AIBU to have lost my temper

[Tailtwister]

My mother is always going on about how difficult and stressful my brother's life is and makes comments about his wife not feeding him properly. The thing is, both my brother and his wife work full-time in stressful jobs, both have tough commutes and yes, they both enjoy their careers. According to my mum, my SIL (who returns home at 6.30 at the earliest) should also be cooking my brother meals each night. No mention of my brother doing anything of course.

I'm not particularly close to my SIL, but I'm fed up hearing about how tough my poor old brother's life is and how my SIL doesn't do enough for him. The fact is, he's actually not lazy and does pull his weight in the household, but my mum thinks he's hard done by. I've just lost my temper with her on the phone about it and now feel guilty for shouting.

I know it's trivial in the great scheme of things, but it just really annoys me that she thinks my SIL should be a 50's housewife on top of what she already does. She's never been a working mother, so she has no idea.

If I were your sister in law I'd be very grateful for you sticking up for me like that. I'm sure your mother will get over it. You never know, it may make her think before saying unkind things about your sister in law in the future.

YANBU! But don't expect her to change...

YANBU, well done for sticking up for your SIL.

It was good of you to stick up for your SIL. Your mum's assertions about your brother not being fed properly don't appear to be based on very much.

I would apologise for the shouting, but not for the content of what I'd said.

Tell if she is that worried she could offer to do some batch cooking for them, so they have nice meals in the freezer.

What nagoo said.

I would not apologise for how i said it. Not what I said.

Well, she just called me back and called me unstable! Seriously, she's a nightmare.

They had a run in years ago, which resulted in her not seeing her Granddaughter for quite a few years and it's partially down to me that she's seeing her again. Now I have to listen to her being unfair about my SIL behind her back. Really, she has no idea. She likes to go on about how she would have 'loved to have had a little job' when my brother and I were at school. All within school hours of course, with the holidays off. She's living in la la land.

I know nagoo, I shouldn't have shouted. She just goes on and on and on...and I lost it.

Oh you're not wrong for thinking everything that you do :)

I'd just ask her to stop speaking to me about it, cut her off with 'mum, you know we don't agree about this'.

Will the shouting have done any good? Do you think she'll realise that you are not a good audience for this?

Well done you. Next time can you say 'stop talking utter rubbish mum, it's not the 1950's. SIL works full time just like DS' then change the subject. Put the phone down if she continues.

No, I don't think shouting did much good apart from make me seem unreasonable. It's very hard to explain, but she's extremely hard work (very many people have said the same) and after years of it I have s fairly short fuse when it comes to her nonsense. My sil had to be persuaded to let her back into their lives again and I when mum talks negatively about her I just feel she hasn't learnt from the experience at all. I have trouble articulating what she's like, but she stresses me out so badly I often don't answer the phone if I know it's likely to be her.

Anyway, I was going to apologise for shouting until she called me unstable (I suffered from some pnd so don't know if she was referencing that), but now she'll have to wait.

YANBU. And I sympathise. I get this from my own mother, who endlessly slags off my brother's (perfectly pleasant, hard working) girlfriend of 15 years.

'Little Prince' syndrome. Drives me nuts.

Yanbu. That kind of deeply entrenched old-fashioned sexism absolutely gives me the rage. I used to fly off the handle with my late father when he made his ridiculous comments. It is so very deeply insulting to ALL women.

I know, it's very insulting. She fails to see all the good things about my sil and really has no idea what her job involves. It's obvious she doesn't rate sil's career as the same level as my brother's when in fact I would say they are pretty much level pegging. In any case, that shouldn't matter. Working is working. If my sil was at home full time then of course she would do more of the share of cooking. In fact, she's pretty good and has served some lovely food when we have visited. Why shouldn't my brother do his share? She's doing the same hours as him.

I think the issues is that she is using blatant sexisim as an excuse to have a go.

Does she believe she brought her son up to be a useless lump?

I don't know brady. The thing is that he was single for a long time and managed to look after himself pretty well then. He's also very helpful at home and does his share from what I can see. I just think she's using whatever she can to have a bitch about SIL, which makes me annoyed. She should be pleased bridges have been built, but still has to take a dig.