AIBU to want to just run away?

[manicbex]

i am 60:40 sharing the 4 kids (age 6-12)with my ex. we both have new partners. every time i go to get the kids from his house my ex wont even look at me and is paranoid about me being in his house when I am away. I need the key to get to DD's medication but rarely use it, but I do pick up the kids from his house in the afternoon while he is not there. He had a go at me twice by text and then just yesterday he had me in tears. I am starting to get so anxious now that I keep thinking it would be easier if the kids stayed with him so i dont have to deal with him any more, and want to run far away. I love my kids but dealing with him is making me nervous about getting them every 3 days or so. i just have no defence against attack any more

Uh, why are you getting them from his house when he isn't there? Who is looking after them while he is out?

On his days the older two walk home to his house and stay until he gets home. I dont really approve of this as DD2 is only 10 and is alone for an hour before DD1 gets home (12yrs). DD1 was recently diagnosed with type 1 diabetes, so on the changeover day i pick them up early and take them home to my place.

Ok can you maybe pick them up from school so you don't have to go into the house or is that too difficult with transporting clothes/medicine etc?

DD1 gets off the train at 4:30 I dont finish college until 4. I could ask bf to pick her up I suppose but then I get in trouble for interfering . I have arranged a netball activity one of the days tho ;) or some playdates with friends? I could give back the key to the house...but the girls both have keys. I think he thinks I am snooping! to be honest I hate going back to my old house. :(

Could you not get your DC to meet you at the door ready with all of their stuff? Then you don't gave to go in and you could give your key back.

If he is so paranoid about you entering his home he should take back his key and make arrangements for a babysitter to be at home with the children or a childminder to have them so you collect from the childminder's house not his. Since you share responsibility then he should make the arrangements on the days he has his children to make sure that they get home from school safely anyway - if something were to happen and one of the children didn't make it home then the first anyone would know about it is when you go and collect them. Would he be happy if you were leaving the children to take care of themselves for a few hours? I'm not sure - and I'm sure someone will correct me if I'm wrong - but I was told that you shouldn't leave children alone until the eldest one is at least 14. Are there no after school clubs that they can go to until you can collect them or do you not have set days when the kids are with you or him?