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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to want thunderbolts, hearts and flowers.

23 replies

Lonecatwithkitten · 30/11/2012 17:26

Finding myself single again and being a fan of chicklit and programs such as Gray's Anatomy am I being unreasonable to want this next time round.
ExH never bought me flowers just for the sake of it, he never surprised me and whisked me away in fact he never surprised me at all apart from the day he left.
I want to be romanced made to feel special and lets face it Woooed. Does it still happen any more?

OP posts:

HappyJustToBe · 30/11/2012 17:30

YANBU per se but I think it is overrated.

This is what I want...

Iannis: When you fall in love, it is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake, and then it subsides. And when it subsides, you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots are become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the desire to mate every second of the day. It is not lying awake at night imagining that he is kissing every part of your body. No... don't blush. I am telling you some truths. For that is just being in love; which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over, when being in love has burned away. Doesn't sound very exciting, does it? But it is!

StickEmUp · 30/11/2012 17:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Lonecatwithkitten · 30/11/2012 17:33

Happy that's what I thought I had he thought different though. I suppose I just feel pretty low currently and want someone to make me feel special.

OP posts:

PurpleCrutches · 30/11/2012 17:34

YANBU.

Yes, there are romantic men out there, you just have to find them. DH was quite hearts and flowers when we first got together. He always makes a big deal out of anniversaries etc.

He even buys me flowers when I make him

BunnyLebowski · 30/11/2012 17:35

Shit chick-lit tv shows, films and books which perpetuate the laughable notion of "The One" are partly why women people have ridiculous and unrealistic expectations of relationships.

Yes romance exists and is lovely but there is much more to a fulfilling and successful relationship.

Real life is not like the movies.

LDNmummy · 30/11/2012 17:52

YANBU! DH and I are stuck in a rut because of his demanding job and our teething toddler.

We are planning something romantic for early next year. So much for spontaneity

Real life definitely isn't like the films, I wouldn't want it to be. Having a good solid relationship is far more important than flowers and chocs. But with that said, a little over the top romance helps along the way to keep you from falling into the type of monotony that kills relationships.

It's especially nice at the start of getting to know someone. Hopefully you'll find someone who wants the same thing.

missymoomoomee · 30/11/2012 18:10

DH isn't all hearts and flowers at all he is rubbish at surprises and buying gifts and never whisks me away anywhere.

He does - make me a coffee 1st thing in the morning with an extra sugar just how I like it and puts my PJs in the tumble drier for a few minutes when I get out of a bath so they are all cosy for me, and a million other little things that I take for granted now.

I'd take the little things over the big gestures any day.

zlist · 30/11/2012 19:16

My DH did it for a while in the very early days - flowers at work, love notes, compilation CDs...I think that was mainly the distance though as we could only see each other every other weekend max. We got married very quickly but is it like that now, 10 year later? NOPE! All that stopped as soon as I moved in really. We do little things for each other that count more, inbetween being grumpy are barely pleasant!

ErrorError · 30/11/2012 20:13

I have unrealistic expectations from reading too much Jane Austen. My only care in the world would be having to find a rich man or risk bringing my family into destitution. A simpler time.

I am also recently single, and thought (after nearly 4 years of feeling blah most of the time) that being in love was supposed to be about the butterflies. But after realising that was just indigestion, I decided I'd rather just be me for a while and if I happen to bump into someone nice, I'll get to know them and we'll see how it goes. My only criteria is that they accept me exactly for who I am.

+1 vote for the little things over grand gestures.

KenLeeeeeee · 30/11/2012 20:18

IME the grand gestures fade away, the electric excitement settles down and if there isn't a foundation of boring but nice stuff beneath that, then you end up annoyed and disillusioned.

DH isn't at all romantic - when pushed about buying flowers, his motto is "I'm heavy metal, not heavy petal" - but he is caring and kind in many small ways on a daily basis so I only whinge a little bit don't mind about not getting flowers or other romantic gestures.

