gifts of unequal value (adults)

[oopschangingnametime]

I get on very well with one sister but not the other. DSis1 and I have had so many falling outs over the years, I can't go into them all but some really awful lies have been told that I can never forgive. Like, the worst imaginable pretty much, as well as other really awful behaviour. I try to keep a courteous relationship as we both have children, and my other sister and mum feel like they are caught in the middle sometimes (I have always stood up to DSis1, Dsis1 and DM will just take her nastiness to keep the peace. I'm no peace keeper).

Usually Dsis2 and DM visit us at for Christmas, this year not so as we're visiting in-laws in Australia. So, usually we do spend more on DM and DSis as they are there for the actal day, couldn't get each other and the kids nice presents but not them. Usually DSis1 and DBiL will receive a smallish (tenner or so) present each, about the same for their 2 kids.

This year I have bought DM a much more expensive present than usual, because she needed the thing. Xmas will be just her and DSis2,no other family, no friends. They are both very poor so won't have much of a xmas.

AIBU to send DSis1 and her DH the usual value gift, their kids too, and more on DSis2 and DM. DM's present is a cheap laptop. Thinking of spending less than that but maybe 100 on DSis2 (kindle).

AIBU? Should I get DSis2 something smaller or DSis1 something bigger? I don't really know her and have no idea what she might like. Also, not feeling rich, just know what DM and DSis2 really need.

Oh tell DSis1 to sod off if she starts complaining. Your DSis2 sounds like she needs extra help and will appreciate it, whereas your DSis1 just sounds like a moaner.

If you want to help them with some food, how about buying them a Sainsbury's (or any other supermarket) gift card which they can put towards Christmas food. If she quizzes them as to how they managed to buy nice food (which it sounds as though she must do as how else would she know how much was spent on them?!) they can honestly say it was money saved up on a store card - they just don't need to say WHO saved the money up on the store card. (The cards are rechargeable, so putting £10 on every week is something that can be done).

I agree - get them a supermarket card with enough money to cover a couple of days of nice food and get them whatever you want for Christmas. Get your other sister something for a tenner. I would think they'll know to keep quiet around your elder sister. She sounds a real cow, btw!

Surely this is a simple equation. Would DSis2 be pleased enough with the kindle that it would outweigh any potential backlash from DSis1? Or would she forego the kindle to keep the peace? You know her what do you think? If it was me I'd rather the kindle and either lie to sister or suck up the bitching.

It's your cash and you are entitled to spend it however and on whoever you like, DSis1 sounds like a knob. Maybe you could point out how DM & DSis2 are struggling and suggest DSis1 pulls her head out of her arse and contributes too?

I think I would have to be fair and equal to everyone.

There's no need to spend equal amounts on them.

Get your mum the laptop, your nice sis the kindle and fuck all for the one you don't get on with!