AIBU to allow this comment from my solicitor to play on my mind and make me angry????

[Mu1berries]

He said to me that I shouldn't allow my daughter to grow up to be a man hater. I was momentarily taken aback as that's not relevant to the case. I said 'eh that won't happen, she has my dad and my brothers'. He tried to get me to look at some website called resolution. But I'm not paying him for mediation. I am a good mother and it's up to my x how he behaves/parents.

Am I being really unreasonable to be dwelling obsessively on that comment now! I have not met the solicitor that many times. I don't use language like 'he's a bastard I hate him'. I warned my solicitor that my x would be resolutely determined to pay nothing and that he would be good at presenting himself as a much poorer person than he is. That DID happen, so, I have to go to an appeal now which I don't want.

I won't change solicitors over one comment, but still, can he really be on my side if he views me as a man-hater? why else would he say to me that I should be careful my dd doesn't end up a man-hater? I am wishing now that I'd said to him that there's absolutely no danger my dd will grow up to be a man-hater, I'd be more worried that she'd grow up to be a man-pleaser to be honest. and I wish I'd said that I have never believed that my x's poor behaviour was representitive of men, or that he is The Ambassador for Men. I'm annoyed with solicitor. I'm trying to let it go. The important thing is that he does a good job for me, but, can a man who thinks this of me fight my corner? Am I wrong to assume he must have a bad opinion of me?

He seemed quite nice to begin with and now I think he 's had a coffee with my x's solicitor and has listened to my x's "side". How I left him for no reason on a whim blah blah blah

Is it possible he tells this to everyone, regardless of the circumstances as he has seen it happen tok many times?

If you are sure you won't colour your DD's minds out her father, then there will be no problem and you can put it behind you.

I know how hard it is to be positive about your child's father if he is behaving in an appalling way, it's great that your DD has good role models in your family around her.

I think you are dwelling on it a bit. He has probably dealt with so many divorces, that he is offering you advice on something he has seen a lot of.
I dont even think he views you as a man hater necessarily.

Personally I think he over stepped the mark a bit.

he wont' be listening to 'sides' - he's a professional, paid by you to represent you, don't worry what he 'thinks' of you, he's your solicitor he probably doesn't even bother to have an opinion as we all know there are no winners in these situations.

I googled that website and the first sentence on it is: "Resolution, national organisation of family lawyers committed to non-confrontational divorce, separation and other family problems." which sounds like it can't be a bad thing. I guess he's just trying to make the process as easy as possible for you and most importantly your child(ren).

Thanks, you're right, he probably does have a few stock phrases that he pulls out of the drawer, but at the same time, I as shamy says, I think it was overstepping a mark.

I would like to think he wouldn't listen to sides but he said something to me that came straight from my x's solicitor and then I was put in the position of having to set the record straight (not that it is anything to do with the case really)

I've always tried to be reasonable and do the right thing and it's been hard as my x is the type to take, take, take, and then wipe his feet on you as he steps over you.

It was a bit of a stupid comment, and possibly a little unprofessional, depending on the context, but don't let your imagination run away with you.

It is highly, highly unlikely that he has "had a coffee" with your ex's solicitor. Solicitors dealing with this type of thing tend to be office-based, so won't run into their opponents in court very often, and I don't know any solicitors who have cozy coffee meet-ups with people from other firms. It's just like any other business - people tend to socialise within their own firms and there aren't many social opportunities for people from different firms to meet up.

It's possible he does hold those views; I could tell you anecdotal evidence of a solicitor who dealt with a family member who said similar things but it probably won't help you in your situation.

Is he a good solicitor? Has he been professional in your dealings? Has he been 'on your side' so far? Do you trust him to get the best resolution for your family?

Personally I think it was unprofessional of him to make that comment; you're paying him to navigate this mess for you not be your counsellor or friend. If you otherwise trust him I would perhaps bring it up once in a "I would prefer it if you stick to business and leave personal judgements about my family/situation out of it" way and then move on.

Phone him up and have a word with him. Ask him if he would like to continue representing you if thats how he feels about you as his client. I'd expect an apology. That way it won't eat you up any more. If he's not contrite you know what to do. You need to trust this man to fight your corner - you're not paying him to make judgements about you.

I would like to think he wouldn't listen to sides but he said something to me that came straight from my x's solicitor and then I was put in the position of having to set the record straight (not that it is anything to do with the case really)

It depends how he said it, but I would have thought that he will have to put things to you that your X has said so that he can get your view on it and rebut it if necessary. If he is doing a good job, ignore the comment and counter anything that he could say in the future.

Why didn't you query why he said it at the time? I have been through similar with my exh (went on for 8 long years) and when I eventually got legal involved my solicitor ate him alive. There was never any question that I was fabricating things. At one point he said to me that I knew my exh well because everything I said he would do he did do up until that point. The only thing I was surprised about was when he actually signed, and agreed, to the court order. My solicitor was behind me 100% of the way, he even suggested that we get a female barrister because my exh would have thought he could manipulate her. Unfortunately we never got to that day because the ex signed the paperwork first. I would have really loved to see him squirm.

Just for the record I am not a 'man-hater' either, just an 'exh hater' in reality I don't really hate him either, just feel sorry for him

I think it was an inappropriate comment, but you should look at Resolution. Surely a mediated solution is the best thing for all of you?

Well, I'm bending over backwards as far as I can. It would be great if my X could be encouraged to look at that site. Maybe my x will agree to settle before going back to court again.

I had wanted to go before the judge financialwizard, but it wasn't what i thought it would be. judge didn't listen. he was in a rush to go home. my x was cockahoop coming out of court and sneered at me.

ps, I wish I had said 'why would you say that? think that? be concerned with that ?? at the time I answered as though he meant that my daughter's father was such a poor specimen of fatherhood and manhood that she needed other role models. Even though Iknew that that wasn't what he meant. Perhaps it's for the best though. my solicitor doesn't need to knwo that i think he's a bit of a misogynist.