For being angry with my SIL for catching headlice from my niece?

[Theicingontop]

I'm sorry, this is a long one, and sorry if I make anyone itch!

Me and my SIL are not close, at all. But my nephew's birthday was a few weeks ago, and my home business is making novelty birthday cakes and I'd made him one, (free of charge, even though she said she'd pay for the ingredients but didn't, because I'd already bought him a ballpit, but that's another thread). So they'd come to collect it, my SIL, my nephew and my niece.

As is customary when I see my niece, I gave her a big hug and offered to do her hair. She also hugged my toddler, who has a mop of gorgeous mixed-race curls.
Halfway through her braiding, my SIL casually mentions that she has a 'really bad case of nits, so watch out yeh?'

I'd already hugged her, she'd hugged my toddler. Her hair was loose. I left that conversation for facebook when she'd left. She said she'd forgotten about it until I did her hair, and that we couldn't have caught them that quiclkly.

Well, I did.

I'm now sitting here with a head full of fullmarks. Watching my toddler for any signs of itching, debating whether to treat him anyway and risk damaging his hair, which I've been painstakingly maintaining since his BIRTH.

I am just so angry at her disregard for anyone else's head! I am upset for my niece, who tells me she's had headlice since before the summer holidays and all my SIL has done so far is pour vinegar on her head because the solution is too expensive.

AIBU for being so angry. My partner has told me to drop it, say no more, just get rid of the lice. I don't think she should get away with being so blasé.

YABa little bit U. Lice are a fact of life with children but SIL should have been a bit more careful and should definitely be taking better care of your niece. I suspect your dislike for SIL is colouring your opinion.

I would be annoyed especially as you can get treatment free from pharmacy on minor ailments and, I think from hv, maybe mention this in passing, hope the itching stops soon

Yeah, your SIL is unreasonable. You can get Hedrin on prescription from the GP.

I think YANBU. I don't understand why people think lice are a rite of passage. I've never had headlice. Ever. And I'm 34 years old. I'd be seriously angry if I caught them because a parent couldn't be bothered to treat their child.

Full marks doesn't work.

Just use conditioner and a nitty gritty comb.

Every 3 days until your children leave home.

She's not bothered to treat her DD since before the summer holidays?

Poor child

YANBU - especially when SIL has made half assed efforts to treat your niece.

Word of advice, ditch the FullMarks/Hedrin etc they are useless.

Buy lots of cheap conditioner and a nitty gritty comb. Section your hair carefuly and do a forensic comb and nit removal of each section (realistically your DP will have to do this for you as you may need to use tweezers to get the eggs off your hair shaft).

Do this EVERY DAY until they are gone. Took me only 4 days to get rid of them on my DC's using this method and it won't damage hair, but you have to have the patience of a saint.....

I've read that mixed afro hair is less appealing to nits, here's hoping. I know they're 'just nits' but he isn't even in nursery yet, I wanted to face that hurdle when I'd become a bit more confident with his hair.

I remember having a violent allergic reaction to nits as a child, it was horrendous. And she's 10 years old, kids pick up on nits and tend to pick on those who're known for having them. I don't think it's no big deal at all really.

Why on earth would you use FB for this conversation when a simple "We did catch nits, did you know that you can get headrin and a nitty gritty comb for free on prescription?" Some GPs dont know that the nitty gritty is on prescription btw, so you may have to insist they look it up!

Forget being angry, at is doesnt make the situation right. Just make sure you tell your SIL that have them, and that she can get free treatment. Save your passive aggressiveness for another day!

Don't use anything, the only thing that properly works is combing every 1 or 2 days.

Before I decide if YABU are you going to tell everyone you and your toddler have been in contact with in the past few weeks that you have headlice?

I didn't want to say anything there and then, I didn't want to hurt my niece's feelings and I actually just carried on braiding her hair

Hedrin has always worked for me

ONLY comb is you are prepared to do it thoroughly and daily for 14 days minimum

Oh, I should say that DD has mixed race curls too and she managed to pick them up at the grand old age of 12 months after DD brought them home from school :(

I use spray in conditioner from Johnsons and nit comb it, as it is easier to do it in the middle of the afternoon than after her bedtime bath.

YANBU - I would be livid. And her poor DD - how much time/effort does getting a nit comb and using some conditioner take?

