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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBu is not the place, just need, REALLY need some hands to hold, DH with amnesia......

23 replies

catfourfeet · 02/12/2012 23:19

Hi All,

Ive been on here before about about my DH with amnesia and my sis and sil interferring in so many ways ive lost count.

bit of a summary here

Well this eve when skyping the kids he said to elest DS ( 14)

"in the last 20 years parts of my realtionship with Mummy have been untrue, at the best misconceptions, at worst lies, I dont want to tell you necasue its personal and it involves more than just Mummys and me"

This from th eman who just before he left and went to live with f*king sil said iin therapry

"CAT is my soul, mate"

" Ijust want thinngs back how they were before I got ill"

He often said

"If I died tomorrow I wouldnt regret a single thing in my life"

I know, I KNOW its all lies but it just HURTS so, so much.

Im sat here in floods of teras.

I know there aren't any "answers" Ive tried everything.

He's taken off his wedding ring, I dont even know if he had to have it cut off as he hadn't been abot to get it off for years.

Sad Sad Sad

Please I just need some hands to hold.

OP posts:
OldLadyKnowsNothing · 02/12/2012 23:24

I'm so very sorry, cat. I haven't read your link tonight but have seen some of your posts before, and you're in a horrible situation. Can hold your hand for half an hour or so.

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 02/12/2012 23:24

(Am at work, btw, hence the time limit.)

Original poster
catfourfeet · 02/12/2012 23:26

Thanks Old Lady

I feel like im in a nightmare,

Its lies just lies, there is nothing , and I mena NOTHING that I can even imagine that might be behind the "miswconceptions"

OP posts:
littleducks · 02/12/2012 23:27

I remember your threads, so sad it has come to this.

Original poster
catfourfeet · 02/12/2012 23:29

I hate with all my heart his f**king sis,

Today she came in when he was on skype, my DD asked her to leave,her reply

"well,ds,actually im entitled to come in its MY house"

OP posts:
Original poster
catfourfeet · 02/12/2012 23:30

p.s. ds was on skype to Dh , the laptop is in dh's bedroom at hsi sis house.

OP posts:
OldLadyKnowsNothing · 02/12/2012 23:31

I have recently been supporting a friend through a horrible custody case where her ex made up lies, coached her dc to repeat them, and told them again in court, so I understand how "discombobulating" it is when your whole world is turned upside down by lies. You feel you've lost touch with reality yourself.

lovebunny · 02/12/2012 23:31

i'm so sorry. have some hugs.

his brain has changed and you have stayed the same.

i had a brain haemorrhage. eventually i began to function as me again. then i had hypnotherapy from a clinical psychologist. its like lobotomy without knives. i've lost vast parts of myself. i'm programmed not to look back. so i know a bit about brain changes.

i don't know anything about it but i think his brain might be trying to 'fill the gaps' by creating 'memories' that have no basis in reality. apart from talking to him (and his doctor) about it, i have no idea what you could do.

hand held out for holding...

CoolaSchmoola · 02/12/2012 23:32

You can have my hand to hold too cat. So sorry it has come to this.

Original poster
catfourfeet · 02/12/2012 23:33

Old lady

I do think "maybe I AM wrong, maybe it IS me"

but IRL friends KNOW me and DH, they know its all lies.

Its like invasion of the body snatchers Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
catfourfeet · 02/12/2012 23:34

lovebunny

Its not just that his brain is "filing in the gaps" its his sis, shes feedign him lies, her veiw of our marriage is NOTHING liek what is really was,

OP posts:
OldLadyKnowsNothing · 02/12/2012 23:34

That's the worst, isn't it, that you start to doubt things yourself. I am so very, very sorry it's come to this.

Original poster
catfourfeet · 02/12/2012 23:35

love bunny

you sound like you have "been through the mill" , I hope things are more settled for you now.

OP posts:
OldLadyKnowsNothing · 02/12/2012 23:35

Ah, fekkit, have a {{{{{{cat}}}}}} hug.

Wish I could do it for real.

NoisyDay · 02/12/2012 23:36

Op, I remember some of your other threads, I'm so sorry you are still going through this nightmare. You DH's sis is a very sick individual by the sounds of it, she is relishing the control she has over your DH. I am not sure if you have mentioned before, but perhaps you could do with some
Counselling? You are grieving for the man you used to know, and it sounds so horrendous for you. I am disgusted that your sis in law wouldn't even respect you dc's wish to speak to their dad alone. So sad for you.

Original poster
catfourfeet · 02/12/2012 23:37

I still love him, still wan tus to be together ( as much as his illnes allows anyway) and I know that the real "him" loves me.

I know realtionships break down, I could cope with that, but this, this is just cruel, forSIL to go out of her way to tear us appart Sad Sad

why, really , just why ??

OP posts:
Original poster
catfourfeet · 02/12/2012 23:38

I just cant stop crying,, I know the real Dh isnt here ATM but why tear away at what little was left , Sad

I just ant to go to sleep and never wake up,

OP posts:
littleducks · 02/12/2012 23:42

Its hideous, really cruel.

Is there anyone in RL who could support you right now? The pressure you are under is tremendous.

Original poster
catfourfeet · 02/12/2012 23:44

little ducks

SIL has turned his family against me
my SIS has turened my dfamily against me

I have some really great RL friends, so they are a great support.

OP posts:
OldLadyKnowsNothing · 02/12/2012 23:59

I'm so sorry, I have to go, hope there are others to hold your hand tonight. Your rl friends will help you get through this, the dark watches of the night are always worst.

ChasedByBees · 03/12/2012 01:31

So so sorry cat ((((hugs))))

WhoPutTheDickOnTheSnowman · 03/12/2012 01:43

I remember you Cat and all you were going through. It broke my heart then and it's heartbreaking now - god knows how agonising this must be for both you and the DC.

I think you have to try, as hard as you can, to protect yourself and your heart - so you can deal with what you know she is doing without it stealing your strength. I can't imagine what twisted motivation she has but she wants to 'win' your DH at the cost of you and your children. Have you, or can you, access any counselling to help arm you with techniques for helping you to help your DCs through the murk of feelings she is causing? I'm glad you have great friends around you.

Holding your hand and thinking of you all - you deserve so much more than this, but you will get to a better place whichever path is taken.

ChippingInLovesAutumn · 03/12/2012 01:52

Oh my love - I can't believe your situation has become even worse :( I was only thinking about you a few weeks ago and wondering how you were getting on (something I read in a book made me think of you).

The bloody pair of them want shooting - I can't believe they have you so stitched up.

It is just so horrible for you and the kids.

I wish I had a solution, but like you say, you can't make him come home?! Is there anyway you could get him into some residential therapy or something - anything to get him away from the pair of them and somewhere you can visit? A friends house? You just feel like there must be something you can do :(

Like I say, not much help but lots of love & strength to cope with it all x

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