounds to me like he's the kind of man who expects his woman to be at home sorting everything out and who sees any attempt for his wife to have a life of her own as total inconvenience that gets in the way of the "real" work (ie his).

I'm still wondering OP - why did he wake you up after you'd had only half an hour's sleep?

Original poster

skiesmylimit · 07/12/2012 14:20

My work is quite important to me, I like independence, and I start training to be a nurse soon so its important to me, my career and my experience.

I have no idea why he woke me up after half an hour, well I do, but its pretty stupid. He wanted me to watch kids so he could go to the chip shop. because when I've not cooked his dinner he will go takeaways or eat crap eg crisps

OP posts:

Unlurked · 07/12/2012 14:28

If I were you i'd tell him that you're putting some proper childcare in place as he's so unreliable. Get a childminder sorted out.

I'm assuming that he is lovely, loyal and respectful in all other aspects of your lives and that's why you're choosing to spend your life with him.

SleighbellsRingInYourLife · 07/12/2012 14:36

Do not give up your job for a shitbag like him.

How soon can you realistically leave him?

CailinDana · 07/12/2012 14:41

See, if someone woke me up after only half an hour's sleep so he could go to the chip shop, and not because his head was falling off, I would seriously consider killing him. What was your response?

DragonMamma · 07/12/2012 14:49

He woke you up to go the chip shop??? Are you for real?? He sounds like a complete nobber. I would absolutely strangle my DH if he woke me for something so bloody pathetic.

I don't work nights as such but I do work evenings in to the early hours and earn less p/hr than what my DH can earn in overtime - he would never make it difficult for me to function at work or to get there, even though he could earn more than I do, he knows that work isn't just for money (for me anyway) and I need the social aspect of it to stop me throttling the DC's because I'm with them day in, day out.

YADNBU

absentmindeddooooodles · 07/12/2012 14:49

yanbu.....i really feel for u. my dp works 60-70 hrs a week n shifts. Its bloody hard and i only have 1 ds and not working myself. I get so stressed out at him when he says yes to even more over time. He already goes to work at 8am and comes home at gone midnight. Hes supposed to have 2 days off a week, but it never happens. This week he was in work on his day off at 6am and didnt come home until 4pm. You cant let urself go on like this. i thought i was hard done by, but bless u, u must be exhausted!
i know it can be hard to say no at work, but if ur health is gunna suffer then its so not worth it. :(

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