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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To spend different amounts on DC's for Xmas

26 replies

TranceDaemon · 04/12/2012 21:15

DS is 19 months, DD is 11. AIBU to think its unrealistic to spend the same on them, due to age, and relative price of stuff? DH thinks its fair to spend the same amount. What do you think?

OP posts:
Sirzy · 04/12/2012 21:18

I think the 19 month old will be more than happy with the boxes from the 11 year olds presents most likely!

seriously, with such an age gap and differing wants/needs for the children then I don't think YABU

EndoplasmicReticulum · 04/12/2012 21:18

YANBU. For the simple reason that the 19 month old will have no idea how much you spent. I expect his presents will be bigger in size, anyway!

AcidTurkishBath · 04/12/2012 21:20

DSDs are teenagers and so we always spend more on them than the younger two (5 and 3). It isn't a matter of money but the teenagers want iPods etc., whereas the younger ones just want toys. Buy them what they will enjoy and don't worry about the money. They won't be comparing receipts.

AnameIcouldnotthinkof · 04/12/2012 21:21

If they were closer in age I would say YABU but with that age gap then I do think it is unrealistic to spend the same amounts. So YANBU

addictedtolatte · 04/12/2012 21:22

I had this conversation today with my sister. I've decided not to spend the same amount either it Seems a bit pointless.

freddiefrog · 04/12/2012 21:24

YANBU

I have an 11 year old and a 7 year old. They want different things at different prices and I don't see the point of buying something for the sake of it, just to even out the spends.

This year one has a bike and the other has a Kindle Fire so by chance they're of equal value, but it wasn't deliberate.

They both have different likes and dislikes - DD2 has riding lessons at £12 a week, DD1 does karate at £5, DD1 likes Converse at £25 a pair, DD2 loves her Hello Kitty Trainers which cost a fiver in the sales, I don't buy stuff for the sake of it usually, so don't see the point at Christmas. They're both getting what they asked for - win-win

Endofteathernearlyreached · 04/12/2012 21:24

I have similar size gap - I do same number of gifts not same value of gifts.

This is because my 2 alternate in opening up presents, so it's then obvious if they have different number.

The younger one always looks so more impressive pile size than the older one. So I put the older one's in big boxes Grin

LemonBreeland · 04/12/2012 21:29

I have a 9yo a 5yo and an 18mo. They are all getting different amounts spent on them. They will all get plenty of presents

MrsMelons · 04/12/2012 21:30

Mine are 6 and 4 and I don't really spend the same amount on them - they have the same amount of presents roughly. DS1 has got a weekend away to Barcelona to watch football with his dad as an extra-special gift and DS2 will have tickets to Peppa Pig world but they have no idea of the difference in price in those two things and they are both things they really want to do.

If they were older I wouldn't do this as they would realise the difference but with your big age gap you are definitely NBU.

AmberSocks · 04/12/2012 21:33

I dont think its unreasonable at any ag,i buy my kids what i think they like,not based on how much something costs!

DialsMavis · 04/12/2012 21:33

DD (2) had got megablocks 2nd hand from eBay £9 including postage, so that we can afford the Xbox for DS!

HoneyDragon · 04/12/2012 21:37

DD is nearly 3 and ds is 9. She also has her Birthday a week before Xmas. Ds gets more spent on him, but she gets a bigger pile.

It's not an issue as ds understands the value of what he receives Smile

PomBearWithAnOFRS · 04/12/2012 21:42

I try and make sure my three youngest (who still believe in Santa) have the same number of actual presents, but they don't make any distinction between something that cost a good bit and something from the pound shop thankfully

DewDr0p · 04/12/2012 21:42

YANBU. I choose things I think they will enjoy.

Presumably you spent less on the 11 yo when they were 19 months too? So thinking of it another way, the 19 month old will get their big expensive 11 yo pressies when they get there (does that make any sense?!)

apostrophethesnowman · 04/12/2012 21:45

YANBU

For all the reasons already given!

Cahoootz · 04/12/2012 21:54

YANBU. I often spend different amounts on my DC's and they are close in age. I always done this on the basis that it works out fairly in the end. My DC's have always been happy with this. They are good at sharing and happy with hand me downs and second hand presents. They need different things at different ages.

snowmummy · 04/12/2012 21:55

YANBU

whois · 04/12/2012 22:15

YANBU

It's stupid to spend the the same always. Especially at your youngest's age.

Equal love should not be determined by equal spending!

ThePlEWhoLovedMe · 04/12/2012 22:47

I have a 12 year age gap (now 10-22) I always spend more on the 22 yr old.

Original poster
TranceDaemon · 04/12/2012 22:47

I KNEW IWNBU!! Wink, though DH won't have it. It was more of an issue last year, when it was even less relevant when DS was 8 months! My reasons were as everyone has said. And that DS would have had a big pile of tat that he had no idea of, and DD would have had one or two prezzies! Madness!

OP posts:
Festivedidi · 04/12/2012 22:52

I have 13yo dd1 who doesn't really know what she wants, and 2yo dd2 who wants everything she sees (bus specifically an umbrella and a book).

I think dd2 will end up with more spent on her purely because she's so easy to buy for while dd1 is difficult because she has everything she wants really. We've discussed dd1 having a bigger budget for treats and days out this year as part of her Christmas present (starting with a day trip out with Guides a couple of weeks ago that she wouldn't normally have gone on)

fenix · 04/12/2012 23:34

He wants to be fair, which is commendable, but he's confusing equality of opportunity with equality of outcome. If each kid gets a few presents that give them roughly the same level of happiness, then that's fairer than a fixed dollar amount each.

EarnestDullard · 04/12/2012 23:41

YANBU. I have a 2.9yo and a 2mo. We're getting the 2mo a couple of toys, and even they will probably be a bit old for her. Seems silly to spend a lot on her when she doesn't want things yet and has no idea what's going on. Even DD1 is only getting a few things from us (well, from Santa) as she's still too young to ask for things and her grandparents will spoil her anyway.

My Mum is very careful to spend the same on me and my DSis, and now our husbands have the same spent on them as well. I'm more concerned with getting everyone something they like rather than keeping the amounts exactly the same.

rogersmellyonthetelly · 05/12/2012 07:14

We buy exactly the same number of presents, but not exes still spend the same amount. Mine are 8 and 6 and sibling rivalry is high. I'm looking forward to the next couple of years when they are not only counting the presents but also adding up the value like my dsis older kids do.

RedHelenB · 05/12/2012 07:49

What's fair is to spend the same amount on your 19 month old as you did when your first child was that age!!