I have never had nits either - hair was too greasy at school I reckon, they would have just slid out! DS1 had them once but he is so blond and has such fine hair we saw them the day he got them, and managed to get rid of them.

Fingers crossed your DS's hair is OK.

is there history here.. you dont seem to like your sister inlaw all that much.

my home business is making novelty birthday cakes and I'd made him one, (free of charge, even though she said she'd pay for the ingredients but didn't, because I'd already bought him a ballpit, but that's another thread).

maybe its just me.. but i would have made him one with out expecting to be paid.. and essp not instead of a present.. its part of the perks of having a cake artiest in the family! but you seem to hold some sort of grudge over it.

sorry this made me laugh risk damaging his hair, which I've been painstakingly maintaining since his BIRTH. how are you managing and the emphsis on birth?

the only bit you are not being unreasonable is the fact she left the poor girl itching for so long. there loads of stuff out to get rid of the feckers. and condinitoner and metal nitty comb every time their in the bath is not hard to do.

i would suggest treatments to her but maybe let the fact you got them go. its a kids thing. you at least expect them once.

I used to think that nits are a fact of life and something we just have to get used to and as long as everytime we wash our children's hair, we condition it and put a nit comb through, then the situation would be managed. Certainly, I was dd hair twice a week and always use the nit come as a matter of course.

However, my friend has mixed race children and she has explained to me how much of an utter nightmare it is to treat nits in afro hair. Something about it being very dry and you can't wash it at all often (not even monthly?), and getting a nit comb through, even with the conditioner can break the delicate afro hair.

She then said how slow afro hair was to grow and that if the hair breaks it isn't as though it grows back quickly.

My discussion with my friend certainly threw a different light on the matter. Perhaps you can explain this to make them realise it isn't as easy for you to treat.

i am sorry about my last comment. it was unneserrairy and had i actually read more i would have known why.
im sorry.

do you normally get on ok. or is it just another thing added onto the list?

ds1 has never had them. ds2 has mid lenght hair and has had them once. headrin got rid of them along with the nitty comb. think it depends on the childs hair if it works or not?

Hedrin worked on my DP and you can't comb his hair. We just treated every 7 days until he was clear!

Well we don't get on very well. Just differences in parenting I suppose, she isn't a fantastic rolemodel for her children, and that's putting it lightly in my opinion. That isn't me being judgmental either, it really isn't all that pleasant to get into.

Making cakes is how I contribute to the bills now that I don't work, I ask friends and family to pay for ingredients if they'd like a cake and I give them my labour for free. I have to turn down paying orders around the time I'm making their cake, so I'm losing money, they always understand. She's not very reliable when owing money.

Since birth I tell you!! And not all the time succeeding. I've only just got the perfect routine with it to stop breakage

I didn't know you could get treatment from your GP, perhaps she doesn't either. I will pass it on.

Theicingontop

fair enough.. i have a friend whos just set up their own cake buisness. and its amazing to see the cakes.. i can barely decorate a cupcake nicely so hats off to you.

Pingu your friend is right with the washing thing, I don't wash my son's hair at all. Just a rinse every other bathtime is enough. I'm dreading having to nit-treat him

Her poor DD!

I would be fuming! She let you braid her hair and said it half way though? That is disgusting. If she didn't know and you caught them, or she told you before she came over and you didn't hug/braid hair and you still caught them at least that'd of been your lookout. Isn't she embarrassed? ok I know head lice are nothing to be embarrassed about, but, having them and letting someone braid hair with them is another thing!

You wouldn't take your shoes and socks off in someone's house and walk about and then say 'oh I have athletes foot!'

Do you have Caucasian hair? Nitty Gritty comb and conditioner, forget the Hedrin.

Nits are awful, and they're not a rite of passage. I had bum length hair as a kid and never got them. Now I have kids of my own I've had them loads, really pisses me off that have to spend my time and money (even cheap conditioner adds up after a while!) to sort out my girls hair when other parents can't be bothered.

I remember when my sil came to stay, brushed her kids hair with my kids hairbrush, then told me that hers had nits! WTF! I was furious. It probably did affect our relationship for a while (among other things) thankfully we're good friends again now but I don't think I was unreasonable at all.

OP you are only unreasonable if you bring this up on Facebook - not good, but yes def raise it with her