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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think that you can't charge people for Christmas when you forgot to organise a kitty?

27 replies

NomadsLand · 05/12/2012 22:43

My sister and BIL are understandably pissed off after attending Christmas last year at other sister's house. They contributed loads of booze and goodies and had to stay at a hotel during the family gathering.

As they were leaving (after a 5 day visit - staying in hotel next door) in their taxi for the airport, other sister asked them to contribute £200 towards the cost of hosting Christmas. They were extremely miffed and only had about £160 in cash on them which they handed over before leaving for their flight feeling v. pissed off.

They are now refusing to come over for Christmas again.

In my hosting sister's defence, she did spend an absolute fortune hosting Christmas (but she is a big spender and foolish with money) but I think she should have set up a kitty instead and organised it that way instead of presenting a bill afterwards. Left a sour taste.

So, judgement of MN - what do you think?

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 05/12/2012 22:45

YANBU.. your sister is a cheeky cow.. if she wanted it to be a joint effort she should have made that clear when issuing the invitations.. if I were your brother I would have told her to feck right off.

ChristmasCountdown · 05/12/2012 22:47

YANBU. That's appalling.

ReinDearPrudence · 05/12/2012 22:47

YANBU. If costs must be shared, then this should be agreed in advance.

purpleroses · 05/12/2012 22:48

That's outrageous - if you want to be generous with your own money fine, but you can't then charge your guests! And assuming your sister and BIL had flights to pay for to come and visit, I would guess they must have paid a fortune overall.

JaquelineHyOnChristmasSpirit · 05/12/2012 22:49

I would be bloody furious and refuse to get involved again. I also wouldn't have stumped up any money at all.

AngelOne · 05/12/2012 22:50

O.M.G.

I would've told her to swivel

bedmonster · 05/12/2012 22:51

Jesus what a rude cow! Sorry, I know it's your sister, but it sounds like on top of their generous contribution they had also paid for flights and hotel accomodation! Definitely a good idea to set up a kitty if you don't want to/can't afford to bear the brunt of entertaining. But do it beforehand and give warning, you don't invoice someone for Christmas unless you're toys r us

stella1w · 05/12/2012 22:51

How cd it possibly come to 200 if they supplied booze and stayed in a hotel. V rude. Kitty idea strange too. Sureluy informal,m you get the turkey, i'll get the drinks and host covers cost of veg etc?

Iamsparklyknickers · 05/12/2012 22:52

I'm on your sister and bil's side.

It's one thing to dish out responsibilities before hand - someone brings wine, someone buys the meat etc. - but to land a bill for stuff they've had no say in even wanting let alone how much to spend would have me spitting blood to be honest.

I'm guessing it would have been cheaper for your bil and sister to have their meals at the hotel.

Balls to your other sister, I don't believe for a second she doesn't understand why anyone wouldn't be keen to experience a random bill again at an expensive time of year after shelling out for a hotel.

ENormaSnob · 05/12/2012 22:54
Shock

That's outrageous.

goralka · 05/12/2012 22:55

tight and unreasonable - who offers to host Christmas and presents family with a bill at the end of it? un-fucking-believable.
it's like inviting someone for sunday lunch and presenting them with a bill at the end of it.

HenriettaTurkey · 05/12/2012 22:55

We are travelling to my parents thud year. We're providing booze, cheese board and cakes/mince pies etc.

They're providing beef joint /veg etc

Alternatively, do an online shop, have an open list & split receipt.

Yanbu

ThisIsMummyPig · 05/12/2012 22:57

If you have a guest, then they are exactly that, unless you are running a business.

I assume the hosting sister had a nice time too.

I struggle to ask anyone for money, much less my own family for food my family has eaten.

OscarPistoriusBitontheside · 05/12/2012 23:04

That's outrageous! No wonder you brother doesn't want to do it again!

A guest is a guest! Or you agree to split the cost well in advance, which if they have bought the booze they have contributed! Shocking!

McChristmasPants2012 · 05/12/2012 23:12

I wouldn't go again, I don't expect nothing for free but they bought a lot and paid a lot to come.

hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman · 05/12/2012 23:14

I think that if she wanted to spend a fortune on hosting an elaborate Christmas then she should stump up the costs or made it clear at the outset that she intended to have a kitty. If she was planning a kitty then everyone who contributes should have a say in how it is spent.

MrsMangelfanciedPaulRobinson · 05/12/2012 23:17

That's awful of her. Very, very mean

pigletmania · 05/12/2012 23:18

YANBU why should people pay fr your sisters extravagance. What a cheeky cow, I dont blame them for not going again, they have every right not to

kdiddy · 05/12/2012 23:20

I am Shock at your sister's cheek!! If you invite people over to yours, then you feed them. They're your guests; you don't ask them for a contribution as they're leaving!

If money's tight but she wanted to get everyone together, then she should have discussed this upfront and either agreed a kitty, as you say, or for everyone to chip in a different bit e.g. food, booze.

Did they spent the whole 5 days together? Did they eat all of their meals round at her house? My mind is boggling at a £200 bill!

Narked · 05/12/2012 23:22

Do you really need to ask?????

Narked · 05/12/2012 23:23

I wouldn't be visiting her home again. Full stop. Not just at Christmas.

ThePoppyAndTheIvy · 05/12/2012 23:27

YANBU definitely. As others have said, if one person is happy to host but cannot afford to bear the entire cost then it is perfectly fine to agree to share expenses before the event - probably along the lines of "I'll buy the food, can you bring wine/drinks?" kind of thing. To invite people for Christmas at your house with no mention of contributing & then asking for a large contribution at the end (or any contribution at all) is completely unacceptable.

I can barely believe the someone could be rude enough to do that Shock. Especially when the guests in question must have laid out a small fortune to spend Christmas with the family as it is (I'm guessing flights at this time of year are not cheap!).

SantasStrapOn · 05/12/2012 23:29

Same as everyone else, speechless at the sheer audacity of it.

(Narked, have take photo, can't upload it from twatphone, will stick it on photos tomorrow in the morning when I wake up )

CelineMcBean · 05/12/2012 23:36

Shock She clearly has more front than Blackpool!

In my family one sister has a small house so we stay in hotels. She provides everything except crackers, pud and a bottle of gin (tradition in my family and she provides posh tonic and a choice of lemon or lime). She wouldn't dream of asking for money. We wouldn't dream of offending by offering. It works out about even in terms of expense.

Aspiemum2 · 05/12/2012 23:43

Omg! They provided booze & goodies, paid for flights and hotel and then were asked for £200??

Firstly what on earth were they eating?! £200 is a heck of a lot to manage to consume in 5 days!

Secondly how many other people were given a bill?

I don't understand people at all, who charges guests?!