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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to make my children move house?

17 replies

hopehopehope · 01/12/2012 23:05

I've got 3 children, dds 9 and 7 and ds 1 and we live in a 3 bed. DD's both share the small second bedroom in bunkbeds and ds has the even smaller 3rd bedroom. Despite staggered bedtimes, DD's both argue half the evening over whether the light stays on or off, generally keep each other awake going backwards and forwards to the loo, swapping books, and haven't got enough space to have friends up to play etc. DD2 needs more sleep than DD1 so is grumpy in the mornings. DD1 is starting to want some privacy from DD2.

We need to apply for DD1's secondary school place next october. The only secondary school where we live is satisfactory according to ofsted but exam results have since fallen significantly at gcse over the last year. Many parents whose children attend (everyone we meet, we ask) have nothing positive to say about the school and bullying seems to be commonplace and poorly dealt with. We have no other school nearby to apply for and schools further afield are full purely with catchment area children. Our area is the second worst in the uk in the recent ofsted league tables for secondary school gradings.

Moving in the same area to a 4 bed with a slightly better school would cost approx 100k extra which we can't afford. Moving further north (150 miles) would allow us to buy a 4 bed for 10-30k more than our house and send DDs to a wide choice of outstanding/good secondary and primary schools.

DD1 after deciding she'd love her own bedroom again, is now upset, not wanting us to sell up and says she wants to stay here as she'd miss her friends. She isn't an overly confident girl and takes a fair while to gain confidence in new situations. DD2 would cope with lots of support from us.

Is it awful of me to take the view that a move is in our best interests long-term and that DD1 will make new friends in the new area?

OP posts:
princesskc · 01/12/2012 23:10

If you think that's what is best then do it asap, nothing worse than moving secondary schools when you've already started (from a child's view point) x

Whoknowswhocares · 01/12/2012 23:14

No of course Yanbu. In fact if you did not look at the bigger, long term picture the you would be failing your children. Hard as she might find it early on,DD will get used to it and will doubtless thank you in years to come

ohfunnyface · 01/12/2012 23:14

Move- change is hard but space and better schools outweigh that

Original poster
hopehopehope · 01/12/2012 23:16

We'd hopefully move by sept/oct next year so that she'd have all of year 6 in her new primary school getting to know her peers before secondary school. DD2 would be at same primary.

OP posts:
TeaDr1nker · 01/12/2012 23:19

Move, gosh I wouldn't give it a second thought after reading your post.

Flojo1979 · 01/12/2012 23:20

YANBU
If u can sort it job wise then there's nothing keeping u. If your DD isn't confident now, I reckon the move and change of school/friends might be the making of her.

Whistlingwaves · 01/12/2012 23:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BlissfullyIgnorant · 01/12/2012 23:25

YANBU at all. If nothing else, it's still a life lesson that sometimes you just have to do something drastic to improve your lot.
We need to move as one DCs school is about 9,274 miles away (feels like it anyway, at 7.10am) and, frankly, I just want to go somewhere more pleasant.
FFS, there's always the hideous Facebook to keep in touch.
Move. Sounds like you won't regret it. There's only one person I know of who moved a million miles and regretted it and that was Liz Jones!

steppemum · 01/12/2012 23:25

It is hard to move as a kid, but you as the parent sometimes have to take a long term view for their benefit which they cannot understand in the short term.

It really doesn't hurt kids to move house, and in fact coping with change and the things life throws at us is a skill we have to learn, they will be fine, and will eventually love having more space. They will make new friends and you will be giving them a much better education

Go for it.

monsterchild · 01/12/2012 23:27

YANBU. I lived in 13 houses and almost as many school districts when I was growing up. They will be ok. They'll have to move out one day anyway, and having more space and better schools will be good for all of you.

Original poster
hopehopehope · 01/12/2012 23:28

Job wise, DH works for a nationwide firm and can transfer areas fairly easily. DD2 in particular had a lot of health problems as a baby which have delayed her development slightly, she's caught up now but I think both girls would benefit from a fresh start. Our current home was bought in a hurry 13 years ago as my mum was terminally ill and it's got a lot of sad memories because of that.

Think it's my mad decluttering/touching up paintwork etc that's made it suddenly seem real to DDs.

OP posts:
HopingItllBeOK · 01/12/2012 23:34

It is far easier to move while in Primary than it is in Secondary in terms of kids adjusting and making new friends. In Primary, their new teachers will encourage kids to keep an eye on them, show them round and they will have the mysterious factor of being new and interesting. In Secondary, they will be expected to fend for themselves much more wrt settling in.

In 5 years time, they will need their own rooms much more than they do now, or at least their own space and it doesn't sound possible to get that in a cramped bedroom. There will be the added complication that in 5 years time, they will be moving away from people they have been friends with for 8 years of school, whereas now it is only 3. It is never easy for a kid to move away from their friends but it is harder the longer they have been friends with them.

If you can afford to move and it won't impact on your work or ability to change jobs if you need to then I would say do it. The extra space will be a great benefit to your DC in years to come and while they may be unhappy in the short term, it will balance out in the long term.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 01/12/2012 23:34

Of course it's not awful of you to want to move o an area with better schools and a home that would suit your family better.

You are the adult here, you need to show your dd you are confident with your decision or you will make her nerves worse.

iheartmycat · 01/12/2012 23:42

I was a very shy child who moved house, school or country a total of 18 times before I was 11. And I coped absolutely fine. To this day, I think it's been to my advantge as i'm way more open to moving for a job/new opportunity/just a change than most of my friends, and i'm sure that was because of my childhood. The build up to the moves, particularly the few occasions when I was really settled, was hard but was always very soon forgotten with the excitement of new schools/friends/bedrooms. Go for it! :)

OkayHazel · 01/12/2012 23:44

Move now. Don't move your child during secondary school.

gimmecakeandcandy · 01/12/2012 23:50

Yanbu and please don't listen to your dd on this who is too young to have any idea that making decisions like this should be left to the adults. Friends at this age are nice yes, but should never influence such an important decision! If you can, move. Sounds like a great decision.

Frikadellen · 02/12/2012 00:15

Move we moved (45 mins away so not as far but far enough to not have access to old schools and friends) and now 5 years on our children wouldnt wish to move back..

Big breath and jump (was the best thing we ever did as parents imo)

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