To be pissed off with a friend who said "I love talking to you your life is more shit than mine

[whataboutbob]

I have a friend at work for whom i mostly feel affection and respect. We talk about most things and usually I respect her values and life choices. We also have a laugh. However twice she has said that she draws comfort from the fact that my life is worse than hers- in a jokey way, of course. Background: we both live in London, 2 kids and partners and not particularly high paying jobs. In the last year I've also had to face up to the fact that my father has Alzheimers and take on more and more responsibility for him. He lives with my brother who has mental health illness. This has been pretty stressful and i've been helped by attending counselling. Yesterday she asked me what I was doing on my day off. Answer: my father's tax returns. Peels of laughter and the comment about being cheered up by my life being more shit than hers. I'm now feeling I don't want to overlook this. I considered sending her an email about it but think I'd rather say something face to face. I know it's human to draw comfort from downward comparisons when feeling low, but i can say with some authority it's not nice providing the downward comparison. Any advice?

Let it go my friend. Some peeps feels uncomfortable and react inappropriately
to bad situations. I used to work for a woman like this. I had a miscarriage and she did nothing but talk about babies and giving birth whenever I was there. It was unreal. My colleagues father was very ill and every single day she would say! "How's you dad?", in a booming voice in front of the whole department. Once I was preg again she would refer to me as Pregnant Person every day lol. I never said anything to her at the time and I'm glad I didn't as she was fun to work for and I quite miss her lol but I bet she hasn't changed a jot!

She sounds a little insensitive rather than mean. In fact, your life IS shitter than hers ATM, QED etc.

Sorry you are having a shit time. I guess with my friends we accept our lives a as shit/good as each others.

What about: "No WAY! Your life is WAY shitter than mine haha" as a response?

Somebody mirror copied my friend on fb and were adding all her friends to a new page so she put a note on fb telling us not to add as its not her

I just wrote "who the fuck would want to be you" was joking haha

Thanks everyone. Yes an email would be too much and yes it might look a bit heavy if i approach her first thing on Monday morning. But I think I will offer some kind of response next time she starts up about my problems making her feel better.

Actually my last entry was a bit lame. I think there is much to explore around the balance of fortune/ misfortune in friends' lives and the way people might use other's misfortune to feel better, even where friends are concerned. Not palatable but it goes on.
Everlong thank you for having the courage to share your experience. I think too when difficulties or tragedies strike, some like to think that there is a part of personal responsibility for creating the situation. Or that the person should just "loosen up". It makes them feel more protected from misfortune.