PackItInNow · 30/11/2012 20:19

Love is the ever-smouldering embers when the flames of lust have died down a bit. At least that's how I see it anyway.

PackItInNow · 30/11/2012 20:23

And so back to reality folks .

MrsBW · 30/11/2012 20:33

Among DHs many talents:

He has a high powered job
He does more than 50% of the housework
He is chivalrous: never let's me walk on the outside of a pavement, carry a bag or clear ice off my own car
Buys me flowers randomly about once a month
Is the best in bed I've ever had.
Part of his job is being a qualified bodyguard so I always feel safe with him.

Fairy tale? Maybe. But it's real. Best of all though... he knows me and we 'mesh' on the 'big stuff'... I think that's the most important thing.

Purple2012 · 30/11/2012 21:10

My husband buys me flowers quite a lot. Its really sweet when I see him cycling towards the house with bunches if flowers sticking out if his rucksack! He also runs me a bath when I'm knackered, and lots of other little things.

Although he never bought me an advent calendar even though I got him a chocolate one with his name on! he should have known I didn't mean it when I said I didn't want one

ThinkAboutItTomorrow · 30/11/2012 21:26

YANBU. However thunderbolts etc are fun for a while, great for the ego and they make for good books and films but they aren't the stuff a 50 year love affair are made of.

DP knows me better than anyone on the planet. He knows the stuff i'd be ashamed or embarrassed to even post on here anonymously. He still loves me and shows it every day in the little things. Even after 13 years.

I'd trade that for flowers any day.

He does also do flowers every now and again though....

squoosh · 30/11/2012 21:26

MrsBW hold onto that one!

missymoomoomee · 30/11/2012 21:32

There was me saying DH isn't romantic.

He has just come in from work with a multi pack of curlywurlys, a bottle of lemonade and my favourite bread and sandwich filling because I've been unwell all day and he knows I won't have eaten. Romance is alive and well in the MooMoo household.

[bgrin]

OpheliaPayneAgain · 30/11/2012 21:37

It's really queer. I know people who have never been on a 'date' . I mean, never taken for a meal, or to the pictures, even for a walk. They hung around in a group, paired off, copulated, and have kids. But never ever 'dated'. I find that totally weird.

KatieScarlett2833 · 30/11/2012 21:41

Mine has just made me my favourite supper with a box of my favourite chocs for afters because I've had a shit week.

However, he would have done it anyway even if this week had been full of the laffs.

That's all the romance I need.

Whatsthatnoise · 30/11/2012 21:45

My DP is the only person who actually knows me, I have friends who I have known for 20+ years who don't understand me the way he does. He might not buy me flowers but I wouldn't change him for the world.

ThinkAboutItTomorrow · 30/11/2012 21:56

ophelia nope, never dated. Have obviously been for meals but only after we got together.

In fact we did the going out in a group thing for so long it was when we went on holiday together just the two of us i finally said, 'so, does this mean we're going out then'!

Original poster

Lonecatwithkitten · 30/11/2012 22:39

I suppose I got so used to being the one did everything and when I couldn't do it I had had surgery in fact even me having the surgery was inconvenient. That what I really want is someone who values me for just being me.
I have to admit that my dad has brought my mum a cup of tea in bed every morning for nearly forty one years and I think that is incredibly romantic.

OP posts:

Willdoitinaminute · 30/11/2012 22:46

I have been with my DH for over 20yrs so no longer at the hearts and flowers stage but we have a deeper love now. We have many shared life experiences and have built our relationship around them. We don't live in each others pockets but try to find time each day to catch up and share our day. And yes the little things are so important. I love that when he comes to bed after me he always makes sure that I am tucked in. He runs the bath for me when I am feeling weary. And although our sex life isn't what it was at the beginning it it so so much more satisfying and I still feel like a sex goddess despite no longer looking like one.

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