To not buy in laws 'ish 'Xmas presents

[Cyclefaster]

Separated from XDH last year. All very amicable. Always bought his sisters and brothers a Xmas present previously. AIBU to email them and say I cant afford to buy them all a present, but will buy a present for nieces and nephews?( their children) I spoke to XDH and he thinks that's okay but it's an awkward e mail to send. Maybe by phone is better?

will they be expecting presents from you?

I bought the ex inlaws a gift the first year we split and it obviously made them uncomfortable as they had pressumed I wouldn't buy

if you still speak to them, ring them to discuss

if you don't still speak to them I would take it that you don't buy presents

I do speak to them and all nieces and nephews spend time together. I plan to buy for mother/ father in laws, but 4 sis/Bruv in laws as well! I just can't afford it.

I recommend a phone call to whichever of your XH family you are closest to.

Thanks I just feel a bit Scrooge like!

How about telling them you're making a donation to charity in lieu of giving them Christmas presents? That way you're still thinking of them at Christmas time and can spend as much or little as you can afford

Yanbu. Xmas is for the children. It gets ridiculously expensive if u factor in all the adults as well. The joy for me comes from seeing my dds and my friends dc's opening their presents and seeing their faces. As for family? Well getting together and talking and sharing a meal is what it's all about not who's getting what. Just explain. They r adults they should understand:)

Ooh justmyview that's a great suggestion! Thank you so much x I could buy a goat through Oxfam!

Maybe just a token gift to the parents to say thank you for being so good through the split? Kinda has a final tone to it, so you could get out of future presents too :)

Ah, that's nice of you. Happy to help.

Is you ex husband buying for all of your family?

Could you maybe do it as gifts from your dc (if you have any) to their cousins, that way it gets you out of the equation a bit, and surely your xh will be able to buy for his own siblings?

I stopped buying for my ex's family when we separated, although presents to them were always from the 2 of us and he sorted out his side of the family so I would have had to start buying them presents which would have been strange. They were happy not to buy stuff for me and as we now rarely speak (they see the kids regularly through my ex) there was no reason to drag on present buying.
I've never bought presents for sister's/ SIL's exes once they seperated. The relative concerned did contact us and say "x doesn't want to exchange presents now" which made it easier.