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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that my dh is NOT a chauvinist?

15 replies

DewDr0p · 04/12/2012 10:24

Dh's business partner accused him of being a chauvinist the other day.

I am fuming. I'm quite insulted in my own right. Dh, having grown up in a household where his DF was very chauvinistic (still is) is also very annoyed.

Business partner and his gf split absolutely everything 50:50 - washing shopping cleaning cooking etc. But both work - him full time and her 4 days pw. They have 1 small dc.

We decided when we had dc (8 years ago) that I was going to be a sahm for a while. This was something I really wanted to do. Dh has since started own business and works anything up to 70-80 hours pw. Dc are all at school so I have c 30 hours a week without them.

I do pretty much all the washing, cleaning, cooking, shopping. DH is away a lot for work but when he's here, he takes the lead on bedtimes, keeps the kitchen/dishwasher ticking over. Does lots of reading and homework with the dcs, often gets them ready for school in the morning and sorts out bookbags etc. He would love me to get a cleaner but we can't afford it atm. I went away for the weekend recently and came back to a sparkling kitchen, everywhere hoovered. When dh was on gardening leave he took over cleaning the house for 6 months. If I get behind on stuff (it's a big house and I hate cleaning!) then he pitches in and helps me get back on track.

Dh is very supportive of me wanting to go back to work at some point - I've recently started retraining and he has backed me all the way even though the cost is a struggle.

Before having the dc I had a high pressured successful career and we split the housework pretty much 50:50. I did shopping and cooking; dh did kitchen and washing. We had a cleaner to do the rest.

When dh challenged him on it he refused to apologise. I'm angry that we're being judged and that he thinks it's acceptable to speak to him like that. I don't think it's true. I'm also cross with myself for being bothered Otherwise they get on very well and work well together, btw.

AIBU? Is my dh really a chauvinist and I haven't noticed?

(sorry it's a bit long, trying to avoid drip feeding!)

OP posts:

squeakytoy · 04/12/2012 10:26

For what reason did he say it? And in what context?

AlienRefluxLooksLikeSnow · 04/12/2012 10:27

What on earth made him say it then?

Original poster

DewDr0p · 04/12/2012 10:35

He seems to think that we should split the housework 50:50 like they do - they continued this when his gf was on maternity leave.

They were working at his house and dh said "right shall we get on with this then" and bus partner said "I'm just going to put this washing away first, I'm not a chauvinist like you" - dh pulled him up on it expecting him to say he was joking but apparently not!

I think he just sees the traditional roles we both have (carefully thought about though!) and thinks I am downtrodden or something.

OP posts:

squeakytoy · 04/12/2012 10:37

He sounds a bit of a nob then. Just ignore him. You know he isnt a chauvinist, he knows he isnt. So nobody elses business.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 04/12/2012 10:40

Why are you getting your knickers in such a twist about an off-the-cuff comment from a bit of a dick ?

If your situation works for you, it's nobody else's business. Your long post detailing what you both do sounds like you are attempting to justify it to yourself and there is no need to do that.

Pilgit · 04/12/2012 10:45

Your DH sounds great! No ones business but yours how you sort out your household. Does he give lessons to other DH's in how to be lovely....?

bradyismyfavouritewiseman · 04/12/2012 10:48

Yabu for being annoyed that someone , who is a cock, made a comment to your dh.

Someone called my dh xenophobic a few weeks ago. Totally unfounded. As I know its not true and this person is a dick I laughed

WilsonFrickett · 04/12/2012 10:51

It sounds like you have a very equal relationship, but from the outside it's one that's run on very traditional lines. Hence the chauvinist comment. It doesn't actually mean he's right.

Do you both have equal amounts of leisure time?

SantaisBarredfromhavingStella · 04/12/2012 10:52

How you & dh run your house is nothing to do with anyone else, his business partner sounds like a dick-ignore.

bradyismyfavouritewiseman · 04/12/2012 10:59

Tbf this person only gets the impression of your life from your dh, surely?

Whocansay · 04/12/2012 11:00

I would say that when he's at home at weekends, you both pitch in and split everything equally - but it sounds like you do that already. If he works long hours I don't think its fair to ask him to do more in the week.

Sounds like your dh's business partner has other issues and is projecting. Or he's an arse. Either way, its none of his business and should keep his beak out. If you're happy, why should he have an issue anyway? Ignore.

PanickingIdiot · 04/12/2012 11:02

Sounds like the business partner suffers from sour grapes syndrome.

EldritchCleavage · 04/12/2012 11:49

I think the business partner is a right-on twerp in love with his own gender-equality wonderfulness. Leave him to it.

LRDtheFeministDude · 04/12/2012 12:44

There's a delightful irony that this bloke who obviously doesn't know you very well feels the need to pronounce on your situation.

If it bothers you, do something about it - if it doesn't, tell him to fuck off.

sparkle12mar08 · 04/12/2012 12:49

I think your dh should be having words with his 'business partner' about the shockingly unprofessional comments he felt it appropriate to make! If he says things like that to your husband, what might he be saying to clients/external partners etc?! Pillock.

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