In not supporting DH to find new job?

[IcouldstillbeJoseph]

DH served in the Royal Navy for 23 years - joined at 17. He left at 40 and took a job that was about an hours commute away. It was far from ideal, he didn't much like the job, the commute was a bastard and not much room for progression. So, he looked for something else after about 8 shitty months and got a new job, much closer to home, better money etc.

All has been going ok but now, six months into new job the same moans are coming out again. Not happy, doesn't like the job, not room to progress, people getting on his tits basically. I know it won't be long before he starts to say he wants to look elsewhere again...

I have 2 issues - one is that I think it's not going to look good on a CV if he keeps changing jobs. I think he will get fed up with anything in civvy st as it's generally disorganized etc, compared to RN.
But the second issue is I'm pregnant with DC2 and I suffered badly with PND after DS1. I just want some stability until DC2 is at least 6 months. But this will mean him getting more and more unhappy - so I feel like it's a selfish request.

AIBU?

yes you are.
you have suffered depression.
him hating his job but having to do it could also lead to depression.
coming out of the forces can be really hard. as long as he isnt planning on ditching the job and leaving you all struggling whats the issue with him looking?

So many people struggle to settle into civvy street after being in the forces. Why don't you talk to him and say he needs to commit for the next 12 months nomatter what, firstly for his CV, and secondly to support you.

YABU

My DH has had 6 jobs in the last 5 years - he now works for himself freelance. There is nothing worse than being stuck in a shitty job that you hate, nothing. You should definitely be supportive of him finding something where he is happy.

FWIW I also served in the Forces (not for as long as him) so I know coming out is hard, I just think he has unrealistic expectations. I guess there is no harm in him looking, I just find it unsettling when the new job starts and I dont want him further away.
I know that sounds selfish.

It would be selfish of you to demand that he doesn't even look for another job when he's unhappy, but he hasn't even mentioned it yet. You could be worrying for nothing.

He might be thinking the same as you and think it would be best to wait until the baby is here and settled before looking for another job despite not being happy in his current one.

I think you need some perspective.

If you know its difficult coming out after a shorter while, then imagine if your entire working life has been that.

My step brother came out of the army and found it very difficult and ended up joining again.

Of course it will take a while for him to find something or adjust.
I think you need to let him get on with it, unless he walks out of a job and with no new job.

After knowing what my step brother was like, I think it would be quite selfish to ask him to put his mental health (if he ends up disliking as much as before) at risk, just in case you get PND again.

A new job also won't change the stability. Since he started after april 2012, he would need to work at his current job for 2 years before he got proper rights shit i know) so this job wouldn't provide something new job won't.

Thats IF it does go down this route.

He has just said he's going to start looking for a new job again! I'm taking notice that I'm obviously an unreasonable hormonal cow and trying to be nice and supportive....

I feel your pain. That was my hubby a few years ago. He almost had a breakdown though and I agreed to support him financially whilst he re-trained as a teacher. I assumed that he only wanted to be a teacher because he saw me enjoying the holidays and thought it would be an easy ride. So, I told him he had to spend a year volunteering one day a week in a school. If he really liked it, I would support him to retrain. He did, loved it and I supported him. He has never been happier. I dont think you mean to be U, but you should think about putting yourself in his shoes.

Well, as long as he doesn't quit the job he's currently in until he's got a firm offer, let him look. although perhaps suggesting wherever the next move is to, he sticks it out for 12 months at least no matter how much he hates it.

Considering his CV for the last 23 years he's been with the same employer, spending 2-3 years to settle in a new environment is perfectly acceptable, he's hardly going to be seen as 'flighty' given that solid background.

could you suggest he tried to get some time with a recruitment professional to talk about his career aims? Give his search for a job a little more structure.