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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to involve parents of dd's friend who owes her money?

23 replies

MurielTheActor · 06/12/2012 11:51

Dd (21 but still living at home) has had falling out with close friend who irrationally decided that Dd said something out of turn
As girls do, they each had some of each others clothes which friend asked for back. But she had also borrowed £50 off dd when she was short before pay day.
Dd has returned friend's clothes but friend seems reluctant to do same. Dd needs the money.
I told her (having kept out of it up to this point) to tell friend that if she didn't get things/money back by end of week I will tell her parents (she also lives at home).
Friend replied with 'Good luck with that it won't get you anywhere they'll just laugh at you.'
To me clearly that is not the case at all. But whole thing is getting out of hand and dd is very upset.
If situation was reversed I would want to know.

OP posts:

pictish · 06/12/2012 11:52

They are 21 so there's nothing you can or should do.

HECTheHallsWithRowsAndFolly · 06/12/2012 11:54

She's 21. What do you think, realistically, the parents will do?

They are adults. They need to sort it out themselves.

Perhaps your daughter should go to the house and say "I have come to collect my clothes and the £50 you owe me"

It might be harder for her friend to dismiss her if she is on the doorstep?

whois · 06/12/2012 11:54

Maybe your DD could go round to the house, when he knows the friend won't be in and pretend to e asking for friend but then explain the situation to the parents?

Not you, that wouldn't be cool at 21.

pjmama · 06/12/2012 11:54

They're adults and it's none of your business. I'd leave them to it.

frootshoots · 06/12/2012 11:55

They are old enough to sort this out themselves without their parents getting involved. All sounds very juvenile.... "My parents will laugh at you"

Let this be a very valuable (and expensive when you can't afford it) lesson to your DD. I don't see what else you or this girls parents can do really. She is an adult.

chrismissymoomoomee · 06/12/2012 11:58

'I will tell your parents' is something I would say to an 11yo not a 21yo. What do you think telling them will acheive?

Really at 21 your DD is old enough to sort out her own issues.

LDNmummy · 06/12/2012 11:58

I would still talk to her parents. If they don't do anything about it, then you know where she gets her attitude from. They may however surprise even their own DD and deal with the matter.

impty · 06/12/2012 12:03

This happened to me when I was a penniless student. I rang my ex friends parents and explained the situation. I asked them if could 'remind' her that I needed the cash. Ex friend was ignoring my calls.

Next day the cash arrived through the post. I think dd should give them a call.

HECTheHallsWithRowsAndFolly · 06/12/2012 12:03

Is that because she still lives with them?

If she had her own home, would it be reasonable to go to her parents' home and tell them?

Is it that because she still lives with her parents, somehow 21 is still a child?

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 06/12/2012 12:05

Her parents would laugh you out the door.

Your DD is 21, old enough to fight her own battles. Personally I think it is ridiculous to get her parents involved.

TheCortanaThatStoleChristmas · 06/12/2012 12:06

I'd maybe chalk this up to experience for your daughter I'm afraid. At 21 I'd have been mortified at my parents getting involved. However the friend's attitude towards you telling her parents gives an idea of where she get's her attitude from.

Cezella · 06/12/2012 12:06

I'm 21 and still living at home (simply can't afford to move out ) and I really wouldn't appreciate my mum getting involved in this situation

pictish · 06/12/2012 12:07

That's it HECT.

If the ex friend were in her own place the OP would not propose approaching her parents.

She is 21 no matter where she lives.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 06/12/2012 12:08

Exactly!! By 21 I was living with my now DH. The thought of getting mummy to fight my battles for me would have been laughable!

bamboostalks · 06/12/2012 12:08

Well if someone turned up at my doora and it turned out my dd owed them money, I wouldn't laugh. I would be mortified and would give my dd a piece of my mind and a swift kick up the backside down to cashpoint. I would wonder what sort of thief I had raised.

custardismyhamster · 06/12/2012 12:16

My brother is 23 and we have had people turning up at my parents numerous times, who he has owed money to. My parents always pay them. I don't agree with this method as he just does it all the more.

At around 22, I had a situation with a friend very similar to OPs DD. My friend ended up ignoring my calls. If she'd told me she couldn't afford to pay me back I would've written it off. As it was, I cut her out of my life. She's recently (now 25) got back in touch, and paid me back

atacareercrossroads · 06/12/2012 12:25

Dont get involved, at 21 she is WELL old enough to sort this out on her own, and you'll just humiliate her if you do. Beak out.

threesocksfullofchocs · 06/12/2012 12:26

ds is nearly 21, I would not get involved

Icelollycraving · 06/12/2012 12:27

They are adults,leave them to it. Perhaps it's a lesson on not lending what you can't afford to lose.

bradyismyfavouritewiseman · 06/12/2012 12:30

You should do absolutely nothing.

give my dd a piece of my mind and a swift kick up the backside down to cashpoint

And what if there is no money in the account, or the adult dd refuses to go.

SledYuleCated · 06/12/2012 12:33

No no no no no. She needs to learn that that's the risk of lending money out. She needs to sort this herself.

I'm 23. I would be mortified if my mum got involved in a spat I was having with someone

quoteunquote · 06/12/2012 14:12

£50 cheap life lesson, let her sort it out,

At 21 she should be able to stand on her own two feet, if you keep rescuing her she won't ever be able to, and she will continue to form relationships (friends and partners) where she is not treated with respect.

at 21 I had children, a house,ran a business and was at Uni, I would never of been able to achieve anything if I relied on anyone to do things for me.

Shakirasma · 06/12/2012 14:29

Blimey, YABU

At 21 I was married with a baby, running my own home. I wouldn't have appreciated anybody dragging my mum into an argument, especially about money. Nor would I have gone winging to my mum if a friend owed me money. Doesn't matter if you are 21 or 51, you are an adult, you don't get your parents to fight your battles for you.

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