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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

for finding this behaviour annoying in a friend?

15 replies

Theicingontop · 04/12/2012 21:32

I have an old neighbour that I talk to regularly, who has a DS the same age as mine. We regularly meet up and have playdates and coffee etc. I don't know when, but soon after we began talking I found that she can be a little sensitive regarding her son's development, and learned to not talk too much about what my son is doing that her's isn't, so as not to upset her.

We both started potty training recently. My DS must have been really ready because he took to it really well, he was completely dry in five days or so. I was very lucky. We compared notes, as you would. She asked how he was doing the other day and I told her he'd been completely dry at night for a while now, I intentionally didn't tell her until she asked, because I knew she'd be upset about it because her son was still in nappies at night. And she was. "Oh, that's nice for you. Anyway..." Hmm

I just don't get why she has to be this way. Her son is developing normally, he's not behind. My DS does a few things that hers can't yet, granted, but he's a couple of months older, so that could be why. I'm getting so tired of stepping on eggshells with her. She's the only other mum I know of a similar age to me, with the same age DC. She's a lovely person apart from this. WIBU to ask wtf her problem is?

OP posts:
chrismissymoomoomee · 04/12/2012 21:37

What did you expect her to say Xmas Confused

CailinDana · 04/12/2012 21:40

Eh yeah, what was wrong with what she said?

thebody · 04/12/2012 21:41

Stop comparing your child to others. You won't always win you know!

WipsGlitter · 04/12/2012 21:43

What did you want her to say?? I think you're reading too much into it. Try and find other stuff to talk about.

Nigglenaggle · 04/12/2012 21:43

Don't know what else she could have said - she wasnt necessarily being sarcastic.

Theicingontop · 04/12/2012 21:44

I didn't expect her to break into song! It was her tone. She asked, I told her, and she changed the subject like I'd said something rude or something... Confused

OP posts:
CailinDana · 04/12/2012 21:48

If she's anxious about her son then maybe she wanted to find out but then when it wasn't what she wanted to hear she just moved the conversation on rather than saying something rude. I agree that it can be very wearing being around anxious parents who insist on comparing children (my friend mentions the fact that my son is talking and hers isn't a lot) but I can understand it and try to be gracious about it. If you like her in other ways then it's worth letting go, if she's a pain generally then just let the friendship drift.

chrismissymoomoomee · 04/12/2012 21:48

She asked a question, you answered, she replied that was nice, I don't really see how much more of a discussion she could have entered into about it really. What would you have liked her to say?

catus · 04/12/2012 21:49

I guess I understand you being annoyed, but as you also said she is otherwise lovely, I don't think you should say anything. What I mean is that nobody is perfect and it would not be pleasant if people were forever pointing faults in others to their face.

AfterEightMintyy · 04/12/2012 21:50

Heh heh.

rainrainandmorerain · 04/12/2012 21:52

her reaction doesn't sound awful to me, I have to say...

What made you think she was sensitive about her son's development in the first place, out of interest?

Theicingontop · 04/12/2012 21:55

It's not really just this time, I can see that she couldn't have said much more but it was more her tone I think missy. It's more the fact that we sometimes talk for ages about her son and the latest thing he's learned, and if I say a thing about mine she gives me the impression she really doesn't want to listen to any of it. It's always been like that and I've learned not to say anything unless I'm prompted, like about the potty training, but even then she's standoffish. I do think she's insecure, but I don't see why, I see hardly any difference in our DC's.

OP posts:
WipsGlitter · 04/12/2012 21:57

She obviously does see a difference and finds it hard tho.

chrismissymoomoomee · 04/12/2012 22:07

It could be competetive parenting, it could run deeper, maybe she is worried there is something wrong. Either way if she is generally lovely I would let it slide if its just the odd coment here and there and try and talk about things other than what stages your kids are at.

thebody · 04/12/2012 22:09

You need to leve the kids with daddies, go out on the lash and talk about things that really matter. Rediscover your friendship as adults.

Comparing potty training, weaning and sleeping is just dire.

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