My DM discarded my job offer !

[Leogirl73]

This was over 25 yrs ago now , but still annoys me when I think of it , I was offered a job on a cruise ship I was 24 at the time living with my parents , no ties etc , i went for the interview and as I thought never got the job , shortly after this one evening I was feeling sorry for myself that I hadn't got the job when my father let slip that my mother had torn the letter up as she didn't want me to go ! I have forgiven her but can't help but wonder what if ?? I know why she did this she never has had a great marriage etc but was she wrong to do what she did ?

She was so, so, so unbelievably wrong!

Of course she was wrong what an awful selfish thing to do!

Oh i would absolutley have gone mad if i found out it was true.You should have confronted her and rang the place to see if they would have still given you the job.I know it was years ago but i can understand how it would still annoy you.What did she ever say about it.

You are SOOooo NBU - & yes I know how it can wind you up if you think on it, even after all these years - I've had similar from my own control freak narcassist DM

One that still bugs me if I let it, is a Tee Shirt I was given by a printer friend - DM thought it was disgusting & was very angry about it - the Tee shirt disappeared - at the time DM denied all knowledge, so I figured my DB might be behind it - years later DM admitted to burning it - I was 19 at the time - that Tee Shirt was an original Vivienne Westwood & a very rare misprint & would be worth a small fortune today (DH is a collector) - not quite so life changing as yours, but still annoying none the less

She was definitely wrong. Do you think she did it from a totally misplaced sense of love or pure badness ?
Over the years I have learned to give my own DM the benefit of the doubt over minor acts of nastiness but nothing on that scale.

I know 100000percent she didn't do it out of badness , she still had never said sorry , my father is a very angry bitter man who does make her life quite difficult and she really is a wonderful mother in every way to me , I believe she did it as she couldn't bare the thought that I would move away permanently , she only had me and now dotes on my dc as she did me , I just feel that we all have a path in life and mine obviously was meant to stay on dry land lol ! Omg rockinhippy what a shame about your t shirt ! Xx

What did the t shirt say rockinhippy?

My parents planned to emigrate to Australia when they got married (45 years ago). My Nan disposed of the application papers as a protest against them going - and they didn't. Wonder how different my parents and my (and my siblings) lives would have been if they had done it but all in all I'm glad they didn't and I think they are too. There must have been moments when the wondered though as time went on. You mum wbvvvu and its no wonder it still bugs you.

It would annoy me too. I know several friends in their 30s who's parents have guilted them into staying close to them rather than moving away, they have limited their adult DCs life chances - it's not fair to be so selfish when you have adult DCs, it would be a different matter if you think that they are making a bad choice, but a good choice for them that would just mean you will miss them is something you should be swallowing your sadness and encouraging them to do.

Take it as a lesson for you, no matter how sad you are about your DCs spreading their wings, if one of yours wants to move to the other side of the world when they grow up, stick on the biggest false smile and say you think it's fabulous, save your tears for once they've got on the plane...

BTW - have you talked to your mother about it or just your dad? Don't assume it was a job offer, I'd be surprised if you got a letter offering you a job and then they never heard back from you they would not send you a second letter or call. Could it have just been a call back to a second interview rather than a final offer?

If I read your OP correctly, you found out about this subterfuge shortly after it happened. If so, why didn't you phone your potential employer straight away to explain the situation and ask to be considered for any future vacancies? Or if you didn't feel comfortable doing that, apply to another cruise liner?

TBH, if you didn't do either of those things, you can't really have been that bothered about working on a boat. Are you generally happy with how your life has turned out, e.g. do you have a successful marriage, fulfilling career, good friends, children? You sound as though you're looking for somebody to blame for how things have turned out for you.

If that's not the case, why are you still bothered about it 25 years later?

OP your mum was VVVVU, and it would still bother me.

My own mum is somewhat less than maternal and does not share her emotions, I have never forgiven her for throwing out things like my first teddy, I managed to hang onto it for 18 years, then when I went off to Uni I filled up a box labelled 'Golden's sentimental keepsakes' and left it in the cupboard in my room. She moved house while I was at Uni and binned the box without telling me! There were photo's of me and my dad when I was a baby, that I had no other copies of, the teddy, some small toys that were favourites of mine etc. I found it very callous, and she wasn't even apologetic.

Feckoff - a pop art picture of a couple of cowboys naked from the waste down

waist even

I dont think it was mean spirited; but it was still wrong. Good intentions can be misguided

What about the terrible incident where you went overboard? My point is that you never know what could have happened. If you are happy with your life, move on. rockin on the other hand

zukiecat I have all the originals of the Jinny and Shantih books...I could have supplied you with them (would have to pick them up from DM's house first).

If you're searching for any other rare Pony books, just PM me

To be fair, it was I who decided to dump 5+ years worth of SKY magazines...would love to have a look back at them now.