To think my Dad might have mild aspergers?

[Mayanala]

I don't really know where to start.

I've always thought he was just very selfish, socially awkward and had anger management problems. He has never had many friends although he doesn't seem to fit the stereotypical 'aspergers geek' type in that he is good looking and dresses well (sorry if that was unacceptable terminology, not sure how else to describe it).

He and my Mum divorced, she put up with a lot from him, he used to smoke weed all the time and would sulk for days. He had one friend who actually did have mild aspergers but would rarely socialise apart from that. He has had a string of failed relationships since.

He has major anger problems, is pretty obsessed with computers, is very anxious and has problems reading how others feel, if you want him to know you need to tell him directly.

Am I reading too much into this or could he have mild aspergers?

What would it do for you if he did? I mean, what difference does a label make to your relationship to him?

It would help me to understand him better, definitely.

I am very pretty sure my DB is on the spectrum. I think it helps to understand that he is not mean or selfish, just doesn't process things in the same way. However, ersatz diagnosis is normally wrong. His stuff sounds equally like it could be a personality disorder.

Or why even label something a personality disorder? People are just different imo. Very few people are all good or all bad.

He has had a lot of therapy (ongoing for years and years) and while he is a lot better at 'reading/understanding' people he still has so many problems

Impossible to make a judgement over the internet, with so little information. Unless there is a heck of a lot more to it then you are probably reading too much into it.

Dont dwell on it, you won't get an assessment or diagnosis so all you will achieve is to do your own head in.

mumblechum1 - it's not about being 'labelled' or being 'good/bad', it's about learning why somebody has the problems they do and learning how to deal with it.

Maybe it's the effect of all the weed?

It might help you to try to understand and manage his behaviour. There is an AQ test online which might also help. You could ask him to fill it in...or you could have a go for him.

I meant a diagnosis might help..

It may help you understand his behaviour.
Oh, and my dh has Aspergers, is very high on the spectrum. He's the spit of Dave Grohl and most of his clothes are fat face and the like.
Looks etc have fuck all to do with being on the spectrum.

My brothers are both on the spectrum and my dad definitely has similar traits. I have read so much about aspergers to try and help my littlest brother, and I also teach pupils who are on the spectrum. I would say it helps me to understand my dads behaviours a little more. However, I still find him very frustrating.

I think my FIL has mild Aspergers, he is socially inept, and very one dimensional. I would never say it to anyone, but it helps me to not react when he tells me things like "I liked your hair better before you got it cut" or launches into an hour long technical discussion that others aren't paying attention to.
He is very sweet when not on his soapbox though.

Weed can caiuse psychosis. Probably that rather than anything else. Drug addicts are rarely nice people.

my dad reckons most men are somewhere on the spectrum of aspergers

If you think he does, then read up about AS, or HFA and educate yourself about some of the ways you could build a better relationship with him. Help him reduce the anxieties and stresses and address some of the less acceptable parts of his personality. In fact, working on those would help anyone, regardless of a dx.
What else is there to say?

DS3 (15) has AS dx, is an astonishingly good looking lad and a very particular dresser! Very bright and full of humour - but yes of course "different". It is true that some people with Autism/Asperger's also have a bit of physical awkwardness, that is not the case for everyone.

Several other family members are quite clearly spectrum, including one of our other DS's, I would say with very strong AS traits but just on the edge of where a diagnosis may or may not be given (a number of very successful scientists, inventors and engineers) - no surprise really as there is a strong genetic component and actually many of the "traits" at the milder end of the spectrum are (or can be), very positive in terms of education and career, even if they do cause problems in family life.

Weed can caiuse psychosis. Probably that rather than anything else. Drug addicts are rarely nice people.
Self medication is common, people don't become drug addicts because they want to. There is usually and underlying mental health problem.

Well, I've been referred for an assessment for AS.

I'm also reasonably attractive and dress reasonably well.

HTH

launches into an hour long technical discussion that others aren't paying attention to. my DF's idea of making conversation is to talk about how plastic bottles are made. As DS has Asperger's we think we know where it came from .
OP could it be that his problems are to do with, or exacerbated by, smoking weed?

mumble

aspergers is not a personality disorder and is not about being good or bad

"he is good looking and dresses well"

huh?

my eldest son & nephew are both on the spectrum (as is my extremely good looking brother) both astonishingly beautiful & well dressed!

"Or why even label something a personality disorder?"

Oh I missed that

ASD/autism/Asperger's isn't a personality disorder.