To not want to go to my mum's funeral?

[StickEmWithThePointyEnd]

I'm opening myself up to your wrath here. I don't know what to do or if I am bu or just crazy.

I don't want to go to my mum's funeral. I love her to pieces and there were no issues between us for this to be a "I never liked you anyway" type of flounce.

But there will be lots of people I despise there. People who never cared about my mum and caused her no end of anguish. I feel like the funeral is for them not me somehow. I want to do something without them there.

Is this a bad decision? If I were to go I would have to stay at the back anyway due to toddler ds. Not taking him is not an option, I need him with me at the moment and he loved my mum more than most of the people that will be there with their fake tears.

Should I find something for ds and I to do on our own to commemorate my mum?

I took my 3 young children (7,5,2) to my Mothers funeral; I also took a close friend so that they could be with her if they got to upset or worried. As it was they all sat through the service, the oldest with my DH and I at the front and the youngest two at the back with my friend (their choice). I feel that this was the right choice and I haven't regreted it since.
I didn't want a lot of the guests that were invited to come but on the day I didn't even notice them. I was so wrapped up in my own grief and sorting the children out that everything was a blur.
After the funeral tea (can't remember it's correct name) my DH, MIL, FIL, children and I went and did something special, something that my Mum would have enjoyed doing. That is what I remember most about that day; it was the time that I said goodbye to my Mum properly.