to not want to take my child here.

[CreamOfTomatoSoup]

My DH's uncles, aunts and a whole branch of his family live abroad. They live in a country where the middle classes have guards around their houses, security gates on their bedrooms and live in fear of kidnappings, car jackings and armed robberies. It's also on the equator, so it's pretty warm.

These in laws are lovely people and they are so hospitable and welcoming. We went to visit them a few years ago and since DS (7mo) was born they've been going on about how they can't wait for us to bring him to see them. It's a family tradition to go for Christmas every few years and spend it all together in their holiday cottage by the coast.

AIBU to not want to take DS for SEVERAL years because:

1. The security risk. I would think that the kind of crimes they are worried about, ie kidnapping for ransom, would be easier to do if you just snatched a little one.
2. The heat, neither I nor my baby cope with the heat very well.
3. The sun. I'm VERY white and missed a spot with the suncream when I was there and it was agony. DS is mixed race but seems quite pale. The idea of having to make sure he's constantly smeared in suncream/hats/56 tshirts seems like hell.
4. The tummy upsets. I got a nasty one last time we visited, it was very uncomfortable. The nearest hospital to the holiday cottage is at least an hours drive away on bad roads and I'm not sure the quality of the hospitals is particularly great.

The family are all more than welcome to stay with us (and can afford flights), I just don't think I want to take a small child out there. I feel under pressure to do so though. Every time we speak to them they mention it. This makes me feel quite guilty. I don't want to be seen as a bitch who wants to keep DS and DH from seeing them.
AIBU? WWYD?

Well, if they can easily afford to come to see you, then they might say they want to see the baby, but you aren't stopping them from coming here so they could easily see the baby if they wanted too.

there's a lot to be said for getting your invite in first!

YANBU at. All.

YANBU - particularly if DH isn't keen to go and wasn't born there.

you can take out kidnap insurance, which will pay ransoms, my friend has it as she works in war zones, if the family is local then they will be use to taking the proper precautions,

as for stomach upset, take medicine, water purify tablets, and anti bacteria gel.

buy some decent sun proof clothing and hats, and 50 sun block.

enjoy having access to somewhere interesting.

'you can take out kidnap insurance,'

er yes, that's re-assuring

Lol at it being ok if your baby gets kidnapped because you have kidnap insurance. That's designed for expat workers, oil workers etc, people who have to go there.

And yes it's certainly somewhere 'interesting'. Check out the FCO travel advice OP if you haven't already.

IF you're certain you won't go and see the relative over there and stay with them, then perhaps it's worth you paying for them to come and see you - yes even if they can afford it - or at least pay a contribution to their trip.

you can take out kidnap insurance Fucking hell - you think the money would be the main issue with kidnapping??

Enjoy having access to somewhere interesting Yesh - it's a total pleasure to go somewhere you need security 24/7

OP YANBU - just get your DH to tell them that you will not be going, but they are welcome to visit anytime. Until you TELL them you aren't going, of course they are going to keep asking - do all of you a favour and tell them.

The security and medical arrangements won't be any better when the baby is older - and to be honnest, I'm not sure why a baby's life is any more precious than a toddlers, or your own. If you think it's OK when the child is older, then it's OK to go now.

I too think you should man up and just get on with it. Then you have it over and done with, and don't have to think about it for a few more years.

YDdraigGoch - well actually the security and medical arrangements may well be better. The country itself may be safer in a few years time - no guarentee of course - but look at Beirut. A no-go city for years and now relatively safe.