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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want my DH to compliment me?

20 replies

chickensarmpit · 05/12/2012 22:20

I always compliment my DH numerous times a day. I tell him those things to make him feel good about himself. He doesn't ever return the favour.
I have just asked him to say one nice thing about me. He said "you're a nice person" WTF!!!!!!
I actually feel really hurt. Someone slap me for moaning please!

OP posts:
KenLeeeeeee · 05/12/2012 22:23

I think some blokes (people in general maybe) just can't do compliments. FWIW I just experimented with DH and asked for a compliment, he looked at me vacantly for 14 seconds (I counted) then said "errrr... umm... in what respect?"

Rather glad I kept the receipts to his Christmas presents now! Xmas Wink

Original poster
chickensarmpit · 05/12/2012 22:25

Ha! My Dh has already conned me out of his Christmas presents. One day i'll actually give them to him on Christmas day.
Fingers crossed he buys me one this year the git.

OP posts:
phantomnamechanger · 05/12/2012 22:28

gawd OP you dont need a slap you need a hug and Im not surprised you feel hurt

BUT I hope you will believe/accept it's not YOU and its not a reflection on him not feeling anything for you - it's cos he's a bloke and many of them are no good at that sort of thing. they might once in a blue moon say somehting off the cuff or romantic, for no reason, but ask them outright - and they panic - I can just imagine the look of terror in his eyes as he tried to work out what you were on about and came out with the first rubbish he thought of cos his mind went blank.

Proudnscaryvirginmary · 05/12/2012 22:28

He sounds like a real catch

NolittleBuddahsorTigerMomshere · 05/12/2012 22:30

Depends, imo on what he would compliment you on. Personally, I would be majorly pissed off if OH said to me [quoting a Joan Rivers joke here]

The floor is immaculate, lie down you hot bitch! Grin

If he said you look gorgeous today, as he frequently does, I'd be happy. Or you are the only DW for me.

Generally, I say YANBU

Original poster
chickensarmpit · 05/12/2012 22:37

I've just told him to think again and his new one is "you make a nice cup of tea"
I am seriously considering rubbing a chilli on the arse crack of all his undies.

OP posts:
AlwaysWantingMore · 05/12/2012 22:38

YANBU, I have the same problem, DH is just not a complimenter. He is pretty understated about most things in life and that includes espousing my virtues... Unfortunately 8 years has taken its toll and I'm only really just beginning to understand how it has affected my self esteem etc. It depends on you and how it affects you, but don't underestimate the potential negative impact. Personally, I need validation and compliments to feel ok about myself - I think most people do!

SherbetVodka · 05/12/2012 22:44

I know how it feels OP!

On our wedding day, everybody but DH told me I looked gorgeous. He was the only person who didn't comment on my appearance although he did eventually say "that thing in your hair looks nice" Hmm

He never, ever pays me any compliments. If it wasn't for the fact that he shows he fancies me by trying it on and groping me every time I so much as hug him, I'd have serious doubts as to whether he even found me attractive any more.

SirBoobAlot · 05/12/2012 22:45

DP would consider "you make a nice cup of tea" to be one of the nicest compliments he could bestow on someone, he's a fussy bastard when it comes to tea.

Though seriously, yeah, I would have been annoyed if "you're a nice person" was the best he could do!

Original poster
chickensarmpit · 05/12/2012 22:55

Sherbert my OH doesn't even try it on, ever.
It's always me who's trying it on and most of the time he moans that he's too tired. Pffttt

OP posts:
ENormaSnob · 05/12/2012 22:59

He can't compliment you, doesn't buy you Xmas gifts but wheedles his early and is frequently moaning about you trying it on?

What are you getting out of this?

Original poster
chickensarmpit · 05/12/2012 23:02

Ermm i don't really know to be honest ENormaSnob
I'm trying to think what exactly he does bring to this relationship.

OP posts:
GhostShip · 05/12/2012 23:04

if he complimented you on your looks you'd get a load of people on here going on about how he's sexist/misogynistic/only with you for sex....

As sirboob said I think he have you the best compliment! ;o

GhostShip · 05/12/2012 23:05

he can't compliment you, doesn't buy you Xmas gifts

A fine picture you're painting for women's wants and needs in a relationship...

Original poster
chickensarmpit · 05/12/2012 23:06

I'd love it if he told me i was beautiful. He hasn't said that for years.

OP posts:
GhostShip · 05/12/2012 23:08

I think sometimes men take it for granted. He probably thinks it everyday. I know if I got that compliment I'd laugh and say ' so I'm not usually?' Wink

Original poster
chickensarmpit · 05/12/2012 23:10

He does give great cuddles though so i will give him that.
I think i'm suffering from pre-work blues boooooo.

OP posts:
ENormaSnob · 05/12/2012 23:10

It's not a want or need its a mutual respect. A fundamental aspect of a loving relationship.

He is quite happy to accept compliments and gifts from her yet doesn't afford the same consideration.

Fuck all to do with being female Hmm

Proudnscaryvirginmary · 06/12/2012 07:35

Agree Norma

TheDoctrineOfSnatch · 06/12/2012 08:48

Does he show his love in different ways eg arranging nights out.

Does he understand that the compliments you pay him are an expression of love or does he not really notice them?

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