Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I just being a moaney bitch?

27 replies

ItsALongWayToPickAWilly · 06/12/2012 08:06

It's mine and DPs birthday coming up in a couple of weeks, there's 5 days between them.
DP has organised a party at our house that falls on my birthday with all of his friends, i found out last night as he was organising it. I HATE hosting parties, plus DS will be here as he can't get a baby sitter so that means I'll be shushing everyone all night, no loud music allowed. It just sounds like a shit party that I didn't even want.

Now DP has thrown a mood as I'm not jumping for joy at the party he's organised for himself. I'm looking for every possible little reason as to why we shouldn't have a party because to be honest I'd rather just sit in with a bottle of wine, yummy food and a good film.

Am I jus being really ungrateful and boring?

OP posts:
SquishyCinnamonSwirls · 06/12/2012 08:07

A little. Invite your friends too and just go with the flow.

whois · 06/12/2012 08:09

If he knows you hate hosting then it's a little U to organise a party. On the other hand maybe relax and go with the flow and you might enjoy it!

Original poster
ItsALongWayToPickAWilly · 06/12/2012 08:10

I don't really have any friends apart from the 1 best friend but she's working that night.

OP posts:
bradyismyfavouritewiseman · 06/12/2012 08:11

No yanbu. I hate parties. mum has a thing about throwing surprise birthday parties. But my dad, my dh, my brother, my sil all know I hate them so they manage to intervene.

Sounds like he has done it because he wanted it and not really thought about what you want.

Original poster
ItsALongWayToPickAWilly · 06/12/2012 08:15

Do you not think it'll be shit with a toddler sleeping upstairs?

OP posts:
YDdraigGoch · 06/12/2012 08:19

Bet the toddler won't ever stir! Make sure DP helps with the organisation as it was his idea, or buy everything in, and go with the flow.
You must have some friends you could invite! What about the neighbours?

Panzee · 06/12/2012 08:22

Your child will probably stay asleep, but if he doesn't I'm sure your partner would love it if they came dowand joined in. :o

purplewithred · 06/12/2012 08:26

I'd hate it. Stop looking for excuses, just tell him the truth. Sounds like it's HIS party that just happens to be on your birthday so just leave it all to him. I'd be upstairs sleeping with the toddler for most of it.

captainmummy · 06/12/2012 08:26

Why don't you go out for the night with dc? Can you go to yoiur parents or siblings?

Walkacrossthesand · 06/12/2012 08:29

OTOH why not go out and see a good film, leave them to it? Sounds like it's a lad's night in, if you're in you'll doubtless end up in a catering role anyway.

Original poster
ItsALongWayToPickAWilly · 06/12/2012 08:29

I don't think he would panzee!
Their parties are normally full of drinking games, loud music, smoking weed etc.

I'll have to stay sober while everyone else has fun.
Gah, I just can't shake my mood over it!

OP posts:
Walkacrossthesand · 06/12/2012 08:30

Xposted with captain!

Goldmandra · 06/12/2012 08:31

It depends on how much organising he's actually doing.

Has he just organised the arrival of his friends or has he organised the cleaning, tidying, moving coats, buying booze, cooking nibbles, music, moving furniture, waiting on his friends, etc?

If he's expecting you to spend your birthday doing all of those things YANBU.

If he's expecting to sort everything while you put your feet up and will be waiting on you all night you may be being a little bit unreasonable but then again it is your birthday.

Original poster
ItsALongWayToPickAWilly · 06/12/2012 08:34

Oh and it's always awkward. It's the lads that have been friends for years, the women get on ok-ish but are not independently friends. It's all boring small talk.

I've suggested they all go out to the pub while I babysit but that's when he threw his mood.

I'm not normally this moody and awkward, honest. I just don't like things being sprung on me and I'm on my period so it's just making me 100x worse!

OP posts:
Walkacrossthesand · 06/12/2012 08:34

Having read your latest post, longway , i say - even more so! I suspect he will change his tune if you announce you are going out for the night to do what you want on your birthday, so he will have to be responsible for DS sleeping upstairs.

Cocktailsorcakes · 06/12/2012 10:23

Any chance you and your DC can go to a B&B or hotel for the night and just let him get on with the party by himself?

FestiveWench · 06/12/2012 10:25

I would be seriously pisssed off if DH organised a party that was centred around what he wanted to do on my birthday without taking me into account.

But he would never do this as it is a shit thing to do.

KenLeeeeeee · 06/12/2012 10:27

Smoking weed? With a toddler in the house? I would not allow that.

Jingleflobba · 06/12/2012 10:28

I think walk has got it...
Can you tell him that you are going to go out somewhere so he can have his party but he will be responsible for DS? The whole thing may magically get moved to the pub or cancelled...

Jingleflobba · 06/12/2012 10:29

Ah, just saw the weed bit, sorry. No, there's no way in hell I would leave DS with a whole bunch of people smoking weed in the house..

SantaIAmSoFuckingRock · 06/12/2012 10:30

they'll be smoking weed with your child in the house?

er that'll be a no then!

i'd be pissed he didn't even ask you if it was ok to arrange the party in teh first place but after reading that there'll be weed there? no way. no party.

lovelyladuree · 06/12/2012 10:34

If he has to organise his own birthday party, then his friends aren't that good at being friends. Tell him he can have the party, but at one of their houses, and on a different night his birthday and then he can cook you a nice meal on your birthday.

FrequentFlyerRandomDent · 06/12/2012 10:36

YANBU.

What happened to talking it over together before inviting friends? It is your family home/time too.

Could there be an important family meeting at your parents that you also did not tell him about that night?

.

Original poster
ItsALongWayToPickAWilly · 06/12/2012 10:51

We can't move it to the pub unless I stay behind and babysit, I'm happy to do that and just have a night to myself but he's not happy about it.

They wouldn't be smoking in the house, strictly outside only but it's still not something I'd be comfortable with.

He's trying to turn it round that he organised it seen as I'd not bothered to organise anything for his birthday this year but it was his 30th last year where we had big celebrations. This month is so busy already with both our birthdays, my dads birthday, work Christmas parties and we've already got another party at his friends house this weekend. I just can't be arsed!

OP posts:
YDdraigGoch · 06/12/2012 12:58

Are you sure you can't find a baby sitter? There must be some teenager somewhere who is desparate for money before Christmas.
You could try local groups like Ranger Guides or Explorer Scouts who are the right age and "nice".