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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I don't know if I'm silly to be feeling miffed

44 replies

HappyAsEyeAm · 06/12/2012 15:19

This relates to something from last Christmas. I haven't been thinking about it all year, and stewing - honestly! I was miffed at the time, but I forgot about it, and now that I'm remembering, I'm miffed again.

DH and I got married early last year. All lovely, and a very happy time had by all. DFIL took some snaps of his own at the wedding, including one of DH and his two sisters. It is a really lovely photo, and DPIL have it as their screensaver.

As part of our Christmas present last year, DPIL gave a large framed copy of the photo to us. As I said, its a nice photo of DH and his sisters, and DH put it on the wall in the study.

Am I being silly to be miffed? It is a photo taken at our wedding, and I feel that it excludes me, as I am not in it. And it was given in a frame, not as a 'here's another photo for your album' type thing.

I am being silly, aren't I?

OP posts:

tetleymel · 06/12/2012 15:58

I'd be annoyed at a picture of my wedding given to me as a Christmas present, whomever it featured!

Teafairy · 06/12/2012 16:12

Photo's and the memories attached to them often mean different things to different people, maybe that photo is the one that for your PIL best recaptures that day for them, it might not for you but I think the idea was nice. I'm sure you have plenty of pictures of you and your DH about the place (maybe give them one for xmas!!) I think it was understandable to be a little miffed, but it is probably time to let it go! I have a similar type issue, my MIL has pictures of my DH and BIL in her living room from my DH's first wedding, she just see's them as a nice picture...i to be honest struggled with that for a while, to me they were a reminder that in her eyes I will never be the same as his first wife-(the one she loved but he didn't!! Long story) but I got over it, it isn't worth the effort of being miffed over IYSWIM.

valiumredhead · 06/12/2012 16:15

YABU. It's a pic of his kids not the whole wedding party except for you.

pictish · 06/12/2012 16:17

I think yabu. It's a nice photo of three siblings, that's all.
If you mum gave you a photo of you and your sibling in a frame, would your husband be miffed? Nah.

I do need to get over this, because as you say, you're annoyed by it for a second time.
No offence was intended - not everything is about you.

pictish · 06/12/2012 16:17

I? I meant you.

VinegarTits · 06/12/2012 16:18

i think a picture of you in your wedding dress (just you) would make a nice present for them this year

pictish · 06/12/2012 16:20

Hahahaa!

pictish · 06/12/2012 16:21

I honestly don't think there's any agenda behind it.
I once commented that a photo of a friend's dog was a good picture, and they framed it and gave it to us for Christmas that year.

Justforlaughs · 06/12/2012 16:22

Does your DH see his siblings very often. If they are together every week then I'd find it a bit odd that they couldn't have got another nice shot of them all together, but if your family are anything like mine then weddings and this Christmas are about the only opportunities for things like this. I can understand why you feel a bit miffed but try to let it go. Unless other things scream that they don't accept you as part of their family then I doubt very much that it was intended in that spirit.

VinegarTits · 06/12/2012 16:24

at the dog picture

there probably was no malice, which is why i think you should give them a nice picture of just yourself, they will either think it is sweet or the penny will drop

TinyDancingHoofer · 06/12/2012 16:38

He probably thought you had a lot of pictures of bride and groom. And just wanted to share the nice picture.

ShipwreckedAndComatose · 06/12/2012 16:42

I think you are over thinking this.

It's just a nice picky of their kids, is all.

gail734 · 06/12/2012 16:49

YANBU. My MIL has a framed photo up, taken on MY wedding day, of DH and SIL. Not a bride in sight! You would have to have a spectacular lack of self-awareness to not see that is stupid. She does. Miffed every time I see it!

pictish · 06/12/2012 16:55

gail - why on earth would your mil have a picture of you, rather than her own dd?
It was her son's wedding as far as she is concerned, not just yours.

WelshMaenad · 06/12/2012 17:28

YABU. Actually, all my favourite pics from my wedding don't have my ugly phiz ruining them! We have one of DH and his two brothers which is quite Reservoir Dogs-esque that I love, and I had a large print of it framed for our wall. One is not a princess.

ENormaSnob · 06/12/2012 17:36

Im with vinegartits.

I could appreciate a photo of dh and his brothers but I wouldnt want it as a gift.

Pandemoniaa · 06/12/2012 17:46

From what you say about other presents, OP I think the framed picture was a gift honestly given without anyone actually thinking of how it might come across.

Photographs are very emotive things. I once had a terrible row with a boyfriend who thought I hadn't taken enough photographs of him on holiday. It wasn't an intended oversight.

user12785 · 06/12/2012 20:53

gail I think I've said this before, but your MIL sounds just like mine

FeistyLass · 06/12/2012 21:54

From our wedding proofs, my MIL only ordered pics of dh on his own or with her. Her friend, who was ordering at the same time, opted for a few with the bride (me!) and groom but not MIL.

I'm glad to see I'm not the only one with a MIL like that

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