to feel like I can't be arsed with all the playground nonsense but to also want to do the best for my son!

[welshinexile]

In short, my son started reception in september & he has started at a school where a lot of the other kids went to the same nursery so all the parents already knew each other. He seems to be settling fine and talks about kids he plays with but I think it has been hard for him to break into the existing groups of 'best friends'. He hasnt been invited to play at any other kids houses yet but I havent been too worried and have tried to take the view that he will make friends in his own time. He also has a couple of other close mates that he sees out of school.

Its very cliquey at the school- I smile, say hello but its all existing groups who know each other. I have a good group of friends myself who I struggle to see anyway as I also work 3.5 days a week so am only at the school 1.5 days- so making parent friends isnt a priority for me.
I feel bad though- am I not doing the best for my son? Should I be making more of an effort? He is 5 in jan & I was going to ask the teacher for 5 kids he plays with names & invite them to his party.
I just dont have time for all the playground nonsense but I want to do the best for my son! I don't want him feel left out!

Seriously, kids managed their own social lives before it became popular for parents to meddle in it.

He'll be absolutely fine...just as he would be if you worked full time and never did the school pick up/drop off.

I wouldn't involve the teacher in the choosing of the friends though...just ask your DS which 5 he wants.

I would be inclined to ask your son rather than the teacher which children he would like to invite to his party

If you feel he needs to develop friendships then start having a mate over occasionally, say on Saturdays for cinema matinee and tea if working patterns mean that weekday after-school-come-to-us-for-tea-on-Wednesday-and-we-will-drop-little-Johnny-home-at-six doesn't really work

You can just invite kids over for tea/ to play without making their parents life long friends.

He hasnt been invited to play at any other kids houses yet

Have you invited any kids to your house?

Why don't you invite 1 or 2 of his friends to yours with mums/or dads for coffee - I am friendly with several parents from nursery but if someone i didnt know invited my ds I would be more than happy to make new friends iyswim - sometimes it's just easy to chat to those you know and that might look cliquey but not be !

Thanks- I will ask him who he wants to invite to his party.

I am about to invite one boy that he keeps mentioning over for a play - I try, if I can, to keep weekends for family time as its all so busy in the week so really I only have one day a week to ask friends over.

Its true though- maybe I am feeling too much pressure to 'make friends' myself when actually I just need to see if he wants a mate round to play!

Oh don't ask the teacher - I'm sure your son knows who he'd like to invite. And as for play dates, my view is they see each other all day, they don't need to then have tea with them!

Just keep smiling and saying hello and I'm sure you'll make friends with other parents soon. Also if your school ever needs volunteers for a hour or two (and it fits with your day off) go in and help out and you'll definately meet some other parents that way. It needn't be a regular thing. My kids school often asks for help with one off things, like Xmas parties so you won't be tied down for the rest of your life. I'm serving jelly and icecream for an hour for the reception Xmas party (I may regret offering to do this :))

I think if you are happy with your existing friends and struggle for time anyway don't worry about being involved with school mums.

I'm friendly but don't go out of my way to socialise with the mums from ds class. They all have older children so have been a clique for a while.

My friends have children who go to different schools and I think its nice for my dc to have a group of friends out of school as well as classmates.

The most I tend to do on the school run is chat to the dads about football!

IME boys friendships are quite changeable - they play with anyone, so I doubt he is being left out. Also I would ask him who he wants at his party not a teacher.

If you haven't been inviting other DCs round for tea, then it is probably not surprising that the hasn't been invited.

When DD started at school I had been doing the school run for 6 years, so she knew lots of the siblings in her year and I knew the parents, which made it easy for me to invite them to tea / mums for coffees / weekend stuff as we knew the family. That wasn't being cliquey, or excluding other people intentionally, it was just that I didn't feel I needed to actively seek out new friends - similar to you.

You really mustn't spend much time worrying about other parents. Get your son to invite his best friend. Catch the mum as you are picking up and go with it.
The kids sort their own friendships out. There's one mum I really don't get on with but our kids are friends so we still arrange for them to go to each others parties etc. I always find that the parents I get on best with are always those that my dd never plays with anyway!
When they get to high school you never see these parents again anyway. The kids really do sort their own arrangements out and they make totally new friends.

YABU, my ds hasn't been invited to anyone's house either, he also started reception in September. I work full time so I never drop him off or collect him, and I wouldn't even know what the other parents look like!
He's been to one of his little friend's parties, and he talks about friends from school lots. He goes to football and swimming where he plays with his friends, so at least I can see he has them!
I am sure he will ask for/ go to friends for tea etc when he wants to, so I don't worry about it, and either should you! They're only just in school, they haven't had a chance to work out "friend etiquette" but there is plenty of time!

There is absolutely no reason to feel you need to have anything other than a generally friendly working relationship with your children's friend's parents. It's probably best to keep it on that footing anyway.

On the flip side I've seen adult friends expecting their dc to be best friends too. Doesn't always pan out that way.