To tell Dsis (9) that if she "won't sit at a table where people are eating non free range turky" that she can eat her christmas dinner alone on the balcony.

[honeytea]

My lovely adorable and slightly precocious little sister is 9 and has been a self declared vegetarian since she was about 4.

My family are coming to stay with us for Christmas and my mum has kindly offered to cook Christmas dinner which is fab as I am due to give birth on the 8th (but feel like the baby is happy in my tummy and won't be here till much closer to Christmas.) I was talking to my mum and sister today about what I should buy for dinner, they fly to us on the 23rd and we have a christmas day celebration with my DP's family on the 24th so I need to get prepared. I went trough all the vegies and stuff for a nut roast, then I said maybe I will get a big chicken instead of a turky and my little sister said well you had better make sure it is free range as I won't sit at a table where there meat that is not free range, I said to her that is fine she can sit on the balcony and eat her dinner.

AIBU and a nasty big sister, I will look for a free range chicken but I don't often buy meat and I have no idea if you can even buy free range chickens in the country we live in.

[socharlotte]

She sounds a complete PITA

[cory]

iirc there was an overhaul of fowl welfare in Sweden some time ago and the ordinary frozen chickens you find in the shops have been reared under conditions similar to our free range barn chickens (which is why they are so expensive), so not like our caged chickens

as you say, you clearly can't have free ranging poultry of the British type because they'd freeze to death and it would be cruel, but I don't think you get the battery hens either

or at least that's what my family tells me

[honeytea]

Cory that is great news, solves the problem!

[Pictureperfect]

I think like others said she should learn when to express what she will and won't have and that she can decline the meat herself but let others eat it. However good for her for sticking to her beliefs

[Cahoootz]

I wonder what she will do on the plane if the people around her are eating non free range meals.

[StuntGirl]

I don't think honeytea was being serious about sending her to the balcony people

However she's right that her sister shouldn't dictate what everyone else eats. She doesn't want to eat it, she's made her choice, and that's fine. As a child she doesn't get to dictate the rest of the families choices.

[musicposy]

I'm liking your little sis, she sounds like the kind of person the next generation needs, willing to change the world and not at all apathetic. My DD2 is like this and has been a strict veggie since 8, though now at 13 she's had to learn a little that she makes her choices and other people make theirs.

Try telling her you catch more flies with honey than vinegar - in other words, ultimatums are not the best way to get people on her side. I reckon she'll get that more as she gets older; 9 is still very young. Sounds like you have solved the turkey dilemma anyway if you can explain a little about welfare in Sweden. Have a great Christmas!

[StuntGirl]

Cahoootz

[musicposy]

"It really pisses me off that just because she is a child she has no right to express her principles. Eat what she is given? This isn't the dark ages? We have evolved? At least some of us have."

Absolutely, crunchiebar. I am proud that my DD became veggie at 8 depsite living in a non veggie household, because I'm proud she can think for herself and make her own life choices. The number of people who said to me "if she was my child she'd eat what I put in front of her" staggered me. Why? You wouldn't do this to an adult; you would respect their views even if you didn't agree with them. I don't get people who say "little madam". Why are you allowed to have opinions as an adult but not as a child? The OPs little sis just needs to learn that there are other ways of getting her point across - and that's just a maturity thing which will come in time. But good on her for having principles and ideas this young. Do we really want to raise a generation of children who just defer to everyone else and can't think for themselves? I don't.

[honeytea]

cahootz

I guess what I did was give her an ultimatum that out trumped her ultimatum which was to say she was welcome to eat on the balcony, it wasn't very grown up of me I should have explained to her why she can't dictate what other people eat. I wouldn't actually make her eat on the balcony there will be too much snow anyway I'd have to shovel it clear and I won't have time for that!

[MidniteScribbler]

musicposy, I would have no problems if my son decided to become a vegetarian at some point. I would also happily provide vegetarian options at meals. But I would not stop eating meat myself, and if he wanted to put on a strop about me eating meat at my own dinner table, then he could prepare his own meals.

Part of being a parent is not only teaching your child to have principles, but also teaching them how to behave in polite society and how to get your message across without alienating people. There's a time to be vocal about your opinions, and times to just shut up and take the moral high ground.

[ravenAK]

Personally, I think you should make every effort to source a non-intensively reared bird (battery poultry is hideously cruel - I'm with your little sis here), & if it can't be done, just cook veggie.

HOWEVER, if you don't have a problem with factory chicken, then that's your choice to serve it. Equally, it's your sister's choice to eat apart from the main table.

She's not being a brat. Her age isn't really relevant here IMO - what would you do if she was 19? Do that.

[SantaIAmSoFuckingRock]

" I won't sit at a table where there meat that is not free range,"

i would simply have said "no problem" and let her decide where she wanted to sit on the day. if non free range is what i usually bought then i wouldn't be changing my plans for her, nor would i even raise an eyebrow to her announcement.

[sashh]

Isn't 'free range' a British thing? Maybe she should bring one with her - little brat.

[quesadilla]

Can't get over these people saying how "lovely" and "ethical" she sounds. Sorry OP, sure your sister is lovely and knowing about ethical good production is good but children encouraged to think their opinions and views should always take precedence over others grow up to be selfish, antisocial adults. Tell her to eat the turkey with good grace and moan about it later in private if she has to.

[cuillereasoupe]

Fight fire with fire. Tell her that because of the snow issue the only free-range options available have to be flown in and isn't she worried about the food miles?

[fluffygal]

How dare a 9 year old express herself? Little brat, she should eat that turkey and be happy with what she's given. Children should be seen and not heard!

I guess the people with the above views also think the 14 year old girl who got shot for standing up for her education was a brat who should have been happy with what she had? I personally think its great that she's standing up for what she believes in, maybe just guide her OP on how best to express it though!

[SoupDragon]

"It really pisses me off that just because she is a child she has no right to express her principles. Eat what she is given? This isn't the dark ages? We have evolved? At least some of us have."

Some people seem to have missed the point that the child is not being made to eat the meat. She is behaving brattishly by trying to dictate what people eat. No one has the right to decide what others eat, whatever their own principles or age.

[SoupDragon]

Tell her to eat the turkey with good grace

She is being provided with a vegetarian meal! She isn't being made to eat the turkey!

[quesadilla]

OK, I forgot about the veggy option. All the more reason not to indulge her in this situation. fluffygal how ridiculous (and how self-indulgent) to compare a situation where a woman has been brutalized for expressing free speech in a regime that oppresses children with an entitled teenager seeking attention (sorry OP but that's basically what this is about). No one is repressing this child or forcing her to eat something she doesn't want. They are simply asking her to show some respect for her family members and learn that she cannot expect everyone to bend a family celebration to her whims opinions. Its called growing up and learning to function as part of society.

[PerryCombover]

Let her have her principles. Nice to see them.
Show her the info you have on organic and that you are trying to accommodate
That should do it

Cool that you are taking her seriously and teaching her to respect herself and others

[GhoulWithADragonTattoo]

She sounds great and hopefully Cory's info has resolved this. If she's concerned I would set her up a table for one, beautifully decorated so she can make her stand during the main course. Don't crush her principles at such a young age :)

[CheungFun]

ImperialSantasKnickers yes I think I would lie to an adult as well as a child. If they were actually going to eat the bird then of course I would buy free range, but otherwise I don't think I could be bothered to have the argument discussion to persuade them. Yes I'm a terrible person I know

I just think Christmas should be a time to relax and enjoy the day with family rather than have big talks on good versus evil.

[honeytea]

I think if it was an adult having such a strong opinion I would say "great, that's fine, can you bring a free range turky with you.