to not give a shit about my grandparents.

[MistletoeAndTomHardyPlease]

To see them now they'd seem like nice, normal people.

But they did some awful things when my dad and siblings were young.

They outcast my lovely uncle when he needed help, hes dead now and suffered so much at the hands of these people.
My grandma sent me a birthday card with £10 in and her mobile number, i threw the number in the bin and gave the £10 to my DS, I didn't want a penny of it. she never rings us but complains we don't speak

To give you an idea ... they put my dad in a home at 8 telling him 'he was a bad boy' where several people attempted to sexually abuse him and he was physically abused (maybe he was sexually abused but he hasn't told us, he just started to mention it once but I couldn't bear to hear :( )

My grandad (who is their stepdad) beat them black and blue... stopped halfway through and told my grandma to get his steal toecap boots, which she did!!!... put them on and continued to kick them with the boots.

They are a pair of sick fucks, and now I have kids and am older and the truth has come out I want nothing to do with them.

My Mum and Dad have contact to keep the peace but I'm not that forgiving.

If I got a call now saying they were both dead I wouldn't shed a single tear.

I know this might seem cold and heartless but you wouldn't believe the things they did, too horried to post about here :(

TBH I think my parents only keep contact as my dad is due a large inheritence and after what they put him through he bloody deserves something from them.IF THAT MAKES SOME TWISTED SENSE?

I just hate them, Christmas is coming up and we usually see them, and they bring the kids presents .... I honestly have come to the point where I don't want anything from them.

Should I just keep the peace though? for my parents sake?

I wouldnt keep the peace - they sound like they did horrific things to people, when did they ever try and keep the peace.

Just tell your parents if they want to forgive and forget fine but personally you can't and have no wish for further contact.

So no, YANBU.

Yanbu! Not at all.

It's not cold and it's not heartless. Given the horrors they dished out to people you love it's no wonder. If some random person beat up a family member you wouldn't think twice about your feelings for them.

I always followed my mum's lead with regard to her dad. Luckily he never really made any moves to get back in touch. He died a few years ago and my mum wanted to go to funeral for closure and that was that. None of us felt anything.

They sound awful OP and I'm not surprised you don't want anything to do with them. I don't think YANBU to never want to see them ever again. I certainly wouldn't if I were in the same position.

What does your Dad think?

It scared me a bit reading this op. This sounds exactly like my grandparents. Some of the things are so similar. I still talk to mine just to keep the peace but we hardly ever speak to each other now so it's not so bad.

Anyway to answer your question, no one could blame you for never speaking again but then I don't know your whole situation so can't really say. But would it make it awkward for your parents especially your dad if you stopped speaking? Do they know that you know about the past?

My dad is very emotionally damaged from his upbringing, he doesn't talk freely about his past.

He knows I know,

Even though they only live 40 mins away we have VERY little contact, maybe seeing each other once a year so it really wouldn't make any difference if I told them I didn't want to see them.

I know they would cut me out of the inheritance and considering how little money we have thats something I have to consider, but I don't know if I'd want it anyways.

I would do what's best for your Dad. Its really his battle to fight not yours. I can understand why you wouldn't piss on them if they were on fire but if taking a stand harms your Dad then it would be the worse outcome of all.

I would speak to your Dad and if he wants you to smile and place nice at Xmas and just wash your hands really well afterwards!

gah smile and play nice

You aren't the cold heartless one OP, not at all.
I would try and follow your Dad's wishes if you can though, if only to make it easier for him. Difficult to do but try and stay out of their way as much as possible on the day perhaps, take your DC's out for a walk with Your Dad after dinner or something like that?
If inheritance is the only reason your Dad stays in touch then good on him as far as I'm concerned! He desrves it after what they put him through.
YANBU, it's a horrible position to be in.

TBH I just wouldn't go on the day they were there, I don't think my dad would care.

I just love him so much and don't want to play happy families with people that hurt him so much. My DS looks very much like my dad when he was young and is almost at the age my dad was 'sent away' and it breaks my heart.

I have a slightly related problem in that my poor parents are deeply involved in the care of my ageing granny. And I can't stand her.

She's no way as bad as your GPs sound but still, we do not get on, she doesn't like me, I don't like her, in fact she doesn't like anyone except my Dad and she resents my mother with a passion and is very rude to her. My mother makes excuses for her but I think secretly enjoys some aspect of it.

I have tried to duck out of further contact with my granny for years, and my parents always try and persuade me to keep seeing her - I think it makes their lives harder if I don't. I don't want to leave them in the lurch but then, why do they insist on staying in touch with someone so cruel?

This year I have not seen her at all and neither have my children. We won't be seeing her at christmas either. I'm pregnant and tbh my parents agreed I should keep away as she would only give them hell if she found out (complicated story) - so they have only just told her and she hasn't contacted me about it. She is very self absorbed.

I send her a letter occasionally or a card and presents for her birthday or Christmas, also photos of the kids. That's it - no physical contact is working well for me, probably for her too though she makes a thing of moaning about it.

You have to find a middle way. I understand your dilemma but in all seriousness your situation is much more severe than mine (which has never involved physical cruelty or abuse) and therefore I think it must make it a lot more difficult.

Thinking of you

I don't think its just inheritance, i think they'll always be a part of him looking for some form of apology or something from them. They are still his parents?

I understand as my mum was abusive to me but I've forgiven her. So I can't judge him harshly, though it was no where near the same level.

Your poor Dad :(

YANBU to not want them in your life. They sound like truly disgusting people.

Just reread my post, I wasn't trying to make out your Dad was being mercenary about the inheritance
Somedays I only open my mouth to change feet....

In my parents' case it isn't about the money, definitely - just saying, but they really don't want her money, and I suspect when she finally passes away and leaves it to them, they will try and give it to me and my sister! And we'll also feel a bit weird about it.

My parents struggle alot, they both work full time with health problems and barely see each other because of shifts, it would make a significant difference to them.

Jingle, don't worry!! It always feels a bit weird bringing money into things. I know I could do with the money I'm due to get when they die but I don't know how I'll feel when I get it, dirty I imagine.

In your position here's what I would do OP:

Go & see the grandparents (without the DC's) & ask them about it, use the examples of the steel toecapped boots & the other stuff that you haven't put on here & demand an explanation from them. Confront them. If their reaction horrifies you then make it clear you will not see them again as a consequence of their actions.

I'm glad for your dad that he has been able to move on but for fucks sake that should not mean its swept under the carpet & people should just behave as if it didn't happen. I applaud you in making a stand & I think you should ensure there are fucking consequences.

You should do what you think will support your Dad the best. This is his situation, and the people who love him need to put him first, no matter how strong their own emotions on the subject.