Drunken dad and Christmas

[123canyoucopyme]

So last Christmas I was very ill after having my DD. My dad had moved in temporarily over Christmas to look after me and DD whilst DH was at work.

On Christmas Eve I was feeling a bit better so Dad went out to see his friends. He came home blind drunk and started a fight with DH. I was really quite scared. He ended up storming off after having a go at my DH.

He went off at midnight and didn't tell us where he was going. He was so drunk and it was absolutely freezing outside. He had left his phone at ours so we had no way of contacting him to see if he was okay.

Now I think this was really selfish and was so cross with him that on Christmas Day we woke up not knowing where he was or if he was hurt.

I've not seen him since that night. I know he's okay as he's been in contact with my sister.

I really don't want him being around my family if es getting so drunk and so aggressive .... But it's Christmas coming up soon and I do feel bad.

What should I do? I don't really want my DD growing to love him for him to get drunk and upset her. He used to do that when I was a kid :(

I think you are feeling the guilt a child often feels about an abusive parent. Personally I wouldn't like someone like that in mine or my child's life. Many sympathies.

May I suggest you ask to have this moved to Relationships? Not being the board police I promise! It's just that there are some fantastic people over there who may not go on AIBU and could help you out a lot. They certainly did with me when I had issues with my Dad x

You havent seen him for a year so why would you want to invite him round for Christmas? he can go to your sisters.

How did he ever get his phone back?

He never got it back. I assume he bought another one.

It's so sad but if your father has a drink problem there will be no good side to him being in your dds life unless he wants help.
I am not talking off the top of my head, I have very painful experience of this and then saw another family member expose her two dcs to her problem and then she died on Christmas eve leaving them devastated.
Alcoholism is a selfish condition and destroys everyone it touches.
I hope for all your sakes that your father choices to get help but please do not torture yourself for years thinking that you should do something. You can't.
I wish you well.

Thanks Bee that's a good idea

send a card? but meet after xmas if you must - during the day.

Please keep yourself and your family safe {}

I would leave it until after Xmas if you do want to contact him as he is likely to be drunk again over this period. Sounds awful, sorry op

I completely sympathise with you. No advice but just wanted to let you know you are not alone, I'm in a similar situation.

So you haven´t seen him for nearly a year & he hasn´t contacted you?

There are siblings he can be with at Christmas.

He isn´t your responsibility.

Did you see him often?

I am just that was staying with you-to help you & be company & he went out & got pissed.

How selfish & inconsiderate.

Sounds better avoided for you & your child until he finds some responsibility.

Easier said than done, I´m sure.

If he hasn't been in contact for a year, since last Christmas that he got drunk and insulted your DH, ran out and scared your DD, why on earth would you want him around this year?

You have to take a stand and be there for your primary family. Especially for your DD - never mind DH - to show her she does not have to grow up putting up with abuse in any shape or form (family or no).

He made his choice in life. Please don't feel guilty!

I would count my lucky stars, if I were you! Have a lovely Christmas and let him sulk at someone else's table. He treated you all really badly and there's no way that you should have him around at Christmas, if at all.